Calmwater

I can't stop crying tonight.
Had a good day yesterday, went to the botanical gardens with a good friend, then out to dinner. AH kept texting me all throughout. I ignored him and had a good time anyway, but then I messed up and called him when I got home. All these posts begging me to call, he only wanted to hear my voice, ect... He just wanted to hassle me about the kids again. I've told him he needs to get into some kind of treatment before they can stay the night with him. Now he's filing for divorce tomorrow to try to force my hand because he knows my family has very little money and his does. Lots of threats that he's going to get a great lawyer and bankrupt my family and I if he doesn't get them overnight when he wants. Legal aid just sent me a letter saying that it would be about a month to get me set up with a lawyer and they could only help with the divorce if nothing had been filed yet.

I'm trying so hard to protect my boys, but I'm so tired. This hurts so much. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I'm being but I feel like curling up into a ball and not moving. I can't though, tomorrow I'll get up and go to work. Today I helped my middle son with a costume all day. There are people everywhere in this house and I just want to be alone so I can fall apart. I know I'm really lucky that I have a place to stay and people who love me. I just hurt so bad right now and I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like a scared little kid but I have to be the mom, and there's no security from dad right now. I just could use some encouraging words tonight, I feel like all my nerves are on the outside right now.

Thanks for listening.

ladyscribbler

Hugs to you. You are a great mom.
Over on the F&F of Alcoholics forum we have a thread called Quackers. Sounds like your AH is doing some world class quacking about the lawyer, blah, blah. They always have such big, grandiose plans, but the follow through is usually lacking. Don't take his nonsense to heart.
Get some rest, have a good cry. Scratch out some time for yourself. I know how upsetting it is when they start making threats, especially about the kids, even if it is all just noise and nonsense.
OT- what was the costume? Halloween? My boys (5 & 12 ((13 on Tuesday)) are already excited and it's six weeks away.

qwer1234

Calmwater,

You ARE doing the right thing for you and for your boys.

I divorced an alcoholic eight years ago with seven kids in tow! He swore he'd ruin me. He ruined himself.

ladyscibbler is correct about quackers they rarely follow through....difficult to do when you're pickling your brain!

You are brave for stepping out and doing this.

Prayer for strength for today,

qwer

Calmwater

Thank you both so much! I'm off to work, but I really, really appreciate the replies. I love the quacking thread, it made me smile. It's so true, and sad, but we can all relate.

Ugg, I have a pounding headache this morning, and my stomach is killing me. I have to chill out, I have an autoimmune condition called Sjogrens syndrome, and if I'm not careful I'll set off a flare. Stress and not enough sleep are huge triggers. So easy to relax right now! One day at a time, right? Thanks again.

Calmwater

Just got back from our friends and family support group. I just listened mostly today, my two younger boys talked about their feelings. It makes me want to smack my AH upside his thick head. How can he not see what he's doing to his kids!? And I am so sick of him blaming me for the relationship he has with them.

My friend asked me Saturday why I would do anything to protect the boys but I don't protect myself. It's true. I get so angry over what he's done to them, but I just feel sad about our relationship, and all the times he hurt me. Gas lighting is right, I never thought of it as emotional abuse. I hate the thought of being a weak person that was taken advantage of. It just reinforces that I still have a lot of work to do.

Ladyscribbler, my boys are really into anime, they're all teenagers, and he's going to a convention ( kind of like comic con, but anime) . He's being a character called Lancer from a show called Fate Zero. Not that most people know who that is, lol! Halloween is great isn't it? I always loved helping my boys with their costumes and taking them out.

zoso77

Notice that this is all about him. What he wants. Never mind what's best for the kids. He says he's willing to bring you and your family to financial ruin in order to get his way. I wonder if he's thought about the consequences to his kids if he really followed through on that threat.

Actually, I don't wonder. He hasn't. Nor does he give a sh*t.

And what about his family? What does it say about them if they actually supported him in achieving his aim? From my vantage point, not much. At best, they're seriously codependent. At worst, they're unconscionably stupid.

He's all talk, no walk. Let him make his little threats. Your job is to manage yourself and to take care of your boys. Do not let a bully intimidate you under any circumstances.

Calmwater

Thanks Zoso77. You're right, life's all about him right now. The rest of us are just bit players in his tragedy.

His father is an alcoholic, and left his family for another women on Christmas eve when AH was young. I don't know if he's really helping AH, or if that's another story, but it wouldn't surprise me. Who knows what AH is saying, he's an amazing liar. His family is full of addicts, one of his brothers is bipolar, and they all struggle with depression. His mom has been great, she and her partner spent a lot of time with us, and they know he needs help.

Thanks again. He is a bully, and I just need to remember that.