Cannot take much more
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Rodney Dangerfield Dylan Thomas Do not go gentle into that good night Back to School - YouTube
Wisdom from a great 20th century icon.......to Twofish.
Wisdom from a great 20th century icon.......to Twofish.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
...said he would split his 401k...said there was $200,000 in there, Hummm, there was
three times that amount in there a month ago?
================================================== ===
(Vale stops a moment to recover his cowboy hat (10gallon) and his belt buckle the
size of Texas---as well as his most smarmy, condescending and patriarchal tone.....)
"Well.......'ya know little lady....markets perform differently......past performance is no
guarantee of future performance.......MY 401K gyrates up and down 80% month to
month too.......very common. Which you would know (if you were a smart manly man!)"
"Twofish, don't worry your pretty little head about MAN things.....like NUMBERS and Money.....
just take his word for it and everything will turn out fine."
------------------
I don't smell a rat. I smell a whole NEST of rats.
But the good news is.....Twofish looks to be hiring a PROFESSIONAL EXTERMINATOR.
Party on, rats.........enjoy the ride, for methinks it all ends soon!
three times that amount in there a month ago?
================================================== ===
(Vale stops a moment to recover his cowboy hat (10gallon) and his belt buckle the
size of Texas---as well as his most smarmy, condescending and patriarchal tone.....)
"Well.......'ya know little lady....markets perform differently......past performance is no
guarantee of future performance.......MY 401K gyrates up and down 80% month to
month too.......very common. Which you would know (if you were a smart manly man!)"
"Twofish, don't worry your pretty little head about MAN things.....like NUMBERS and Money.....
just take his word for it and everything will turn out fine."
------------------
I don't smell a rat. I smell a whole NEST of rats.
But the good news is.....Twofish looks to be hiring a PROFESSIONAL EXTERMINATOR.
Party on, rats.........enjoy the ride, for methinks it all ends soon!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Ha ha that made me smile Vale.
We are so lucky to have you in our SR family, you're very wise, funny and a people person...
Maybe that's why we love you so!
Hey did you make that moon eclipse thing happen tonight or right now?
Wow it started happening around 4:20am CST, (yep, sleep never did find me) it's now almost 5am and all of a sudden the wind stopped and it's very quiet and the dogs are restless...is this a sign? Solar support?
It's kind of messing with my mind...I AM NOT ALONE! I AM NOT ALONE IAM NOT ALONE
I can't go backwards not now, it's a big step, like it's "over step" I AM NOT ALONE
Find my courage, cling to my hope and just do it already. No regrets. I AM NOT ALONE
TF
We are so lucky to have you in our SR family, you're very wise, funny and a people person...
Maybe that's why we love you so!
Hey did you make that moon eclipse thing happen tonight or right now?
Wow it started happening around 4:20am CST, (yep, sleep never did find me) it's now almost 5am and all of a sudden the wind stopped and it's very quiet and the dogs are restless...is this a sign? Solar support?
It's kind of messing with my mind...I AM NOT ALONE! I AM NOT ALONE IAM NOT ALONE
I can't go backwards not now, it's a big step, like it's "over step" I AM NOT ALONE
Find my courage, cling to my hope and just do it already. No regrets. I AM NOT ALONE
TF
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Just to remind you, you have been functioning well independently for quite some time.
Mr. Fish can't cope with the reality you did it all.
You are quite capable....carry a notepad around, or leave it on the counter with a pen.when an *ah hah hmmm* crosses your mind, write down, carry your notes to attorney, tell him/her everything, your suspicions too.
If possible, regarding self care, go to PT regularly, sometimes mental stress gives real physical back pain, or maybe yoga classes to give you a way to cope... ( there are also free beginners on youtube).
Mr. Fish can't cope with the reality you did it all.
You are quite capable....carry a notepad around, or leave it on the counter with a pen.when an *ah hah hmmm* crosses your mind, write down, carry your notes to attorney, tell him/her everything, your suspicions too.
If possible, regarding self care, go to PT regularly, sometimes mental stress gives real physical back pain, or maybe yoga classes to give you a way to cope... ( there are also free beginners on youtube).
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Wow 30 years of marriage and you get a text message. That is wrong on so many levels. Like Fandy said, you have been functioning well by yourself for quite some time. Get organized and gather all financial paperwork, and certainly no deals...what was he thinking. He doesn't understand how strong you are and that you are not alone. ((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Thank you LTT, I may appear strong, but I'm really afraid inside, the unknown frightens me as it would a child.
I'm gathering my questions, I think about all those years and all those memories...I can't but think how he is feeling, is he hurting or smiling? Glad to be rid of me and the drama that I have caused him and addiction has caused our family. Caused a lot of families much pain worry and sorrow. It never seems to end, it keeps eating away, if I let it.
Ive got to stop this thinking, go on that automatic pilot and just get it over with, like he has done, and move on.
NO, I'm not having a pity party, really I'm not...I'm mourning the death of my marriage, this day that I find and call an attorney, show them the text, agree with the text and do whatever a person does when the love is gone and the marriage has crumbled.
One last look at my home as it stands, after today, will it still look the same?
Get the phone book out TF, start calling and get it over with. I AM NOT ALONE, but I feel right now very sad and before I second guess this and disappoint all my new friends, I'm going to call a divorce attorney.
Need some hugs right now,
TF
I'm gathering my questions, I think about all those years and all those memories...I can't but think how he is feeling, is he hurting or smiling? Glad to be rid of me and the drama that I have caused him and addiction has caused our family. Caused a lot of families much pain worry and sorrow. It never seems to end, it keeps eating away, if I let it.
Ive got to stop this thinking, go on that automatic pilot and just get it over with, like he has done, and move on.
NO, I'm not having a pity party, really I'm not...I'm mourning the death of my marriage, this day that I find and call an attorney, show them the text, agree with the text and do whatever a person does when the love is gone and the marriage has crumbled.
One last look at my home as it stands, after today, will it still look the same?
Get the phone book out TF, start calling and get it over with. I AM NOT ALONE, but I feel right now very sad and before I second guess this and disappoint all my new friends, I'm going to call a divorce attorney.
Need some hugs right now,
TF
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
TF....most judges don't take too kindly to hiding that kind of money.
"He's about to feel it alright, in his wallet," LOL, that is awesome!
Vale, you are cracking me up as usual.
TF....one thing that is no joke, YOU REALLY ARE NOT ALONE. We love you, we support you, we are here anytime you need us. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!
Many hugs and much strength today my friend!
"He's about to feel it alright, in his wallet," LOL, that is awesome!
Vale, you are cracking me up as usual.
TF....one thing that is no joke, YOU REALLY ARE NOT ALONE. We love you, we support you, we are here anytime you need us. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!
Many hugs and much strength today my friend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
I have an appointment today at 2:30 with a local Firm.
I did call one of best known Law Firms around here...they won't talk to me bc he has already called them. They won't even tell me if he has retained them. I'm nervous about this. I think cause it's so unknown, my future is so uncertain. I'm not gonna panic yet.
I did call one of best known Law Firms around here...they won't talk to me bc he has already called them. They won't even tell me if he has retained them. I'm nervous about this. I think cause it's so unknown, my future is so uncertain. I'm not gonna panic yet.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
((Twofish)) Of course he called them...doesn't change a thing. The facts speak for themselves...you have that on your side.
Call another Law Firm my friend...we have your back.
All the support and advice is spot on. Lots of very wise members here!
Sending you love and big hugs...also prayers for strength.
Call another Law Firm my friend...we have your back.
All the support and advice is spot on. Lots of very wise members here!
Sending you love and big hugs...also prayers for strength.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
TF wrote:"One last look at my home as it stands, after today, will it still look the same?"
No. It won't.
The deed will be in your name.
(Sorry, couldn't resist)
We know you are sad, TF. We are sad with you.
Divorce is so often referred to a failure..."the marriage failed".
A 50% divorce rate is looked at as a marker of failure. I see it
different. How many women (long ago) would stay in unhappy
marriages----simply for reasons of money, or to avoid stigma?
I told Mrs Vale long ago.....if I am ever abusive or hurtful and
you don't have the BALLS (pardon pun) to cut me loose---then you
are NOT the woman I married.
Sad, scared & lonely are par for the course. Those are transitory
emotions and you get over them in time. Not so, loss of self respect.
If he texted you goodbye after 30 years....he expects you to roll.
You aren't 'gonna.......which is why you have OUR respect.
No. It won't.
The deed will be in your name.
(Sorry, couldn't resist)
We know you are sad, TF. We are sad with you.
Divorce is so often referred to a failure..."the marriage failed".
A 50% divorce rate is looked at as a marker of failure. I see it
different. How many women (long ago) would stay in unhappy
marriages----simply for reasons of money, or to avoid stigma?
I told Mrs Vale long ago.....if I am ever abusive or hurtful and
you don't have the BALLS (pardon pun) to cut me loose---then you
are NOT the woman I married.
Sad, scared & lonely are par for the course. Those are transitory
emotions and you get over them in time. Not so, loss of self respect.
If he texted you goodbye after 30 years....he expects you to roll.
You aren't 'gonna.......which is why you have OUR respect.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Hopeful wrote:
TF....most judges don't take too kindly to hiding that kind of money.
===========================
Lie to your spouse? Common. Lie to your employer? Also common.
Lie to the cute chickies at that crappy little dive at the city limits?
(so common as to be ubiquitous). They get used to lying for so long,
it becomes second nature. The world is full of fools who will cash in
any BS you choose to sell at full value.
Then they face a JUDGE. Judge says "you lie to me and it's called PERJURY.
I deal in lies all day long (it's my job!). I am a pro and you are an amateur, if
you take me dead on (like a spouse/employer/chickie).....you are going to
get SLAUGHTERED".
"So, keeping in mind what I've told you-----let's you and I have a little chat
about this 401k........we're not dudes, and we're not friends. This is reality world
and the only thing on the table is whether you are sleeping at home tonight.
.......or meeting new friends in my jail"
TF....most judges don't take too kindly to hiding that kind of money.
===========================
Lie to your spouse? Common. Lie to your employer? Also common.
Lie to the cute chickies at that crappy little dive at the city limits?
(so common as to be ubiquitous). They get used to lying for so long,
it becomes second nature. The world is full of fools who will cash in
any BS you choose to sell at full value.
Then they face a JUDGE. Judge says "you lie to me and it's called PERJURY.
I deal in lies all day long (it's my job!). I am a pro and you are an amateur, if
you take me dead on (like a spouse/employer/chickie).....you are going to
get SLAUGHTERED".
"So, keeping in mind what I've told you-----let's you and I have a little chat
about this 401k........we're not dudes, and we're not friends. This is reality world
and the only thing on the table is whether you are sleeping at home tonight.
.......or meeting new friends in my jail"
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
TF...I am going to tell you that any attorney he has even spoken to ONE TIME even if just calling and saying I may come in for a consult, will not talk to you then. It becomes a complete conflict of interest. No biggie, find a different one. If there are any you want to block him using, do the same thing to him.
I can also tell you to protect your assets as best you can. In this state, when you file for divorce, there is an immediate stay sent to you that says you cannot change anything, life insurance, bank accounts, etc. Soooo.....any attorney will tell you to do those things BEFORE you file. With the $ missing from his 401k it sounds like he has already possibly done that. Your turn my dear.
I am not trying to burden you down, but want to throw this out there so you protect yourself financially.
XXX
I can also tell you to protect your assets as best you can. In this state, when you file for divorce, there is an immediate stay sent to you that says you cannot change anything, life insurance, bank accounts, etc. Soooo.....any attorney will tell you to do those things BEFORE you file. With the $ missing from his 401k it sounds like he has already possibly done that. Your turn my dear.
I am not trying to burden you down, but want to throw this out there so you protect yourself financially.
XXX
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dearest TF, I am finally on SR after a few days away and found your thread. I want to send big hugs and support to a very strong woman who looked addiction in the eye and found herself! Yes YOU! I have almost gotten divorced several times to my 25 year long husband and I wanted to RUN so many times because he couldn't support my "support" of our son. I still am not sure how long I will stay married, my priorities changed. When my husband didn't really do anything to support ME during our HELL on earth, it made me think twice about this forever thing. Let this loser go. You deserve it ALL!
We are all here for you TF!
Hugs
TT
We are all here for you TF!
Hugs
TT
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Oh, Twofish, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what it's like dealing with the end of a 30 year relationship, but I hope that you will try to avoid blaming yourself here. You said something in one of your last posts about wondering whether he is happy to be free of the drama you caused him and addiction caused him. But keep in mind that you aren't the source of his problems. He has addiction issues of his own. You have spoken in the past about his drinking. So it's not as if he is the functional one and you or your daughters caused all the trouble! He has problems of his own that it doesn't seem like he's dealt with. Maybe in some ways this is a relief because you are no longer in limbo, trying to make a marriage work with someone who has moved to another state? You have been dealing with life and parenting on your own for a long time, and you have done a terrific job. I am so amazed by how far you have come with your perspective and how you have found the support for yourself that you deserve. Keep your chin up!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
2fish, ask yourself this one....
What kind of *man* runs away from HIS family in trouble....dumps the kids with problems n his wife's lap and blames her for it? why that is not a *man*, that is a 4 legged baby jackal. He can't deal with reality. However, you did not run away, you muddled through the abuse your daughters heaped on you like dirty kitty litter. You dug your way out and found help.
You are twice the man he can never be....and make sure he knows it. DO NOT obsess about him, he thinks he is so smart....you be smarter and ask for whatever you need.
Don't be afraid, you have learned a lot more than he can ever try to absorb. You have a lot more compassion and class to text him, you call him and meet him, look him in the eye and you will see what a COWARD he is...These are HIS children too, even though he abandoned them because "ooooh I am too delicate for the drama"...
what a manbaby jerk.
What kind of *man* runs away from HIS family in trouble....dumps the kids with problems n his wife's lap and blames her for it? why that is not a *man*, that is a 4 legged baby jackal. He can't deal with reality. However, you did not run away, you muddled through the abuse your daughters heaped on you like dirty kitty litter. You dug your way out and found help.
You are twice the man he can never be....and make sure he knows it. DO NOT obsess about him, he thinks he is so smart....you be smarter and ask for whatever you need.
Don't be afraid, you have learned a lot more than he can ever try to absorb. You have a lot more compassion and class to text him, you call him and meet him, look him in the eye and you will see what a COWARD he is...These are HIS children too, even though he abandoned them because "ooooh I am too delicate for the drama"...
what a manbaby jerk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR Family,
Today was a long day, full of disappointments and sweet hope.
I went to two consultations...good and honest attorneys, turned me down though. One was bc of my husbands retained attorney the other bc I don't have any $ for the retainer. HE has drained the accts over night, yep, what's done is done.
Now, I took a risk.
I told someone, F2F, a loving couple that has known me for 15 yrs.
Frightened to be judged and rejected, I let it out.
Someone at SR said, "your only as sick as your secret"....I told my secret(s) that have held me prisoned for the past four years... how addiction made me powerless, how the disease tore my children's world apart, how we all felt judged and now my marriage has died, then I waited as the "secret(s)" sank in.
The couple, older and set in their ways, grew tears of understanding in their eyes. They never knew that I was holding in "secrets" for such along time. And asked me why did I hold out for so long? Fear held me, and the fear set me free.
They offered advice as you have. I am accepted as I am. A lesson in life is what happened to me today. I could breath and I had hope. I AM NOT ALONE, I AM NOT ALONE!
Thursday, I have more lawyer interviews. I will be strong and pick one who sees what has happened to me and to all the families that are suffering. Might face disappointment but I also will be carrying my hope, strength and SR, our support system.
I AM NOT ALONE. I think I'm gonna get that sleep tonight.
Good night SR, and thanks again for believing in me!
TF
Today was a long day, full of disappointments and sweet hope.
I went to two consultations...good and honest attorneys, turned me down though. One was bc of my husbands retained attorney the other bc I don't have any $ for the retainer. HE has drained the accts over night, yep, what's done is done.
Now, I took a risk.
I told someone, F2F, a loving couple that has known me for 15 yrs.
Frightened to be judged and rejected, I let it out.
Someone at SR said, "your only as sick as your secret"....I told my secret(s) that have held me prisoned for the past four years... how addiction made me powerless, how the disease tore my children's world apart, how we all felt judged and now my marriage has died, then I waited as the "secret(s)" sank in.
The couple, older and set in their ways, grew tears of understanding in their eyes. They never knew that I was holding in "secrets" for such along time. And asked me why did I hold out for so long? Fear held me, and the fear set me free.
They offered advice as you have. I am accepted as I am. A lesson in life is what happened to me today. I could breath and I had hope. I AM NOT ALONE, I AM NOT ALONE!
Thursday, I have more lawyer interviews. I will be strong and pick one who sees what has happened to me and to all the families that are suffering. Might face disappointment but I also will be carrying my hope, strength and SR, our support system.
I AM NOT ALONE. I think I'm gonna get that sleep tonight.
Good night SR, and thanks again for believing in me!
TF
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