Husband relapse today
 

My husband battled Vicodin addiction for several years. I found out noy a year ago how serious it was and it was a situation of quit or I'm gone. He blames me for being unsupportive but as the daughter of an alcoholic, I was not willing to take thAt journey with him. He got suboxin after several failed attempts at quitting. Now, he had been clean for several months. Before, he had also occasionally injected demerol which he gets from his "buddy" a best friend who I barely know
Who has migraines. Last night he injected demerol after several months clean and now we are back to the beginning. I've decided to leave him. He's otherwise a good person and dad but with two small kids I simply can't risk them being in thc at environment. He says it was a stumble not a relapse but what's the difference? I told him if he did it again I was gone and he knew that. So does anyone have advice on how to proceed? Do I have to document his addiction to get custody? How will I know if it's safe to let my kids see him unsupervised. Once is enough of a relapse for me.... I'm really just looking for support.

Rudy, welcome to our family.

You gave him a deal breaker and he broke it, if you let him off this time it will be one of many again. Stick to your guns. You and your children deserve a better environment to live in without needles.

Yeah he did and said he honestly didn't think about me when he was doing it other than to say he just hoped I wouldn't catch him. Thanks for your advice. This sucks

I am sorry you are going through this and yet glad you have the courage to remove yourself and your children from this chaotic and dangerous environment of active addiction.

The fact that he blames you for not being "supportive" speaks volumes. He is not yet ready to own his bad choices and addiction.

If I can suggest one thing it would be to surround yourself with support, here and at live meetings if possible. You have some rough roads ahead and may need people who understand.

Now would be a good time to see a lawyer and know what your rights are. And yes, documenting dates and actions may help you in the process of taking good care of your children.

Hugs

Welcome to the Board, Rudy. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but happy that you've found us and reached out for support.

I've highlighted this because if your situation weren't so dire, this would be pretty funny. Who's he trying to fool? The answer to that is himself. What he's trying to do is avoid accountability for his choices. Hence, he "stumbled", which sounds a lot more harmless except he's completely full of sh*t. Remember that the mortal enemy of an addict is accountability.

It took a lot of courage to hold firm on your boundaries and leave him. That wasn't an easy call, but you made it. A lot of us who have found this place stayed with our addicts time and time again with disasterous results. But you did what is for you and your kids the right thing.

My hope is that you stay with us for as long as you have need. There are other women on the board who have been in your shoes, or worse, and their wisdom is something you should absorb.

Again, Welcome to the Board.

seek legal counsel for the custody concerns. be proactive.

i'm sorry for what you are going thru, but you sound like you have a very firm resolve.

IMO, a "stumble" might be coming across that one random leftover pill in the sock drawer and saying what the heck. but going to the extreme of shooting up can only be considered a relapse - as that took thought and planning and is that extreme end of drug use.

bless you for putting the children's best interests at the forefront. and for holding firm to your boundaries.

I think you should assume that it is unsafe to leave your children with him. If you have friends or family who does or could understand, I suggest opening up to the. And asking for help.

I hit send by mistake - sorry. What I mean is that if you have not left, I would think you need to act on your resolve NOW so that he cannot try to manipulate you into staying. Discussions could drag you down at this point.
I feel for you. Good for you for staying firm on your promise to him about leaving if he used again. Sending you and your children blessings.....

Take photos and document all you can

So sorry that this has happened again. I know how you might allow yourself to hope and that goes down-the-drain quickly.

According to your post, it appears that he may not have been working a program or had a sober support system (AA/NA/sponsor/etc).

Do what is best for you and your kiddos. You sound very strong.

Rudy2006, as a sufferer of migraines for many years AND a registered nurse, I can tell you I have never heard of Demerol for migraine headaches. In fact, they have pretty much done away with using narcotics all together for migraines because of the risk of rebound headaches brought on directly from the narcotics. As a cancer nurse, I can also tell you that I cannot even remember the last time I even saw Demerol much less administered it to a patient? They just don't use Demerol hardly at all anymore, not here in Pittsburgh anyway. I am not sure where you are, maybe in your parts? I would be really suspicious of someone who says they have Demerol for migraines. I admire your strength and healthy boundaries. You must follow through or it will be like other posters have stated, this scenario will repeat itself many times over at the expense of your health and sanity.

Anytime a recovering addict is injecting anything into their body and saying it's just a stumble is in serious denial. People without the need to do so do not inject drugs, that is addict behavior big time.

If it was just a stumble, you would be seeing, not just hearing different actions. He would be scared and he would be hitting major meetings and getting help to find the trigger to prevent it from being a full blown relapse. Good job on sticking to your word.

Stumble/slip/relapse/etc., it's all pretty much the same thing. Abusers in active addiction typically like to find the least pejorative explanation available to describe their actions.
Don't fall for the semantics.