Is this a relapse?
 

My husband has been home from rehab for less than two weeks. His DOC is oxy and he drinks, but doesn't believe himself to be an alcoholic. He was doing great up until the last couple of days. He has started acting distant and hasn't been to a meeting in two days. Yesterday, he was very grumpy and nervous. Then today, he has started demanding that I put him back onto our bank account, and is threatening to take his paycheck into a separate account if I refuse to put him back onto our joint account. When he was in active addiction, he habitually transferred money from our joint account into another bank account that he owns. He is accusing me of hiding something from him, yelling at me, and trying to guilt me into giving him access. One of the first things he did when he came home was to take away my access to his cell phone records, and claimed that he would let me see them anytime I wanted with him. So I told him that I would do the same, with regard to our joint account. This was not acceptable to him. Does it sound like I am I looking at a relapse here?

Hey...

Even if he isn't relapsing, there is nothing about his behavior that is acceptable.

Do you have friends in the area?

Yes, but they don't want anything to do with our problems. We have three small children and I'm so worried about what moving out again will do to them.

If you go to our homepage, you will find a sticky note that Ann posted on abuse.

My view is there is nothing that your AH is doing that's considered acceptable behavior. You may be his wife, LL, but he has no right to treat you poorly. No right whatsoever.

If you have somewhere you can go, I would encourage you to take your children and get out.

We have members that have been through similar ordeals. My hope is that they pipe up soon. Pay attention to what they share with you, LL. And again, check out Ann's sticky note.

Please keep us posted. We're here for you.

I think I would be more worred about what staying with an active addict would do to those 3 small children.

Recovery looks like recovery..............and from what you have shared it would appear the novelty of his rehab has worn off.

I know how you feel andi go thru the same problems.they want you to feel bad to the point of giving in and unfortunately we usually do. If you want to talk I don't mind because I right there with you

I think you are wise to pay attention to the red flags. Yes, it does sound like he is headed in the wrong direction. If you can get out, I would. He is probably hiding cell records because his dealers number is on there and of course the bank account is the money trail. Put yourself and your kids first. He is choosing the drugs before your family.

I agree, recovery looks like recovery, and what he exhibits is not what you should be seeing.

Thank you all...I wish I weren't so afraid right now. Why can't I shake this? I think it is pride on my part. I'm too proud to admit that my husband has chosen a chemical over me and the kids.

He has chosen a chemical over himself. That is the issue.

Addicts are nothing if they are not selfish. He only cares about escaping and being high and what he can do to get his fix. I agree that recovery looks like recovery.

instead of looking at what might be prompting his behavior, LOOK directly AT his BEHAVIOR. he is being secretive and threatening. he is using money as a threat. he is ratcheting up his anger and hostillity and is showing NO remorse OR concern for how his threatened actions may affect your and the children.

you moved out once before....you can most certainly do so again. children deserve safe happy secure homes filled with love. and that does not happen with an addict on the rampage.........instead of asking why he would choose drugs over his family....ask yourself why you would choose to stay in his toxic insanity instead of putting your own welfare FIRST.

Itching it's as hard for us to walk away from the as it is for them to walk away from their addiction....it's what we know..what they know...fear of the unknown..being unable to admit there is a problem...being able to make a change...it's very hard

I know what you are saying it the truth...I am trying.

lonelynn....it's baby steps. One little thing at a time. Sometimes even standing still is absolutely fine, just dont' move yourself backwards.

Tight Hugs!

Someone once said that it's better for kids to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home.