crack use and prostitution: hand in hand?

Old 09-08-2014, 08:26 AM
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crack use and prostitution: hand in hand?

This is my first time on this site. I am looking for some answers that I continue to struggle with.

A year ago I became involved with a 'recovered' crack addict. At times he seemed withdrawn and moody, and admitted to using again 4 months into our relationship. I asked him where he went, how much he would use (I'm all very new to this) and he would avoid my questions. Our relationship then turned, I still cared for him a great deal, but I was very weary. I asked him if he had been with anyone else since our relationship started: he said no. It was this push pull dynamic I was caught up in and he wouldn't really let me go. I then recognized co-dependent tendencies in myself, but wanted to support him - and at least be his friend... I felt bad for him and his addiction. We were still in daily contact - talking about his recovery and the nature of our relationship.

About 2 months after he told me he used again, he finally came clean and told me the truth: whenever he uses crack, he uses with a prostitute and will exchange sexual favours. He will call up an escort agency, buy hours of time with a prostitute and buy crack for he and the prostitute to use. He told me there were two of them from this certain escort agency who 'partied' - and who he met up with in the previous months.

I was blown away, shocked, terrified, traumatized. I couldn't believe it. I got tested immediately - thankfully everything turned out fine for my health.
We didn't talk for months. He sent me his test results, which were fine also. He showed great shame and remorse, attends weekly/daily CA meetings. We talk once in a while now. I still feel very sad about everything. I really care for this guy, which probably sounds ridiculous. But at the end of the day, I don't trust him and images keep flashing in my mind of him getting high with prostitutes. He is amazingly emotionally intelligent. I want to believe he cared for me too, even though his actions show the opposite.

I wanted to be 'that girl' who helped him turn his life around. Now I realize I'll never be enough for him.

He also admitted to using prostitutes in the past - without drug use. I imagine he might have a sexual addiction as well.

The more I read, it seems as if crack use and prostitution go hand in hand. Can someone please shed some light on this for me with your experience, and the elements of sex addiction intertwined within this?
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Old 09-08-2014, 08:42 AM
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crack can really supercharge one's sex drive....in really twisted, stuff that would make a porn star blush kind of ways. crack blows up the pleasure centers in the brain and overrides EVERYTHING else. it's not necessarily a sexual addiction....hookers/escorts are willing participants for the right price and of course many have good connections to dealers and thus they are the total package deal, with no strings attached. just go get your freak on and then "return" to the real world.

i'm so relieved to hear that your tests are clean and he reports that his are as well. probably best to leave this one behind....even if he is now trying to extricate himself from the tangled wreckage, you were an unwilling participant in the insanity.
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Old 09-08-2014, 09:13 AM
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Please stay away from this man. Drug use is not an excuse. Take a look at what you are talking about here. Crack and hookers. I am not trying to be harsh, but sometimes we tend to let our own boundary of what is acceptable slide in the sand because it's the drug use. No, it's actually one in the same. Don't compartmentalize this, it is HIS behavior.

You cannot ever fix another person. That is not possible. Find a person who does not need to be fixed before you commit to them!

Hugs.
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:50 AM
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Two great answers to your post. I agree with both. Sex is a drug when fortified with crack induced sick behavior. Unless you want a lot of pain, shut the door on this relationship.
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Old 09-15-2014, 10:31 AM
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I have to say that one of the things I'm dealing with is feeling shame that I allowed behavior and forgave things that were shocking to me. I can't wrap my head around it. My guy has used everything but the last two years on synthetic weed which has been a nightmare, and now pain pills and alcohol. I'm not sure which one is worse. I've been thru things, witnessed things and allowed things that just gall me.
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Old 09-16-2014, 12:56 AM
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Honesty is NOT a characteristic of crack use. It is a drug that quickly demands more and more. QUCIKLY. People stay up for as long as they can use it, which means cost can go up into the thousands of $$ per day. Writing bad checks is almost automatic and sales and prostitution are commonplace. The filler used in this stuff can also be anything you can get your hands on. Various types of acid to Mannitol to baking soda are common and any substance is possible. Even the pro's have problems treating crack, spice, ice and the like-Run don't walk away from ANYONE who is hooked to this stuff for your own good. YOU CAN NOT HELP. CAN NOT. The end.
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