How Can You Tell?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 55
How Can You Tell?
So my BF was on suboxone for nearly a year, then went to a lower dose patch, but weaned off that as well several months ago after which he moved in with me. During this year he also quit smoking, and made of lot of other really positive life changes. He seems to be doing really well. He always gets home from work before me (but I usually am at work till 7 or 8 and he gets off at 4 or 5 pm). So everything seems pretty wonderful. Still sometimes he just looks "off" or has that "old haggard" look. Maybe he just had a really hard day at work. Maybe he was in the sun a little too long. Or maybe something else? I know enough now from watching Nurse Jackie, that they can so easily do it without you EVER knowing. I used to give him a urine test every now and then, but at this point, I think it would be hurtful to do so, especially if he is NOT doing anything. So how do I know? How can you tell?
Do I just keep on trusting? I am not really a trusting person by nature.
Thoughts?
Do I just keep on trusting? I am not really a trusting person by nature.
Thoughts?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It is hard to regain trust, it took a long time to lose it and takes even longer to get it back. I have always trusted my instincts but instincts can get confused too.
If all is well for now, maybe just let time tell you what is happening. Sometimes looking weary after a bad day is just that...sometimes not.
The important think is to take care of how YOU are feeling. Take good care of yourself and the rest will unfold as it may.
Hugs
If all is well for now, maybe just let time tell you what is happening. Sometimes looking weary after a bad day is just that...sometimes not.
The important think is to take care of how YOU are feeling. Take good care of yourself and the rest will unfold as it may.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Not sure there is ever a way to tell.
And wouldn’t you know? Surely he has shown you what addictive addiction looks like.
Do you trust yourself to know? Or do you need him to be this one modeled way in order to always be proving he is ok?
Using does become obvious in time, all those same behaviors will be bright and shining.
Maybe it is the void, you are seeing … the hole, the darkness. I see it from time to time. It isn’t using. Because using it just so obvious to me and has all those little nuances shining … It is just this empty, confused state I notice from time to time.
What I do know is for many coming off sub, since I watched that route, here and with friends, any physical was handled ok, but all the mental wasn’t always cleared up at the jump. My husband dealt with that, and while he had no physical symptoms he was taken back by the mental that he thought should have been gone with him years removed from heroin. But heroin doesn’t work like that and the brain doesn’t forget. It is just the sad reality of things.
Coming off of sub, if like coming off of any other opiate. The brain knows it is gone and time will be the only thing that gives him the best chance. Time without any drugs to heal, more that just mentally, physically and spiritually, but chemically as well.
What you can do for you is to take care of and work on you. The more you do that the better you will be at not only seeing the truth, but knowing what you can and can’t have in your life. You will be better equipped to stay out of what really isn’t yours and not miss time worrying about things you don’t have control over, and don’t even know are happening in the moment. Future tripping and that what iffing every tiny mood shift are one way tickets to madness for you … and maybe even giving you a hint of where you might need to be taking care of yourself???
Good luck to you both…
And take good care!
And wouldn’t you know? Surely he has shown you what addictive addiction looks like.
Do you trust yourself to know? Or do you need him to be this one modeled way in order to always be proving he is ok?
Using does become obvious in time, all those same behaviors will be bright and shining.
Maybe it is the void, you are seeing … the hole, the darkness. I see it from time to time. It isn’t using. Because using it just so obvious to me and has all those little nuances shining … It is just this empty, confused state I notice from time to time.
What I do know is for many coming off sub, since I watched that route, here and with friends, any physical was handled ok, but all the mental wasn’t always cleared up at the jump. My husband dealt with that, and while he had no physical symptoms he was taken back by the mental that he thought should have been gone with him years removed from heroin. But heroin doesn’t work like that and the brain doesn’t forget. It is just the sad reality of things.
Coming off of sub, if like coming off of any other opiate. The brain knows it is gone and time will be the only thing that gives him the best chance. Time without any drugs to heal, more that just mentally, physically and spiritually, but chemically as well.
What you can do for you is to take care of and work on you. The more you do that the better you will be at not only seeing the truth, but knowing what you can and can’t have in your life. You will be better equipped to stay out of what really isn’t yours and not miss time worrying about things you don’t have control over, and don’t even know are happening in the moment. Future tripping and that what iffing every tiny mood shift are one way tickets to madness for you … and maybe even giving you a hint of where you might need to be taking care of yourself???
Good luck to you both…
And take good care!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Inciting, I think you said it very well, and I love that saying "stop what iffing". It takes a lot of self control to stop doing that to yourself every time something seems suspicious or off and it will drive your mind mad and crazy.
The best advise we all can give you is to take care of yourself Divine all the thoughts that are racing through your already exhausted mind...wondering, wonder, wondering...is not healthy and can turn you into that "what if monster".
My AD is tapering down, way down from the subs. She acts paranoid and sometimes without any emotions at all. Like she is sad or empty. She's coming off the opiate, and her mind doesn't know what's happening. Recovering addicts want to regain your trust, let it be.
Take care of YOU and time will give you the answer.
TF
The best advise we all can give you is to take care of yourself Divine all the thoughts that are racing through your already exhausted mind...wondering, wonder, wondering...is not healthy and can turn you into that "what if monster".
My AD is tapering down, way down from the subs. She acts paranoid and sometimes without any emotions at all. Like she is sad or empty. She's coming off the opiate, and her mind doesn't know what's happening. Recovering addicts want to regain your trust, let it be.
Take care of YOU and time will give you the answer.
TF
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Fl
Posts: 118
For me I always have the gut feeling of knowing but try to convince myself maybe I'm wrong :/ I've recently began to ask myself- is there anything I could do if my AH is using? No, me wishing/ hoping he will stay sober doesn't make it so. When I get those anxious/gut feelings it is a way of me knowing I'm slipping in my codependancy and need to put the focus back on me. It's so hard living with my AH and trying to detach but I'm trying.
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