djlook

I woke up this morning thinking about my brother, who died alcoholically at 52years of age. He was a year younger than me and like my twin. There were three of us children, and I believe our homelife drew us closer together because of a violent alcoholic father and a mother who was too afraid to leave because she had no way to support us on her own. My brother was treated like a celebrity. He got drunk, wrecked a car. My mother made excuses for him; he was upset about (fill in the blanks). We tiptoed around my father so he wouldn't lose his temper and start drinking again and beat my mother. My mother was raised in a family of drunk uncles and was treated like a princess. Al-Anon wasn't popular back then and it was considered shameful to go to any type of counseling. Back then counseling was associated with being "crazy." Today I realize that not gettting help for this family disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is pride. It is so cruel to the alcoholic and drug addict for those of us who are supposedly "sane", to not seek outside help for our contribution to this family disease. After all, isn't the definition of "insanity" doing the same thing and expecting different results? I know that my disease left untreated mirrors that of my drug addicted son. During my years of enabling of brother I thought I was the smartest one in my family, the most educated, and the most psychologically sophisticated so therefore I had all the answers and I could save him. He would get himself in trouble, I'd clean up his mess no matter what the cost was to me, be it morally, financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. Nothing was too good for my brother. My biggest fear was that if I wasn't there for him, through prisons, jails, 12 DUIs, that he would die drunk in a car wreck. Guess what, he died drunk and alone. His young son found him lying under the car on a cold October morning, no one knowing how long he had been lying there, alone, cold, and dead. My dad died alcholically at 54 years old, lying in a hospital bed, begging me to bring him a beer. This is an ugly, brutal disease. My son burns himself with I don't know what to get opiates from hospitals, doctors, his father, friends. His wife shuts her eyes because she doesn't know what else to do and By Damn isn't going to go ask either. She's so ignorant that she thinks good communication is all that's needed to fix him. His dad gives him the drugs to relieve his own guilt and uncomfortableness. I don't know what it'll take for my son to stop doing what he's doing. I do know that as long as friends, families, coworkers, et al keep doing what they're doing he's going to keep doing what he's doing. The disease of alcoholism and drug addiction wants everyone involved to be comfortable; that way it can kill and destroy everyone who participates, including me. Am I uncomfortable not letting my son stay with me right now just because he's supposedly been clean for eight months and has a good job? Oh, yeah. All I'm responsible for is my reactions. If any of you are interested in reading one of the things that was a real eyeopener for me it's called King Baby Syndrome. It helped me a lot.

qwer1234

Where can we find a link to King Baby Syndrome? Sounds interesting!

qwer

Ann

Powerful words and wise ones.

You cannot change your past, sad as it was, and you cannot change anyone else but you CAN break from the circle of addiction and find your own recovery and life.

Thank you for sharing your story, it touched my heart deeply. Good for you for taking care of that which you can...your own health and life.

Hugs