cocaine induced delusions... are breaking my heart

Old 09-12-2014, 07:58 PM
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Well, on the bright side, at least you had the good sense not to marry him. If you dump him and go after child support he could be court ordered to get a job... Just saying.
Hugs to you and your houseful of love. Enjoy your kids and take care of you. You are a great, hard working mom. You deserve it.
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Old 09-13-2014, 01:03 PM
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Ok sweetie. Take a deep breath. You are not stupid. Again, YOU ARE NOT STUPID. There will be a man out there that is not an addict or an abuser and he will love you and your six kids. But, you need to work on you first. Figure out why you are picking men like this. Does your ex H pay child support? No contact for a little while, at least until the baby is born may be ideal. Then you may want to let your hormones get back in sync. I would try to find time for therapy if you have any to spare. But I would suggest you maybe can use the time you spend taking care of him and put that time in therapy?

You can do this. I can feel it in your writing. You are stronger than I am, because I don't have it in me to hardly do one job, let alone 3 while pregnant. You are a strong person. Please believe that!!
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:17 PM
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Wildrose, I'm sure you want to do what's best for you and your children. I wonder, is this relationship serving you in any way or is it draining you? Does this man contribute to your life or take from it? What do you get out of this relationship?
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Old 09-13-2014, 06:14 PM
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Ugh, its the good days... which now are few. I think it's more of holding onto a memory or the past. He was not always like this. He babied me.. he rubbed my feet, he cuddled every night (and still did even on bad days) he brought me tea in bed, he cooked like a darn chef every night. He helped me through debilitating GAD which I was able to get off meds when we first got together. I would have severe panic attacks and he was the only person in the world that could literally hold me and talk me out of it. No more meds now for two years- actually even through this ordeal it hasn't come back. He was very supportive and was my absolute best friend. Maybe I was harsh in my last post to say that he used me from the beginning. He was always a slacker- yes. Always procrastinator-yes. Immature-yes. He was never perfect, but I felt very loved for a long while...
So yes, very very hard to let go. Especially when he knows how to win me over and make me smile through anything. He can change my tears to smiles in 5 minutes if he feels like it... problem is most of the time he feels like crushing me these days...
But I don't believe I will contact him until I at least have the baby and see how I feel then...and unless he is financially stable there is NOWAY he is coming back here. I cannot support him. Feeling better today... I feel much calmer and am not really crying much. I went to a work outing at the park with the kids, ran some errands and just tried to be normal.
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Old 09-13-2014, 07:49 PM
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That sounds just like my AH. He can be the sweetest man I have ever met. He babied me as well. Ran be baths, back rubs, tickles, did everything I asked. But.....behind my back is very much a snake. Txt women, porn, drugs, more women. I felt like every time I turned around there was something new. It is killing me to live with someone who lives two lives. Which one is real?? The drugs have made him a complete a hole. I don't trust him at all. All I want is my husband back, but again, was it real ever?

Be kind to yourself.
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Old 09-13-2014, 09:05 PM
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Thanks Mejo
oh, lots and lots of porn... not sure it really bothered me. But facebook bothers me... its like 175 gorgeous women on his page...(that he doesn't know) and some from "fling.com" that live in my area... ya I snooped and investigated... wish I had that password because if he is/was chatting with them/ messaging I really would walk and never look back.
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Old 09-13-2014, 09:16 PM
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I have been listening to a song by Seether. Words as Weapons. It is my H right now and my new "Jam". Lol

P.S. the porn did not bother me either, but I feel like it should.
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Old 09-13-2014, 09:19 PM
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I guess I should say that song is exactly my life right now. And I hate FB. Huge trigger for me. I would recommend not looking at his page for a while.
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Old 09-13-2014, 09:24 PM
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Just take it a day at a time, Wildrose. you have a beautiful bunch of children, and they deserve a happy mom. their childhood will fly by and you will always be happy that you put them first.

take care!
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