story74

After a year and a hlaf the addict in my life came back. He wants to be a father. It was great at first because he was out of state, but he currently just moved back, to the exact same city, with the exact same person. When I found this out we were on 3 way with my son. I immediately made him explain himself and told him what my boundries were...in front of my son. In fact, my son was involved FINALLY in asking questions. Basically he brushed over the fact that anything bad happened, mentioned how he is living with his girlfriend (the woman he is doing drugs with allegedly) and said he didn't go to rehab, but was better. I looked up signs of relapse and denial and he showcased them all. It was basically, "let's look into the future and forget the past" No apology. No tears. Nothing. And, the mention of the girlfriend (who my son is leggaly not allowed to be around) really burned my bottom. I even told my son on the call after he mentioned this woman's name, and my son asked who that was, I stated, "She is a woman you will never meet because you are not allowed around her." My X mumbled something, but we continued the conversation.

My fear is that nothing has changed in his world. So, I wonder how long he will be around before he disappears again. There is no way he is sober.

Currently he has 2 hr supervised visits. My son wants to see his father. We meet at a restaurant. He is not allowed to be alone with my son for fear of the lies he will tell.

I FINALLY found a counselor for us to go see. We go see her on Thursday. When I made the appointment I started to cry. I have been putting this off and putting this off, but we need it. My son has been starting to regress to violent rages.

I just don't feel comfortable with having him come back into our life. Maybe I could tell him that until he has proof of being in rehab he can to where it don't shine. I do have to be careful legally. I don't want to loose what I have, but the lawyer told me that my case is so tight, that unless he proves that his life has totally turned around he can't change the order. I think what I have to do (per suggestion from my lawyer) is see the therapist, and also give the X 2 hrs. supervised visits. Once he disappears again I will go to court with my therapist and make sure he looses all visitation and change my number.

I just have to be strong and stick with this plan. Who knows he might get better (Did you all just laugh out loud with me or what)

Day by Day. I just hate dealing with this anxiety. He makes me very nervous. I can tell he is less patient and little more aggressive. I am sure his anger will show at some point.

I am just excited I got a therapist for my son. I have to keep seeing the good, and know that I am lucky for what I do have. Thank god he only has 2 hrs supervised a week.

Ann

Take this all one day at a time, dear. The counseling is a good thing to do regardless of what else is going on in your life.

You sound like you have good legal advice, so just live your life, do what you need to do, and don't give him the power over your happiness, that key belongs to you.

Hugs

story74

That is the key. It is hard sometimes when I feel the anxiety coming, but it is life. I just need to focus on us and our happiness and do the best that I can. I am learning to slowly ease the anxiety I feel. It has been a journey! THANK YOU

Ann

Don't live in fear, it's a dark and scary place, and don't give him power over how you are and how you live your life.

The best way you can take care of yourself is to stand tall and live your life well.

This too shall pass and you may end up better for the experience.

Hugs

allforcnm

Hi Story,

Im sorry you have so much stress right now. I think your doing the right things. I hope therapy helps you and your son. It was a wonderful experience for me, if you don't hit it off with the therapist after a couple visits remember you can look for another.. it helps to have a good connection.

It doesn't sound like you ex can do much to alter the visitation or custody.. if he was to try, he would have to meet whatever court requirements were put in front of him. He will have the burden put on him to prove he is stable, sober and competent, and if he does these things then it can only benefit your son.. if not then you have nothing to fear. a good therapist and attorney can help you prepare for whatever might come..

I hope all good things come to you and your son.. I will be praying for you.

story74

Thank you. That really puts things in perspective.