Ann

I look forward to it.. really I do.

Hugs

Mags1

Hi Ann I found this thread and couldn't stop reading it until I got to the end. I'm going to ingest it slower when I read it again. I just wanted to say thank you. Powerful words, just simple ordinary words, but in the right order, wham, amazing.

So, strangely enough I've been having a moan on another thread so here goes.

What is wrong.

I can't forgive myself for what I put my husband through when I was drinking. We could have had such a good marriage instead of one filled with despair, on his part. Drunkeness on my part.

What can I do.

I hope I can live in this day. I know I can't change the past.
Give thanks for my sobriety.
Show my husband in actions I will never be that person again.

Ann

Wise words Mags. The best amends is a living amends and in time you will be a better person for the journey. On his part, it may take time for forgiveness to come but one way or another it probably will. All you can do is keep your side of the street clean, it's up to him what he does with his side.

If we learn from our mistakes they become lessons and they teach us a better way to live. There is a blessing in that somewhere.

Hugs

DG0409

Wow, I am loving this thread. To me, this is what recovery is really all about.

I can't say that I am currently facing any really tough emotions, but I have certainly been through my share in recovery. One of the things that really helped me was very similar to what has been written about here.

The first step for me in working towards feeling better was to write out my feelings and try to identify what the real problems were- either on paper or here on SR. Then step two for me was to identify what I was going to do about it. A lot of times, I would make a list of things I was going to do to help myself feel better. Generally it would look something like this:

-Eat something and drink some water
-Do a bit of yoga
-Take a walk
-Read a book
-Post on SR
-Do some chores

Once I was through with the list or part way through with it, I would generally start to feel better. Even just the feeling of knowing that I was doing something to work towards feeling better was really powerful.

So much of what I do seems to already have been mentioned in this thread, so I feel like I'm repeating other people a bit, but hey, if it works, it works.

Some new things I've been learning to do lately for my recovery include actually going to meetings and calling recovery friends. I've been slow at exploring these social routes for help and support.

One thing that I do struggle with is balance. I get really focused on whatever I happen to be working on at the time, so it is hard for me to stay balanced. Yesterday, I spent several hours working on my car directly after I woke up. So by mid-afternoon, I was about to pass out from not eating. I don't know if that sort of thing is directly related to recovery or just how I am. But I had to tell myself that wasn't a good way to be. Today, I at least had breakfast before starting in on the car and took a break for lunch. I have to take time to remember to take care of myself.

Some times, I have to go back to basics and remember just to check in with how I am doing. I don't know why it can be so easy to become distant from our feelings.

Anyway, just my thoughts that were inspired by this thread.

Ann

DG, I too get distracted by life and forget to do the things I need to do to stay healthy. Recently I had an alarming low glucose incident, I get shaky and whoozy and it's something that only ever happens when I go without eating or eat too much of the wrong thing. I am not diabetic but it's much the same. My husband has a glucose meter and when this happened the second day in a row, I took my reading and was not pleased one bit, it was dangerously low and I knew exactly why...I had neglected my own care while focusing on his.

Like you, I knew enough to ponder on why this happened and then take action to do something about it...now.

DG, time has shown you and I that "doing the do things" really works and it does make us feel better, even by just taking the time to recognize that something needs "doing".

I love your share here, it shows the "flow" of how recovery works into our day to day life and becomes a way of living...a good way of living healthy and well.

Thank you for sharing that.

Hugs

Ann

I dug up this link tonight for another member, but it links to a step study that explains each step and has a work section at the end of each step.

If you are not interested in 12 step, this will not interest you, but for those who are it's a very good place to get a grasp of what it all means and how it applies to you. If you feel like you could use more, maybe attend some meetings and get a sponsor to guide you through the steps.

Good luck and good reading.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependents.html

suki44883

Here I go again, but I saw these on Pinterest...

Ann

Thanks Suki, I really like these. I am motivated by this kind of poster and need to put a few where I can remind myself often "I have a choice on how to live my life..."

irisgardens

I have been practicing Ann's advice to me above...just living in the day and the moment.

Life is much more manageable...as it always is when I succeed in doing this...and I am very grateful to be back in the moment.

I have been doing what I need to do...but without huge plans or pressure...just taking one step at a time...as things come up. I have managed to do more than I would have if I had spent more time in worrying.

I have had some blessings, and I am let some feelings that I didn't like come and go and just be...without giving in to them...and also without justifying or rationalizing them.

I have enjoyed meeting with a few friends, and done some errands and chores...and was able to get my phone restarted which was a challenge...and I felt very good about that...it took quite a few days (long story) and it is very satisfying to have it on...although I don't use it much...it is a good tool.

I have restarted my genealogy work which I really love and enjoy...and sent out some resumes without attaching outcomes to them. Left a phone call for a recruiting person and asked my exboss for a reference. Am also thinking of some other alternatives and thank you Ann for the ideas and suggestions which are very welcome and uplifting.

I am letting myself take care of myself more...which feels good...not getting so pushed and anxious about everything to accomplish but more into doing what is good in the moment and listening to my body again...

I love this thread and continue to read and re-read it...as it helps tremendously.

I researched a f2f naranon meeting and planned to go, but didn't feel well enough...however, it is on my schedule for next week.

thank you to all...and to these boards that help me...

Ann

Irisgarden, that is awesome, all that you have done, and I really hope the meeting next week will help you stay strong in your recovery. I love how you outline specifics, so the newcomer can see how it's done.

Thank you, and thank everyone, for contributing to this thread.

Something that has seen me through many dark nights, that has helped me as I struggled or felt a need for answers "now", is faith. It didn't come easy, I began my recovery very mad at God for letting my son and my life get so bad...and then I realized that I was shifting blame that I owned and my son owned and that God was patiently waiting for me to let go. I have never looked back since then.

I post each morning on the "Prayers for the Addicts Who Suffer" thread and posted this there today. It so well describes what faith means to me that I thought I would bring it here.

Part of my recovery is asking God to do for me what I cannot do for myself. And another important part is turning my son's care over to God each morning, then living my day in "faith" that He will take care of him.

Faith is believing what the mind cannot see but the heart knows to be true, Like "love", but different. It's a candle that I keep lit in my heart always.

This is Faith
~I'm sorry but I lost the author's name~

To walk where there is no path,
To breath where there is no air,
To see where there is no light-
This is Faith.

To cry out in the silence,
The silence of the night,
And hearing no echo believe
And believe again and again-
This is Faith.

To hold pebbles and see jewels
To raise sticks and see forests
To smile with weeping eyes-
This is Faith.

To Say: 'God, I believe' when others deny,
'I hear' when there is no answer,
'I see' though naught is seen-
This is Faith.

irisgardens

That is an awesome prayer.

MsPINKAcres

Oh my friend Ann ~ thanks for the suggestions of how to apply recovery to every day life!

I am always grateful for my recovery friends that have helped me with this ~

For me, I continue to ask myself what tone do I want to set for my household. I know I can't control my little families moods or actions, but I can help set the tone in my house. If I enter my home with a spirit of cooperation, gratitude, openness, joy and a positive outlook then I am more likely to receive that from the ones I encounter.

More times than not, you get what you give out, especially from your loved ones.

And for me - that is my focus this week ~ no matter how tired I am, no matter how badly I feel and how much I have on my busy schedule ~ I walk in that door after a 15 hr day and wow them with a fabulous PINK attitude!

I would love to tell you they always respond in like kind - they don't but it's getting better every day! And this makes for a much happier, more PINKful place for us all!

score for the PINKness!

PINK HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity) to all

Ann

Miss Pink, your light shines brightly here and I can only imagine what a joy you are to your family.

A positive attitude brings positive responses.

Hugs

URMYEVERYTHING

What's Wrong?

I recently learned that my addict ex, whom I loved, got remarried a month or so ago. It has been 5-6 years since we dated and the anger resurfaced.

What I Did About It

I came here to post and read.

Question: What are your feelings right now? and Why?

My Answers:

I feel bitter. I cycle into feelings and thoughts about the other woman. Why couldn't he treat me deserving enough as he has treated her. Why did he relapse with me and not her? Why does he get to be happy and in what looks like a loving relationship and I get to be single (STILL).

What will I do to dispel the power I have given those feelings above?

I will be grateful that the only emotion I hold right now is bitter and anger. I will allow myself to feel those emotions and not stuff them or numb them out. I will also be grateful that I do not have ALL the other emotions I did when dating him 5 years ago. OMG! I am so grateful to not be going through that.

I am also grateful that my experience with him has shown me a great deal on what it is I don't want out of the next relationship I get in. I have been able to sucessfully avoid dating others w/ addiction issues and I have remained single on purpose until I feel safe and respected. That seems to be taking forever though. LOL.

I am also grateful that I was able to finally cut him off. He contacted me shortly before getting married. I guess he was looking for validation as I know he deeply loved me as well. I set my boundary and told him to leave me alone. "You have a fiance and your focus should be on her and not me. Clearly, you are reverting to your old ways." It felt good to get some sort of validation for myself that I would have still been in that same predicament. It also helped me to shed some of the bitterness I had been carrying and realized that what appears happy and roses on the outside, doesn't mean that's what is happening.

KariSue

I am going through some rough stuff with my AS. On my walk this morning I stopped at an independent discount store similar to TJMaxx and bought a pair of shoes. So I'm adding retail therapy to the list if someone didn't already mention it.

It doesn't help a lot but I am making an effort to do something that keeps me going in the right direction and that's all any of us can do really. Putting one foot in front of the other and all that....

Kari

Neagrm

Kari, I like the multiple meanings in your "retail therapy." Not only is it an active step literally, a healthy move forward, a way to take good care of yourself; it's also a metaphor giving it deeper emotional-spiritual meaning to keep you motivated.

I've been struggling with grief and serious depression lately. I'll take a lesson from your example and do something physically active today.

KariSue

Good for you. This is gonna sound kind of weird but at one point on my walk as I was feeling sad I reminded myself that I wasn't the only one going through this but that many people are. For a bit, at least, I imagined some of them walking with me. I know 'freaky', lol, but I just felt them not saw them. Now I'm making myself laugh here thinking about how creepy this might sound.

Kari

Ann

URMY, I can feel you processing your feelings as you work through them. What you said about taking your time and choosing wisely next time around, taking the lessons from relationship(s) past and using them to make healthier choices, show how much your recovery shines.

Just when you're not looking, someone healthy and sober will come along and treat you like the queen you are, just wait and see if I'm not right about that.

Karisue, I'm with you. Retail therapy has helped me lift my mood many times, sometimes just some little thing like a new nail polish...and sometimes something bigger that I need anyway and just wait for the right day to shop for it.

And if that person walking with you had bunny slippers, it was just me out walking myself.

Neagrm, autumn here is in prime colour and it's the most beautiful time of all to walk. I try to get out for an hour each day, even when I don't feel like it, and without fail I come home revived and happy and my whole day is better just because I took the time to walk.

KariSue

Haha, I'll have to make my imaginary friends have bunny slippers next time.

I talked to a friend today and told her my whole sad story. I said that when I was walking this morning I felt so sad like I had lost my last friend. She reminded me that she would always be there for me. So another way to get through things is to call a friend.

Kari

Neagrm

What was wrong: I was very down, depressed, trying to process myriad feelings of deep grief/loss.

What I did: I walked on the treadmill a few minutes, meditated and prayed while gazing upon a beautiful Fall day. I spoke with a couple good friends who know the program well. I took care of a couple business details. I wrote and wrote, journaling and processing my feelings.

Result: I moved through the feelings and now feel happy and peaceful this evening. Energy and motivation are rising.