Marijuana - Cancer and Chemotherapy
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 11
Marijuana - Cancer and Chemotherapy
Marijuana - Cancer and Chemotherapy
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My 22 year old son is what I believe to be a marijuana addict. It has caused him and my family so many problems but he would never agree with this assessment as he is in massive denial. I have been attending Al-Anon for three years. We have been estranged for a long time until he was recently diagnosed with cancer. I have been trying to be there for him with his illness and detach with love knowing full well he will/is continuing to smoke - even against doctors' orders. When he came back around I very clearly stated my boundaries....No marijuana in my home and I don't want to be around you while you are high. He does not live with me - he lives with his father who I feel grossly enables him. In the last two weeks he has brought drugs into my home and on another occasion snuck out of the house in the middle of the night when he was staying over to get high and I caught him and asked him to leave - that he couldn't be high in my home and I will uphold my boundaries no matter what. He played the cancer card. He has never ever used pot in any medicinal way (unless of course he is self-medicating) only to escape his life and all his problems. He does all the usual - blame, guilt-trip, deflect and attack to get me to see his point of view. I have again had to bow out - even during his cancer treatment as it is impossible for him to respect my boundaries and I will not fall for his addiction shenanigans. Just looking for advice - I know I did the right thing but feel like crap. His paranoia and irrationality make it extremely difficult to have a relationship with him and even though we have been through hell multiple times - he just can't or won't respect me or my boundaries. Thanks in advance.
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My 22 year old son is what I believe to be a marijuana addict. It has caused him and my family so many problems but he would never agree with this assessment as he is in massive denial. I have been attending Al-Anon for three years. We have been estranged for a long time until he was recently diagnosed with cancer. I have been trying to be there for him with his illness and detach with love knowing full well he will/is continuing to smoke - even against doctors' orders. When he came back around I very clearly stated my boundaries....No marijuana in my home and I don't want to be around you while you are high. He does not live with me - he lives with his father who I feel grossly enables him. In the last two weeks he has brought drugs into my home and on another occasion snuck out of the house in the middle of the night when he was staying over to get high and I caught him and asked him to leave - that he couldn't be high in my home and I will uphold my boundaries no matter what. He played the cancer card. He has never ever used pot in any medicinal way (unless of course he is self-medicating) only to escape his life and all his problems. He does all the usual - blame, guilt-trip, deflect and attack to get me to see his point of view. I have again had to bow out - even during his cancer treatment as it is impossible for him to respect my boundaries and I will not fall for his addiction shenanigans. Just looking for advice - I know I did the right thing but feel like crap. His paranoia and irrationality make it extremely difficult to have a relationship with him and even though we have been through hell multiple times - he just can't or won't respect me or my boundaries. Thanks in advance.
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Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Hi, Stevie...
I see you that joined a short time after I did, but you haven't posted a lot. So I'm glad that you've posted, and I hope that you stick around for a while
I think the key point is one you've made; your son is not capable of respecting your boundaries. And even if that type of person isn't an addict, we can't afford to have people like that in our lives.
As far as his father enabling him, that's his problem. Not yours.
If you hang out here long enough, you will come across others like you who have addict children. And my hope is when you cross their path and have the opportunity to absorb their ES&H, you do so. You can live a good life even if your son continues to abuse himself. If he wants to do that, that's his choice. But there's no way you should pay the price for his decisions.
Welcome back.
I see you that joined a short time after I did, but you haven't posted a lot. So I'm glad that you've posted, and I hope that you stick around for a while
Just looking for advice - I know I did the right thing but feel like crap. His paranoia and irrationality make it extremely difficult to have a relationship with him and even though we have been through hell multiple times - he just can't or won't respect me or my boundaries.
As far as his father enabling him, that's his problem. Not yours.
If you hang out here long enough, you will come across others like you who have addict children. And my hope is when you cross their path and have the opportunity to absorb their ES&H, you do so. You can live a good life even if your son continues to abuse himself. If he wants to do that, that's his choice. But there's no way you should pay the price for his decisions.
Welcome back.
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