LR478

Hello! I think I've read every post on this board in the past few days. My husband is addicted to oxycodone. We have been married for 16 years. The first time we had an issue was 12 years ago and then on and off from there. Last year I had enough and he said he would never do it again. Things were good for a while but I kept wondering when would I trust him again. This past weekend we were out to dinner in a dark restaurant and when I stared into those teeny tiny pupils I knew. I wrote a list of every behavior I noticed from him to triple check myself that I was right. I decided to call his parents and let them know and the 3 of us confronted him. He tried to say it was recreational and could quit on his own, had done it before yadda yadda yadda... I said you either get professional help or you can not stay here, we have 3 children and I can't have them growing up with you like this. He finally agreed, we called a place that a family member went to for alcohol treatment, he is going on Friday for an intake appointment and I guess we will go from there. Reading some of these posts help me so much, I am grateful for that but mostly right now I am terrified. Trying to live in the now but my thoughts keep drifting to what if this doesn't work, I don't want to go through this anymore, I love him, I hate him and everything in between. So if anyone has a nugget of wisdom for me I sure would appreciate it. Thank you.

URMYEVERYTHING

It sounds like you have been down this road before with him.

What is making this relapse more significant or stand out from the others? What advice are you hoping to seek/find?

Does it get any better? Some days, years maybe but never to the point we all want it to be. There are those pesky relapses that are inevitable. We just don't when and how long in between and then there is a chance he will remain sober for years to come. That's the gamble we take when we decide to stay with an addict.

Can you trust him again? Sure but that takes tons and tons of work from both sides.

The question is do you love him enough to tolerate him any longer? To tolerate his addiction and all the BS that comes with it? To stand by him through another recovery attempt? Only you can decide what your tolerance level is.

I have learned after my experience to run for the hills but I was in a totally different situation than you.

chicory

Welcome! glad you found us, and good that you are reading here, lots of good stuff, lots of experience shared.

Its great that you went full steam ahead and confronted your husband. I hope the rehab helps him to get his life back together. You sound like a strong and wise woman. Not someone who can be fooled, nor someone who will tolerate this around herself or her children. good for you. its hard though.

Have you ever been to nar-anon meetings? they are like al-anon, but for loved ones of substance abusers. I hear they are wonderful!

take good care. wishing you the very best!