SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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denphen 09-24-2014 04:38 PM

spent life surrounded by addiction
 
Father has always been an alcoholic and husband is a recovering addict but still has issues.

Ann 09-24-2014 05:12 PM

I'm sorry for your situation but glad you found us.

Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum and you will find a lot of good information.

We cannot change anyone else, but we can keep ourselves healthy while we decide what is and what is not acceptable in our lives.

Hugs

zoso77 09-24-2014 05:14 PM


Originally Posted by denphen (Post 4917081)
Father has always been an alcoholic and husband is a recovering addict but still has issues.

Welcome to the Board.

Tell us about you...

denphen 09-24-2014 05:14 PM

Thanks I don't blame anyone for my choices but can't help but feel one situation is what led to another

denphen 09-24-2014 05:18 PM

I'm a stay at home mom of 2. I have been married twice..first time for 4 yrs and this time almost 5.. I'm only 30. I've never not had addiction in my life but I myself have never even smoked a cigarette. I do understand alot about addiction just from my surroundings but of course can't say I understand from a perspective of the addict because I haven't been one. I'm smart enough to know what should be done yet have trouble changing my ways of allowing things to happen around me

Ann 09-24-2014 05:37 PM

Denphen, many of us have had to make hard choices. My adult son is the addicted loved one in my life and after years of almost killing myself trying to save him, I had to let go and move on with my life and leave his life and his choices up to him and to God.

You have children, that can make it harder to leave..and more dangerous to stay. Are your children safe from any drugs that may be left around or aggressive drug-driven behaviour?

I hope you find some comfort and peace here. We all walk together here and I am glad you joined us.

Hugs

denphen 09-24-2014 05:43 PM

They are fine and to the world so am I. I've always been considered the strong one in my family. My mother relied on me to be her dumping ground and I never felt I could be anything but strong and Then after I just keep finding people who need that instead of one's who can give me what I've been lacking. .which is my own dumping ground. I've been strong for a really long time and I don't know how much longer I can do it. I feel so broken and since I have nobody to even be myself sound it's just making it worse. I will never trust anyone because I've never known anyone who was trustworthy. I always have my guard up and I'm preparing for grief and pain always. I swore I wouldn't be my mother and I already am.

zoso77 09-24-2014 05:59 PM

Your RAH's issues do not have to be your issues. It is not your job to carry the weight of everyone's sh*t on your shoulders. Because if you do, there comes a day when your legs just give.

So, the question is are you open to learning a new way to live your life?

Those who find us have to answer that question to one degree or another. In the case of someone like Ann, she's got an addict son that drove her to the brink. And through a lot of hard work, she stepped back from the brink and learned how to live her life again.

In my case, I just had a crazy AXGF who did me the favor of removing herself from my life nearly 3 years ago (long story).

You've got some thinking to do, and we're here to lend you support as you're going through this. Take advantage of what we have to offer. You'll be glad you did.

And again, Welcome to the Board.

spia 09-24-2014 06:05 PM

Denphen,

It is not fair that you have been required to be strong. Usually when we say that we have been strong it really means that we survived. I can relate because I have survived. I survived many addictions of many different people. I have also been the dumping ground for others...many others. It is not fair. It is not right.
However, no one deserves to be any one else's dumping ground. Just like you are not in charge of handling every one's bad and ugly. ... others are not responsible for your bad and ugly. You don't need any one to dump on. Nor do you really want any one to dump on.

I think what we all need is to have a PERSON. Someone that cares for us without strings and someone that will be honest and loving. We all need people in our life that don't have other motives for us. People that don't want to use us. People that really want what is best for us.

I think there are people like that out there. But, we don't find them because we are so used to surviving that we don't know how to just live. We don't know a normal because our normal is so screwed up and twisted.

So I have been noticing that the more healthy I get the more healthy people I find. I no longer to look for those people to dump on or to have people dump on me. I am looking out for me. Mind you I am a codependent. I am still learning what that means for me.

But, don't go out looking for others to dump on. Go out looking for YOU. Go out to make you healthy again. Make you happy. Focus on YOU!

denphen 09-24-2014 06:13 PM

Thank you. It's nice to hear someone say they can relate. Amd your right I don't want that because it's not me. I don't dump on anyone amd prob wouldn't even know how to. I'm too use to holding stuff in. I have trouble seeing the good in people cuz I'm searching for their faults and motives cuz it's all I know. I just want to be happy.


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