been feeling anxious but I know I just need to let it go...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
been feeling anxious but I know I just need to let it go...
Hi everyone,
Its been a while since I've posted on here. As always, I appreciate all the stories and medicine here.
Just wanted to pop in here and post about some things that have been happening. I've been doing a lot of traveling this summer, but for various reasons, I felt a lot of anger and pain during each trip. After the last trip, I felt like I was on my way to my healing/recovery again, but my self-care techniques fell through the wayside (I stopped oil pulling, stopped meditation, I started eating a lot of junk food and sugary stuff again, started staying up late, feeling anxious and paralyzed).
After a series of stressful events, I went on about three dates with a fellow student in my graduate program---which is a big deal for me, since the last date I went on was about one year ago. We got along instantly, we never ran out of things to talk about, we have so much in common, etc, etc. He texted me every day, he tells me I'm so brilliant, intelligent, sexy, beautiful, he can't wait to have me, etc, etc.
Turns out, he smokes weed every day---he does have a prescription but I think it is more than a casual habit for him. On top of that, when we tried to have sex for the first time, he couldn't get it up. Mind you, we're both in our late twenties. We actually tried several times, but it wasn't happening for him. (I'm thinking it's related to his weed usage or perhaps anxiety, but who really knows...)
After that, he completely stopped communicating with me. No more texts, no more calls, NOTHING. I've been feeling down about this, especially after these other stressful events this summer. I'm trying not to take it personal and I'm feeling my feelings and I understand, logically, that it's better that things ended.
School starts tomorrow, and since our department is so small, it is only a matter of time before we run into each other. I just wish things didn't end so awkwardly! I know I should just be civil and keep it professional but it still sucks. Besides the weed and his performance problems (from too much weed?), I really did like this guy a LOT. And the experience is a little unsettling for me, too, because an addict is an addict is an addict...and I still picked one (I think he is, not 100% sure)---even after all I've been through with my XABF and SR and counseling and everything? Why is my "picker" still "off"? As if I haven't made any progress at all?
Just wanted to put it out there in the universe. I know I should just stay in the present but I'd love any words of support and hugs. Thanks SR!
Its been a while since I've posted on here. As always, I appreciate all the stories and medicine here.
Just wanted to pop in here and post about some things that have been happening. I've been doing a lot of traveling this summer, but for various reasons, I felt a lot of anger and pain during each trip. After the last trip, I felt like I was on my way to my healing/recovery again, but my self-care techniques fell through the wayside (I stopped oil pulling, stopped meditation, I started eating a lot of junk food and sugary stuff again, started staying up late, feeling anxious and paralyzed).
After a series of stressful events, I went on about three dates with a fellow student in my graduate program---which is a big deal for me, since the last date I went on was about one year ago. We got along instantly, we never ran out of things to talk about, we have so much in common, etc, etc. He texted me every day, he tells me I'm so brilliant, intelligent, sexy, beautiful, he can't wait to have me, etc, etc.
Turns out, he smokes weed every day---he does have a prescription but I think it is more than a casual habit for him. On top of that, when we tried to have sex for the first time, he couldn't get it up. Mind you, we're both in our late twenties. We actually tried several times, but it wasn't happening for him. (I'm thinking it's related to his weed usage or perhaps anxiety, but who really knows...)
After that, he completely stopped communicating with me. No more texts, no more calls, NOTHING. I've been feeling down about this, especially after these other stressful events this summer. I'm trying not to take it personal and I'm feeling my feelings and I understand, logically, that it's better that things ended.
School starts tomorrow, and since our department is so small, it is only a matter of time before we run into each other. I just wish things didn't end so awkwardly! I know I should just be civil and keep it professional but it still sucks. Besides the weed and his performance problems (from too much weed?), I really did like this guy a LOT. And the experience is a little unsettling for me, too, because an addict is an addict is an addict...and I still picked one (I think he is, not 100% sure)---even after all I've been through with my XABF and SR and counseling and everything? Why is my "picker" still "off"? As if I haven't made any progress at all?
Just wanted to put it out there in the universe. I know I should just stay in the present but I'd love any words of support and hugs. Thanks SR!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Marijuana might be something you want to stay clear of..or risk another round of chaos. Personally I choose to have nothing to do with anyone who uses drugs of any kind...and sorry but medical use of Marijuana is included on the list.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Hugs
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I have to agree with Ann... since legalizing it, many might think it's ok, but not in my book either.
You are understandably upset, and it would be awkward, but things will smooth out. Just smile and act as if nothing happened..(that works for me in many situations in this world), and go on with your future.
Just remember that sometimes we are more comfortable around addicts/alcoholics, if that is what we grew up familiar with. They might have characteristics that draw us. Maybe take a bit of time to read a few good books on codependency-Melody Beatty is my favorite author on that subject.
Some things we just have to let go of, for our sake. He has to live his life, and if he has problems due to drug use( it sure as heck happens) that is his to accept or fix.
Find someone who wants what you want. don't ever settle.
big hug, and come back and post anytime. we are here
You are understandably upset, and it would be awkward, but things will smooth out. Just smile and act as if nothing happened..(that works for me in many situations in this world), and go on with your future.
Just remember that sometimes we are more comfortable around addicts/alcoholics, if that is what we grew up familiar with. They might have characteristics that draw us. Maybe take a bit of time to read a few good books on codependency-Melody Beatty is my favorite author on that subject.
Some things we just have to let go of, for our sake. He has to live his life, and if he has problems due to drug use( it sure as heck happens) that is his to accept or fix.
Find someone who wants what you want. don't ever settle.
big hug, and come back and post anytime. we are here
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