Stressed
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
His lovely GF called me today, begged us not too charge him.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Katie,
I too struggled with pressing charges against my two adult kids when they stole, lied and stole some more. My heart broke and is still in pain. However, they did what they did because of this horrible disease of addiction and both girls needed to be held accountable to their crimes. All this to feed their addiction.
I love my RADs so, but at the time of their drugging it up, they loved drugs more. No matter what I said, pleaded with them, cried and bargained, the AV was stronger than a mothers whispered love.
Now, they don't even remember the pain they caused and the fear I still have. Everything is locked up or hidden. My trust in my children continues to be weak.
I'm sorry you feel this unmerciful heartache, which many of us mammas do. Time will give you some peace, some relief.
You know what you have to do and we are all here to support you.
I will be thinking good thoughts and say a prayer for you and your family.
TF
I too struggled with pressing charges against my two adult kids when they stole, lied and stole some more. My heart broke and is still in pain. However, they did what they did because of this horrible disease of addiction and both girls needed to be held accountable to their crimes. All this to feed their addiction.
I love my RADs so, but at the time of their drugging it up, they loved drugs more. No matter what I said, pleaded with them, cried and bargained, the AV was stronger than a mothers whispered love.
Now, they don't even remember the pain they caused and the fear I still have. Everything is locked up or hidden. My trust in my children continues to be weak.
I'm sorry you feel this unmerciful heartache, which many of us mammas do. Time will give you some peace, some relief.
You know what you have to do and we are all here to support you.
I will be thinking good thoughts and say a prayer for you and your family.
TF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Coast
Posts: 28
I'm so very sorry, Katie.
But I am proud of you for recognizing the truth, and what needs to be done.
You know it. You know you have to do it.
The thing is, he knows what's right, too. He knows exactly where he's been and what he's been doing. It's not an effing mystery. He knows how he's been manipulating the circumstances to his benefit.
I'm sorry for his sweet girlfriend. But I'm more sorry for you.
Just take care of yourself. I'm so, so, so sorry. You are doing the right thing.
But I am proud of you for recognizing the truth, and what needs to be done.
You know it. You know you have to do it.
The thing is, he knows what's right, too. He knows exactly where he's been and what he's been doing. It's not an effing mystery. He knows how he's been manipulating the circumstances to his benefit.
I'm sorry for his sweet girlfriend. But I'm more sorry for you.
Just take care of yourself. I'm so, so, so sorry. You are doing the right thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Spoke to the Visa Fraud on Friday, they have sent the info to our local police. Just a matter of time until they charge him. Very bright I'm sure they have pictures of him on Camera. His Gf showed up here yesterday looking for him again. What a lovely bright young women. Of course she thinks she can change him, and help him. She stated since July he's been lying , however doesn't believe he's doing drugs. She said to us his problem is alcohol. It ripped my heart out to see this lovely young girl in tears. My spouse and I told her we didn't want to get involved. The best thing she could do is walk away. She won't at least not right now. I am so saddened and disgusted in AS. He is a manipulator, a liar, a thief and he steam rolls over everyone with his chaotic lifestyle. I am so tired of saying "he's an addict" . At what point & when will this insanity stop. My spouse and I want nothing to do with him anymore until he is in recovery and leading an active honest lifestyle. Part of me feels so guilty for my feelings. When I look at him I see a shell, a liar ! He is extremely handsome, well dressed. He can fool the best of them. I love my son dearly, but the truth is we don't know who he is. We saw a short glimpse of him while in Recovery that's it.I just can't do this anymore. Has anyone else felt this way ? I am just so disgusted in his lies , and manipulation.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Katie, I felt that way often and then felt guilty for feeling that way. I think that out emotions don't quite know what to do with all this.
I too had to step back and let my adult son choose his own path, however bad that choice might be.
Until I did that, I too became sick, soul sick and physically sick and I knew that I had to change or die trying to save my son...whose saving was never mine to do.
If you can find meetings and go to them I think they may help, Katie. It will help you regain your balance and your health.
Hugs
I too had to step back and let my adult son choose his own path, however bad that choice might be.
Until I did that, I too became sick, soul sick and physically sick and I knew that I had to change or die trying to save my son...whose saving was never mine to do.
If you can find meetings and go to them I think they may help, Katie. It will help you regain your balance and your health.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Katie,
I'm so sorry you are going thru this again and again. You know what? There's a few thousand of us parents who have or are still feeling that guilt, broken heart, sadness and dare I say disgust in our addicted children?
My ADs went thru detox and I'm still in pain some days. That's why I come here, the support gets me thru the day and night.
He is still in there, he is but his disease has control over him right now and until he is ready to change his life and is sick of being sick, there's not much us mommas can do.
I found that the "sting" of calling my girls "addicts" softened a bit when I looked at addiction as a disease, which IMO it is.
Of course you love him and you always will, but Katie, please love yourself too! Try to find some form of distraction, support. You know, go over to the Nercomers forum and check out Nerfers thread, look at the pretty roses and listen to the moving music...
Take his GF to a meeting and let her see if there's a pattern or some similarity in what she hears and sees. Love will take a blind eye at first.
Please will you do something for me today? Will you do something for YOU today? A walk or go for brunch, get a mani or pedi, get out of that guilty mode and attempt the acceptance mode?
That's what I did and it helped. I went and got a haircut and style, it stopped the tears and distracted me for a little while.
God bless you Katie and your family and the girlfriend. Breathe...
TF
I'm so sorry you are going thru this again and again. You know what? There's a few thousand of us parents who have or are still feeling that guilt, broken heart, sadness and dare I say disgust in our addicted children?
My ADs went thru detox and I'm still in pain some days. That's why I come here, the support gets me thru the day and night.
He is still in there, he is but his disease has control over him right now and until he is ready to change his life and is sick of being sick, there's not much us mommas can do.
I found that the "sting" of calling my girls "addicts" softened a bit when I looked at addiction as a disease, which IMO it is.
Of course you love him and you always will, but Katie, please love yourself too! Try to find some form of distraction, support. You know, go over to the Nercomers forum and check out Nerfers thread, look at the pretty roses and listen to the moving music...
Take his GF to a meeting and let her see if there's a pattern or some similarity in what she hears and sees. Love will take a blind eye at first.
Please will you do something for me today? Will you do something for YOU today? A walk or go for brunch, get a mani or pedi, get out of that guilty mode and attempt the acceptance mode?
That's what I did and it helped. I went and got a haircut and style, it stopped the tears and distracted me for a little while.
God bless you Katie and your family and the girlfriend. Breathe...
TF
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
At what point & when will this insanity stop.
The insanity stops when you decide you're done and follow that decision up with a plan of action.
You have repeatedly described your son as a liar, a manipulator, etc. He's had 11 years to get his act together, and has chosen to not do so. In all honesty, he probably won't. So the best thing you can do for yourself (and strangely enough for him) is to allow the legal process to run its due course.
Remember: the longer you stayed coupled to him, the longer your prolong the insanity. And I believe you've had enough of that.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Red Bank
Posts: 78
Sorry Katie. We tried for years to fix things so my AS would not have a record. Well he stole when he wasn't living with us so we did not get a chance to fix it. He went to jail for 6 weeks and now he has a felony (theft by deception) on his record. All those years and all that money and it still didn't help. What goes thru their minds is so unreal and frightening. And hard to understand. Your son sounds just like mine in active addiction.
At some point you just can't protect them anymore and that is what hurts so much.
At some point you just can't protect them anymore and that is what hurts so much.
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