story74

Long story short. My x has abandoned his family and is a cocaine addict. In November it will be 2 years since he has seen his son (ok, he saw him a month ago for an hour). He disappeared for a year and half and started to call out of the blue in April. It took me awhile to take his calls. But, my son said he wanted to talk to him, so I took the call.

For the past 4 months he has been nice. If you could say 4 months. He was out of town for a month, but had no way to call his son????? I had asked him to write, but he never did. By the time he got back my son wasn't happy with him. You see, this man has yet to explain himself or explain his addiction and how he is in recovery (which he is probably not in since he is not explaining himself). So, my son is wondering WTH basically.

So he finally called us after a month of being gone, and my son didn't want to talk to him. The next time I got a call my son was sleeping so I didn't take it. He left a message with an attitude. So, to keep things nice I called him back and set up a time the next day to call. My son wasn't in the mood to talk, but wanted to take the call. Unfortunately, because that call did not go well he called again tonight. My son didn't want to talk to him. But, knowing that it would anger the bear and very nicely asked if he wanted to, and he said yes. So, we called. Always on speaker. My X had enough nerve to ask why he always has to be on speaker. I am so pissed. Here I am bending over backwards and trying to "play" nice and he has enough nerve to get grumpy with me? And of course he is on speaker because he has lied to my son behind my back on a supervised visit at the park. AND he hasn't answered any questions as to where was waldo? How is he recovering.I am so mad.

So, in short, he is starting to become angry and frustrated. I don't want any of it. I am not sure how I should deal with. Set some boundries? I don't know. I don't want to call him.

Sigh. I just want nice. I guess addicts don't play nice. Only when HE wants something.

It is like talking and dealing with a spoiled child.

So frustrated!!!!

Txhelp

He doesn't sound like he's in recovery. Is this one of the stipulations that he must be in recovery in order to speak with your son?

Considering that he isn't consistent enough, for your child, it seems that he is doing more harm than good. You son is telling you this.

Maybe contact him and set your boundaries. Perhaps, allow letter/cards only until he can prove himself. This is part of making amends!

ladyscribbler

You don't owe your ex anything. I understand how much it hurts when they mess around with the kids' heads. My ex actually got his phone shut off on purpose (paying the phone bill took up valuable drinking money) yet will still rant and rave about how I am "keeping his son from him."
The last time I spoke to him was at a court hearing for child support which I attended via telephone. And I didn't actually speak TO him at all, just the mediator. He was still trying to play Let's Make a Deal after screwing around not giving me a dime for nearly a year, so I ignored his noise and just answered the mediator's questions.
He was extremely unhappy with the outcome and left me a nasty voicemail after he got good and drunk later. Since then, nothing. Not one single attempt to talk to our son.
Sounds like your ex is having an "addict entitlement moment" and is not going to be a good, consistent parent right now.
I like the suggestion about only cards/letters as a boundary. Then there's less chance he'll upset your son.

ardy

as with my hubby of 21 years.. the only time he is really the man I married is when he wants something.. and then once he has it like a child the morphine is once again the most important part of his life... prayers to all on this very wet day 09/10 2014 ardy

zoso77

If you're dealing with a spoiled child, then perhaps you should send the child to his room without supper. Metaphorically speaking.

hopeful4

No contact, that's the solution. What he is doing w/his life is his problem. He is proving he is toxic to you and your son.

biminiblue

I sent my ex to put his nose in the corner to think about what he had done.

Grown-ass man standing in the corner in the bedroom.

I couldn't believe it 1.) that he did it and 2.) that I even asked.

atalose

I’m wondering how old your son is that HE gets to pick and choose when he feels like talking to daddy and you go along with that.

This man hasn’t seen his son in years and now because he’s been nice for 4 months you are putting not only yourself but your child through misery again?

Change your phone # be done with this man and try and get your son some counseling.

I know you are doing the best you can but we do have other choices, we can make different decisions.

Sungrl

I was curious on age as well. Makes a difference to my perspective on things.