He's at it again... Leaving a

Old 09-22-2014, 08:19 AM
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He's at it again... Leaving a

I posted back in May about my boyfriend overdosing on my Xanax and having major issues with alcohol.

Since then he has seen a therapist (6 times... before he decided $120 a month was too expensive for him).

Promised to stop drinking (I know, I know).

Here's the deal. When the May stuff was going on, I was dealing with major family things as well... My dad ended up dying of cancer in July. The weekend that my boyfriend had his issues, was the weekend my dad had come home from hospital check up where he had received a poor report card on his cancer.

While I spent 2 weeks at the hospital with my dad, my boyfriend went to Dallas. He drank at a show. And e-mailed a prostitute. Claims nothing happened. Whatever.

Week after I got home... My dad was checked into local hospital. Day he was checked in, boyfriend bought a $3.** bottle of vodka and drank it before coming to hospital to see my dad.

Since my dad passed, my boyfriend has not been supportive and has been very weird and possessive of me, even towards me spending time with my mom (I am an only child). The day of my dad's burial he said "why don't you just move in with your mom, you've spent the night there the last 5 nights anyway," etc, etc. He's also made comments re:being sad won't bring my dad back (well, duh, I know that... but it was only 3 weeks after his death that he said this).

He claims to have not had anything since then to drink (Right)... Until Friday. He had an endoscopy to check himself out (bad heartburn for 5 years) and I think my dad's cancer scared him -- esophageal caused by silent acid reflux. I brought him home afterward, which being there for him at the same place that my dad was diagnosed, was difficult. He got angry about his iPhone 6 delivery and was yelling at me and taking out his issues with his parents on me. I said, "if you're going to act like this, I'm going to go until you decide to be nice." So I left and went to my friends house. When I came home 3 hours later, he was passed out awkwardly sitting up and not breathing as normal as usual... and given that he had been under anesthesia 5 hours earlier... I woke him up. I woke up a monster. He had drank a bottle of vodka to "celebrate not having esophageal cancer" on his way home from picking up his new iPhone. He started throwing accusations at me about hooking up with someone else (I was at a girl friend's house) when I had left, etc. He slammed his legs into my lap and almost shoved me off the couch intentionally, although I held my ground. He informed me that he couldn't be the only sober person in the relationship (I was sitting there, stone cold sober) at this time as well. I have the occasional glass of wine when out with friends and he's not present (which I'm not "allowed" to even do anymore).

I am **% sure that he has bipolar disorder on top of his addiction issues. I'm walking on eggshells every single day not to ignite the rage inside of him. Last night he screamed at me in Target about pushing the cart 2 aisles over when something caught my eye -- something about common courtesy and not making him wander through the store looking like an idiot.

Leaving him is a given. I don't need anymore convincing. I hadn't wanted to have to "grieve" the relationship while I am supposed to be grieving my dad, but I can't deal anymore. I am moving back in with my mom for the time being as we could both use each other following my dad's death. It's actually interesting, I don't think my dad felt this would work after the May incident... because in his eulogy... which my dad wrote a portion of... my dad told me he loved me and to "always be happy and make good decisions." My friends, my mom and myself immediately knew what/who he was referring to. He's verbally and emotionally abusive and heading down the other path, it seems.

I'm just concerned about the actual leaving portion. He's supposed to be leaving for work next week. My plan is to pack up my stuff the day he leaves/goes to the airport. I won't drive him to airport as I normally would "due to meetings". The next day the movers will come. He will come home the following day.

I am not sure how to tell him (do I call him once I've gotten my stuff out when he's still out of town?) or do I just wait for him to come home to a half empty house? I am moving out while he's gone as I don't know how he will react -- sometimes he screams and tells me I should move out and then 5 minutes later he's cuddling back up to me.

Any input is greatly appreciated as I try to extract myself from this relationship with my addict boyfriend.
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Old 09-22-2014, 08:51 AM
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UBB...

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. It's never easy to lose a parent.

I will respond to your post in more detail this evening. In the meantime, allow our members to comfort you and support you. You're in a safe place with us.

Hang in there.
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Old 09-22-2014, 09:18 AM
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I am so so sorry for the loss of your father. And I hope you continue to spend time with your mom as I am sure she needs it right now, and you too!

I personally would leave a note explaining why I left. I would then have my phone number changed.

Move forward, heal from this. Be nice to you.

Tight hugs.
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:08 PM
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So difficult. I would wait, until you are moved, to tell him. Do what you need to be safe when you tell him.

Hugs to you.
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Old 09-22-2014, 06:09 PM
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UBB...

Bipolar Disorder is a serious mood disorder. It is possible, I suppose, for him to have untreated Bipolar. What sounds more likely to me is a character disorder like Borderline Personality Disorder, especially given your description of his rage.

In either case, you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself. Convolve mental health issues with alcohol abuse, and you've got a time bomb. You need to be far outside that blast radius when he goes off.

Again, my condolences for the loss of your father. Once you get settled away from your ABF, you may want to see someone to help you process your grief and sort things out. In the meantime, visit us as often as you can and post when you have need.
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Old 09-24-2014, 05:22 AM
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Thank you all for your input, support and suggestions. I found out last night that ABF will not be leaving town until the 4th (Saturday) if at all. My issue now is...
Do I just pack a little and remove it each morning and then have some family friends and professional movers come next Wednesday morning and get me out (it's the 1st that day... I would owe him rent for the house we live in).. Or do I put him off about rent until he leaves town and then get out?

I'm just so nervous. We have an alarm app that can be checked for our house so you can see when doors open, etc. When he's at the office I don't think he would have time to check it...
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Old 09-24-2014, 06:22 AM
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I would do the pack a little option and have professional movers come. I would explain to them you are on a VERY limited time and they have to get it done quick. Those movers can haul a$$ if you stay on them.
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Old 09-28-2014, 08:10 AM
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I had hidden my bottle of xanax where I didn't think he could find it... And went to get one yesterday and there were only 2 left... And the Rx was supposed to last me another 8 days. He claims that he didn't take them.

Yesterday he went to the office to "organize his office" and when he came home I could tell he had been drinking. We went to an event that his bosses were at and he was well behaved and not mean to me as they were there but I think it had to be pretty clear to everyone that he was drunk.

I'm not saying anything or confronting him anymore as I know I just have 3 more nights left in this house and then I'm out. He still talks about the future and when we will get married etc. His mood swings are still out of control. Friday he wanted to spend time with me and I agreed (putting on my happy face for a few more days) and then he got angry when I left the room while he was watching one of his TV shows. He started lashing out at me about being a bitch and pouty because I wouldn't sit with him for the remainder of the show. Stupid stuff, I know. Then he wanted nothing to do with me the rest of the night; I even asked him if he wanted to watch a show we both like... He said no and then went in the other room and turned it on for himself. He's just doing stupid passive aggressive stuff now. I almost wonder if he's trying to push me away (if so, congrats to him).

He informed me late last night that I was "fun to hang out with...today."

We're going to lunch with his mom today and again, I'm just putting on my happy face for her. His parents are his biggest enablers. and I think they've dealt with something like this before with him. My mom told me the other day that when he was taken to hospital for overdose and she was in waiting room with his dad he said something like "I dknt know why he keeps on doing things like this." No one had ever told me about anything happening before. I knew when he lived in the city before he moved here, he got involved heavily with H... And quit cold turkey on his own. But I knew nothing of a situation like the one in May.

I guess this is just me venting -- there's prinably not much to say as we all already know I'm leaving. Movers are scheduled for Wednesday morning. Thank God. I won't go bsck to office that day I don't think. I'm not sure. Ugh.
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Old 09-28-2014, 08:28 AM
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UBB...keep us posted over the next few days.
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Old 09-28-2014, 08:32 AM
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Question. If he shows up at my mom's following my leaving, is calling the police a valid option?
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Old 09-28-2014, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by UBB View Post
Question. If he shows up at my mom's following my leaving, is calling the police a valid option?
If you feel you are in physical danger, then yes.
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Old 09-28-2014, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
UBB...

Bipolar Disorder is a serious mood disorder. It is possible, I suppose, for him to have untreated Bipolar. What sounds more likely to me is a character disorder like Borderline Personality Disorder, especially given your description of his rage.

In either case, you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself. Convolve mental health issues with alcohol abuse, and you've got a time bomb. You need to be far outside that blast radius when he goes off.

Again, my condolences for the loss of your father. Once you get settled away from your ABF, you may want to see someone to help you process your grief and sort things out. In the meantime, visit us as often as you can and post when you have need.
A+ on the DX, Z.

As Z noted -- The quick flip stuff is generally Borderline. It is a clear diagnosis apsect differing between BiPolar and Borderline.

It is also known as -- Emotional Dysregulation with a Hyperactive Amygdala. (a portion of the Brain, that when functioning correctly helps regulate emotions -- especially Fear and other "negative" ones).

I follow that the addictions and alcohol seem like the Big Deal. They are most likely not. They are just ineffective Self-Medication.

Not much you can do at this point other than get away.

More info Here >>>

BPDFamily | Borderline Personality Disorder

and here >>>>

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html
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