Sikofit

I know I've seen other threads relating to this subject here before, but I can't seem to find any on the "search" feature. Can anyone help?

Thanks.

Hawks

Terminal Uniqueness is the persistent illusion that an alcoholic or drug addict will be the ONE unique specimen, who beats their problem & goes on to have a healthy long term usage pattern.

Some people manage to moderate or cut down for a while, but it slowly gathers momentum back to old usage levels.

Some people stop for great lengths of time, only to be back to square one within a short time period.

If everyone stopped thinking THEY were the one who could beat the odds ..... no one would be back at rehab for a second, third, fourth time. Or coming back on SR saying "it happened again "

biminiblue

I'll take it a step further, and say that we alcoholics think all our problems are worse than everyone else's - that we are different, smarter, more honest, above it all, our body chemistry is different, we have more anxiety, our PTSD is the worst ever. Our family was the worst ever. Our boss is the worst ever. We are always right, everyone else is always wrong. It is never our fault. We couldn't help it. Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink.

It's not just about the alcohol, it's a whole dysfunctional mindset.

Christopher1

Well,speaking just for myself,partners of an A can become similarly afflicted! Helps when in severe self pity mode to read posts that remind me, many have had worse times & come thru.

Sikofit

I was talking to my sisters about the problem with my friend, who is like a sister to us. Before everyone jumps on me, I've been NC for over a month. And I'm trying to convince others that I'm not doing it to be cruel or anything, but that NC is a crucial step in helping ME to look at her problem in a detached manner and maybe someday be able to see her and be cordial, etc. As it is now, we don't see each other or speak.

Anyway...I brought up this concept of "terminal uniqueness," and said that I believed my AF had this as it related to how SHE thought of herself with illnesses--she always thinks that whatever she has is the worst headache, backache, etc., hence necessitating some kind fo medicine. She's been off work for a month b/c she's convinced everyone close to her, and some doctors, that she has encephalitis from a spider bite!

Is this a correct usage of this term?

Needabreak

Hmm, that just sounds manipulative to me.

cynical one

Terminal Uniqueness

Terminal Uniqueness- Overcome in Halls of Recovery

MIRecovery

Or the other side of the coin. I have a good job I've never been arrested I have a house I have 3 dogs I have a wife. I am just not like you people. I manage my life just fine but if I was as sick as you I would need help too. I believed this stuff even when I was drinking Vodka out of the bottle at 6:00 AM before work so my hands would not shake so bad

biminiblue

Well, that's AA's take on it - IMNSHO that's one more way they convince you that it can't be done without them.

I think all of us who are compulsive in one way or another have a whole misprinted set of instructions that have to be challenged at every turn and not just when it comes to alcohol.

Codies and addicts are not that much different. Our underlying need for control mixed with the delusion that we are smarter better stronger etcetera just adds fuel to a house fire that has already taken down the top floor.

MIRecovery

It worked because I'm absolutely convinced I could not have done it without AA

MIRecovery

Double post

jjj111

Sikofit, I think that's great that you went NC. From your previous posts, it sounds like this relationship was toxic to you. But I wonder whether it is helping you to continue talking about your friend and trying to convince others that she has a problem? I know that some people who go NC ask their friends not to talk to them about the person. Even hearing about the person second-hand can sometimes suck us in again. Just a thought.

AnvilheadII

actually the term was originally used as Fatally Hip and Tragically Cool. From the NA Basic Text, Chapter 5, What Can I Do?
Really one of the best few paragraphs about addiction and recovery around!!!!!

Our best thinking got us into trouble. We recognize the need for change. Our disease involved much more than just using drugs, so our recovery must involve much more than simple abstinence. Recovery is an active change in our ideas and attitudes.

The ability to face problems is necessary to stay clean. If we had problems in the past, it is unlikely that simple abstinence will solve these problems. Guilt and worry can keep us from living in the here and now. Denial of our disease and other reservations keep us sick. Many of us feel that we cannot possibly have a happy life without drugs. We suffer from fear and insanity and feel that there is no escape from using. We may fear rejection from our friends if we get clean. These feelings are common to the addict seeking recovery. We could be suffering from an overly sensitive ego. Some of the most common excuses for using are loneliness, self-pity, and fear. Dishonesty, close-mindedness, and unwillingness are three of our greatest enemies. Self-obsession is the core of our disease.

We have learned that old ideas and old ways won’t help us to stay clean or to live a better life. If we allow ourselves to stagnate and cling to terminal hipness and fatal cool, we are giving into the symptoms of our disease. One of the problems is that we found it easier to change our perception of reality than to change reality. We must give up this old concept and face the fact that reality and life go on, whether we choose to accept them or not. We can only change the way we react and the way we see ourselves.
This is necessary for us to accept that change is gradual and recovery is an ongoing process.

Ann

Great post, Anvil.

When my son and I felt that he might have a problem but he wasn't like "those people" and it would all be different for him, he'd stop using and that would be that....this was "terminally unique" thinking. That kind of thinking can kill him and me both.