feeling alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 69
feeling alone
Husband blew up yesterday and today still won't speak to me or look at me. It's hard when I desperately want to go amd make up with him but I know it won't help because I did nothing wrong. And I don't even want an apology because it wouldn't be sincere. I feel alone even with him usually but feel super alone right now. 
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
That is such a bad feeling: feeling alone when you are with someone. I'm not sure what the circumstances are surrounding you and your husband, but good communication doesn't leave someone feeling lonely. I'm assuming he's an addict and he has anger issues? Is there a friend you can call to talk to? Do you see yourself living unhappily for much longer?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 69
He's an addict trying to recover on suboxone...but he was prescribed adderall a yr ago now no longer on it and he's in withdraw from it and yes his anger is crappy now. I don't really have anyone I can talk to cuz there is nobody other than his family who knows and I've tried confiding in them before just to have someone to talk to and they go back and tell him.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
You will always find someone to talk with here, denphen. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
Is your hubby is any programs to help him?
We are here for you. Have you done any reading about addiction and recovery? we have lots of info here, the stickies at the top of t his page.
there is support for you here. lots of others who have been in your shoes, or still are.
Is your hubby is any programs to help him?
We are here for you. Have you done any reading about addiction and recovery? we have lots of info here, the stickies at the top of t his page.
there is support for you here. lots of others who have been in your shoes, or still are.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
Sorry you don't think he truly wants help. It funny because I was just talking to my AH today explaining how alone I feel even when he is here. He is so withdrawn from all of us. It is sad to watch this happen to them but only they can pull themselves out of it. We here at SR are always here if you need to talk. You can always PM me if you need someone.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Perhaps the best thing you can do is to figure out what you need. maybe you need to get out more, join a meeting group of others in the same boat? I bet there is one in your area. It can really help you.
Is he being forced to get help, or is this something he is willingly(although grumpily) doing? If he is doing this of his own choice, it probably is an awful feeling to be coming down from an addiction. but you deserve to be treated with dignity , no matter what.
Has this always been an unhappy relationship or has it been brought about by his drug use?
I hope you will stick around. Sounds like you could use some friendly support, and you will be amazed at how many can relate to your situation.
We care, and understand.
Is he being forced to get help, or is this something he is willingly(although grumpily) doing? If he is doing this of his own choice, it probably is an awful feeling to be coming down from an addiction. but you deserve to be treated with dignity , no matter what.
Has this always been an unhappy relationship or has it been brought about by his drug use?
I hope you will stick around. Sounds like you could use some friendly support, and you will be amazed at how many can relate to your situation.
We care, and understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 69
I'm also a stay stay at home mom so let me add my adult contact is slim so not only do I feel alone in marriage pretty much in general. It just wears a person down greatly. Even at times making you feel slightly crazed when your interaction with all people is simply doing for them. I am one of those people I enjoy doing for others but it's just now what's expected of me. I wake up and start taking care of my kids and pets and do so until bed. Weekend time is when I regroup. Have my husband to talk to and help with the kids and this weekend that didn't happen because we weren't speaking and he wasn't anywhere around us. He didn't go to work today and I'm sure he will stay couped up again today. I was really hoping he would have worked I feel a little more at ease. When he's around I feel on edge like I'm going to do or say something that ruins his day. I find myself apologizing alot which he says annoys him. However I've spent my life needing to and it's hard to break that cycle.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Walking on eggshells...ugh! As if you already needed more on your plate. It seems convenient for him to bail because he feels like it. I feel for you as you seem to have another child on your hands.
Please start looking after yourself. Gain whatever support you can from family and friends. If you are in short supply come here, get involved with a mom group or church or Alano or naranon or Celebrate Recovery. I would not wait for him to come around. Often the addict isn't predictable and that is what you and your children need.
Apologizing when there is nothing to apologize for is part of walking on eggshells. Seems that you recognize that it may not be helpful and is a pattern that needs to break. Let him take responsibility for himself.
There is hope but really it's about you doing the work for you and your children.....your recovery. Leave his recovery to him.
Please start looking after yourself. Gain whatever support you can from family and friends. If you are in short supply come here, get involved with a mom group or church or Alano or naranon or Celebrate Recovery. I would not wait for him to come around. Often the addict isn't predictable and that is what you and your children need.
Apologizing when there is nothing to apologize for is part of walking on eggshells. Seems that you recognize that it may not be helpful and is a pattern that needs to break. Let him take responsibility for himself.
There is hope but really it's about you doing the work for you and your children.....your recovery. Leave his recovery to him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 69
I do totally agree with you. I think with anything you reach a breaking point. With my dad's alcoholism it was slightly different because he's my dad but when I turned 18 and moved out at least I am able to separate myself from that. With my ex husband the violence eventually reached an unsafe level and I got confidence more and more. Now I feel like prior to this weekend anything that happened I chalked it up to He can't help it or its not really his fault. This time Idk what the difference was but I didn't feel that way. I felt like it was more of a choice this time and that I have one as well. It is hard when you don't have a support system. Amd the small one I had seemed to fade away. I guess I wear out my welcome with them or they feel like I do with him. Maybe that I don't want help. That's not true it's just hard but sometimes I just want to vent mainly because I don't have that adult connection on a daily basis. He did go to work today thankfully so I feel like I can breath a little but it's still there I know
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 93
I'm in a similar boat. I am fortunate that my job allows me to bring the kids with me, so its wake up, kids, work, kids, work/kids, maybe stay up way to late to have some time way from the kids, pay for it the next morning when I am exhausted, and do it all again. I did remove the dog from my list of things about a year ago. He's hubby's dog, I don't want an indoor dog, or a dog at all, but the dog is too old to make him stay outside. Anyway, I work with my family so I just desperately need adult company sometime that isn't my siblings. I went to walmart at midnight the other night just to feel free for a bit. I'd invited a girl that I am friends with, but it's the type of friendship where once or twice a year we make an effort to see each other, but she's busy with her life and I am to. And hubby isn't really great company most of the time. Comes home from work, watches movies with our son, we get the kids to bed then we watch tv till its time to sleep. I miss intelligent conversation and discussion and debate. He gets mad at me for disagreeing with him all the time- but if I agree with everything he says, there is no conversation! Anyways, yea, being a full time mom can be such a lonely job. It is rewarding, and I feel bad my husband doesn't get to see all the crazy, awful, wonderful things our son does during the day. But the social isolation is hard to break out of. I was a hermit before my husbands addiction, and it needs to change but I don't even know how to make friends at this point in my life. I do go to a family group every week no matter how busy I am, as well as go to city council meetings and I'm on a board in town. So those are good ways to get around grown ups, as well as try to do some good in this world that has so much bad in it. It's got the dark side of a lot more work and stress and loss of time, but it has been worth it.
I'm rambly tonight. It's another one of those nights that hubby goes to bed early and I just don't want to go to bed, but i've no one to talk to.
Except for all you fantastic folks here of course
I'm rambly tonight. It's another one of those nights that hubby goes to bed early and I just don't want to go to bed, but i've no one to talk to.
Except for all you fantastic folks here of course
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My friend you need Naranon or Celebrate Recovery. You also need to stop the isolation and reach out to people who care about you. When I came out of hiding of my XAH's behavior, and reached out to others, and was honest about what was going on, it changed my life. I gained an amazing support system. Being in isolation is toxic to your soul.
Go to a meeting. Go do something you enjoy. Ask a friend out to dinner and BE HONEST when they ask how are you. Exercise. Have some fun in your life, you deserve that.
Go to a meeting. Go do something you enjoy. Ask a friend out to dinner and BE HONEST when they ask how are you. Exercise. Have some fun in your life, you deserve that.
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