When will this anger go??

Old 10-05-2014, 07:30 AM
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When will this anger go??

Hi everyone I'd really like some advice from anyone who's had a loved one in re-hab and how you coped.. My OH has been in detox 2 weeks and doing really well, the doctors have reduced his subutex from 4mg to 1.8 and he'll be clean from Wednesday. He then goes into a 6 month detox next Monday.. I'm really pleased he's doing so well and he's so positive so why am I still feeling really angry with him? I'm trying to support him through this the best I can (sending cards and stuff he needs) but I can't help getting angry with him when he phones.. I'm so insecure about other service users he's in there with (females) I appreciate users need each other to get through their programmes and it's all about socialising people back into society but I can't help feeling angry that he's got to be in there cos he couldn't do it alone (with me & his family) I know I sound so selfish and needs to get a grip but this jealousy is killing me..
I'm thinking I'm no good for him on this recover journey and just to let him go but I've gone through hell the past 2.5 years waiting for the detox and this rehab so I know I should be pleased he's there and I am really trying.
When he phones he doesn't want to talk about his "past life" and I can understand this but what about all the hurt he's caused?? does he think we can just all forget in a matter of weeks? I know all this will be dealt with in rehab but at the moment I feel I can forgive but I can't forget
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:41 AM
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sweetie, it's ONLY been two weeks. for both of you.

the fact that you in some ways are more concerned about what women he might meet than the true purpose of detox/treatment, your own admitted insecurities and jealousies is actually your own INVITATION to start recovery work for YOU. now is the time to find support, put the focus on you and grow towards being happy healthy and whole!

by the way, your anger is ok. your jealousy is ok. they are simply "spokespersons" for the inner you that wants help too!
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Old 10-05-2014, 12:09 PM
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Hi Anvil.. Yeah your right it's early days, I wrote that this afternoon and feeling fine about things now (up one minute and down the next!) He's actually surprised me on how positive and focused he's been.. I should be feeling chuffed to bits he's got this far. I've never suspected he's cheated on me before so I don't know why my heads playing mind games with me..I think its probably the fact he's opening up and being honest with others in detox and this is something he's never really done with me unless I've caught him doing something red handed and backed him into a corner.. I'm still angry at how he's behaved over the past few years and this is going to take time. He can't have any contact for his 1st 4 weeks in rehab and I'm looking forward to some me time, I've booked a little trip away with my mum and I'm spending quality time with girlfriends.
A lot can happen in 6 months so I'm gonna start taking one day at a time.. what will be
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Old 10-05-2014, 02:43 PM
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Those emotions take time to resolve.

I'm no longer with my addicted ex for 5-6 years now and the anger just resurfaced the other day when I learned he got married.



Then I had to get myself together and come here to re-read my posts (thank you soberrecovery.com for the library) and remind myself of all the pain I did go through (the confusion, the sadness, the pain, the love, the guilt, the worry) and the toxic cycle on repeat x1000 it seemed.

I can say that the anger, for me at least, never goes away. It rears it's ugly head at times. I just got better at recognizing it when it comes back around and to continue to keep pushing on. My life/happiness deserves that effort from ME.

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