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Caron Renaissance

Old 09-03-2014, 09:47 AM
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Caron Renaissance

My daughter has been at Caron Renaissance since April 17th (Boca Raton, FL). As a parent, I am experiencing rehab fatigue. She is super smart but stubborn and slow to accept treatment. She has finally obtained a part time job. She continues in full day treatment. She is 19 years old. OMG!!! When will this end? (rhetorical question as I know its all up to her). These monthly big checks are getting ridiculous. I'm venting here my friends because I'm just frustrated and tired. This is her third rehab since Dec 26th 2013. Anyone have any similar experiences at CARON? She is not using drugs just slow to embrace recovery. She's wearing me down.
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:32 PM
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Being super smart might equal out smarting herself. At least my daughter had that problem.

I remember being frustrated by all the money going out the door, even though we could afford it. It was almost like adding insult to injury, after all we had been through, including all the stolen money. But now, seven years after the discovery of her addiction and four years after her recovery - one day at a time - I'm glad we invested all that we did. I'm especially glad and grateful that, after numerous internal battles, she accepted and owns her addiction.
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:38 PM
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No experience with a child in rehab, but I can imagine the pain and suffering not even including the financial factor.

Just letting you know I am here, reading this, I support you!!

XXX
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:42 PM
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You do not need to keep her in rehab. Sober living might be an option. It will definitely be cheaper than rehab. Or, you know, she could pay her own way.
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Old 09-03-2014, 01:05 PM
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since this is her THIRD rehab, she has by now been told/instructed about the tools to use for a successful recovery. continually sticking her back in rehab is not going to CURE her or as you say have this END. right now you are still paying her way while she gets to be "stubborn" and "slow to get with the program" - sounds like she's just riding the gravy train.....

i'm sorry, my snarky side is in rare form today.
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Old 09-03-2014, 02:08 PM
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She is super smart? At what? How has this gift been beneficial to her?

The real question is, is she as emotionally intelligent at age 19 as she could be. The answer to that is an unequivocal no.

Since this is her third attempt in less than a year, if she's not willing to get with the program, then why are you wasting your money?

I say this as respectfully as I can. If she wants to f**k off, tell her she can do it on her dime, not yours.
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:34 PM
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Hi! My son has been in three rehabs (he is now 24) since he was 22. I have never paid for ANY of them. He of course was court ordered for the first two. This last time he actually chose Rehab over living on his own (knowing he would keep using). This time he is paying a reduced fee of $700.00 per month, he has a job and he also is planning on moving out with a room mate after his 4 months are up. I think it takes some kind of ownership from the addict to embrace it all. By the way, I think 19 is very young. There is still a good chance that she will learn what she needs to learn. I also agree with the others who indicate maybe she needs to own some of this burden??
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:41 PM
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Audreyrose - I have experience - my daughter has been to rehab 6 times. Done vivatrol suboxone and an expensive rapid detox procedure - none of it worked - you know why?? Cause SHE wasn't working it. Your daughter sounds like mine - on a path to addicted to rehab - it wasn't till SR that I finally got it after 10 long painful hateful theft-filled years - the whole rehab thing for her was part of her continued manipulation to keep me hooked to her addiction! Well no more - she isn't welcome in our lives until she embraces sobriety which she CAN do without me. As I learned here at SR if they want to get clean they WILL get clean. Has nothing to do with us or our money - stop loving them to death ( best line and it says it all). Enabling and paying for them will surely keep the party going on with no end in site. Sorry to sound so brash - pls take a page out of my mistake book - it's been 10 years for us and I'm just learning. Prayers to you and your family.
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Old 09-03-2014, 11:31 PM
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Originally Posted by audreyrose View Post
My daughter has been at Caron Renaissance since April 17th (Boca Raton, FL). As a parent, I am experiencing rehab fatigue. She is super smart but stubborn and slow to accept treatment. She has finally obtained a part time job. She continues in full day treatment. She is 19 years old. OMG!!! When will this end? (rhetorical question as I know its all up to her). These monthly big checks are getting ridiculous. I'm venting here my friends because I'm just frustrated and tired. This is her third rehab since Dec 26th 2013. Anyone have any similar experiences at CARON? She is not using drugs just slow to embrace recovery. She's wearing me down.
My qualifier here is my husband, but I will share our rehab experience with you in case it might help in some way. The research I did on rehabs showed that the longer the treatment the better the outcomes, as long as the treatment was specific to the individual’s needs.

My husband was inpatient for 90 days and along with the educational portion learning about addiction, group therapy with other patients, the rest was devoted to individualized therapy for him; looking at root causes for his addiction, his coping skills, teaching him cognitive behavioral techniques he would use when he came home to prevent relapse, lots of planning and confidence building, etc. So rehab was not just like taking a class and all is fixed and you have all the skills you will ever need. You learn the basics, if people are lucky to stay long enough they start putting the skills into practice, continue therapy and work on personal issues.

So when I read your daughter is going to classes full time, and will be starting a part time job; to me it sounds like she is engaging in treatment and making a valid effort, but at her age of 19 I also think about how drugs stifle growth and maturity… so she may not even be at an emotional age of 19 & that is still pretty young and a time of development. My husband was lucky because he was older, finished college, had a good job, a wife, a baby at home. His life was actually fairly well in place with only minor changes necessary to eliminate links to drug use. He now has almost 2 ½ years…. Your daughter is at an age where normally she would be learning to define who she is, and now she is also dealing with an addiction and the emotions this bring. I can see this causing a slower progression, some fear or reluctance on her part.

Im so sorry your going through this, and I understand your frustration, but I would have to say if she is getting quality care then the cost and time is most likely worth it. If you have concerns, I would ask for a meeting with one of her doctors (with her permission) to discuss the future plans, etc. My husbands rehab was very good about informing me, keeping me in the loop on progression – hopefully your daughter has approved for them to talk to you. As a parent and financial supporter I think you have the right to ask her for this access. Just my experience and opinion. Good Luck to both of you.
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