Daughter 21 and using Heroin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 9
Daughter 21 and using Heroin
Hello,
This is my first post and I'm hoping to get some advice. Last week I found a bag of heroin wrappers. I confronted my daughter about it and she told me that she is not using but has used recently. I'm not that surprised. Looking back now, I see all the clues that I ignored. She is in school and working full time so I just associated her falling asleep and weight loss to how busy she has been. I have been putting off all week having a good talk with her but I finally did today.
I asked her if she was using right now. She said no. I asked her if she was afraid that she would use again. She said Yes. So I asked her what we, as a family, can do to help her. She told me that she wanted to get a shot called Vivitrol. I've never heard of this before.
So here is where I'm at right now. I look at my daughter and do not see and addict. I can honestly say that the clues that I missed are not there anymore. I believe that she did stop but know that she is at a point that could go either way. I know that the way I help her can have a huge effect either negative or positive so I'm scared to do anything. I already told her that I will have to randomly drug test her and if she isn't clean then she will have to leave. I have another daughter who is 8 years old. I don't need her to see her older sister going through this.
Can someone tell me if I'm on the right track. Am I doing enough for where she is at? Should I be making her go to NA meetings or even a rehab?
Any advice is appreciated.
This is my first post and I'm hoping to get some advice. Last week I found a bag of heroin wrappers. I confronted my daughter about it and she told me that she is not using but has used recently. I'm not that surprised. Looking back now, I see all the clues that I ignored. She is in school and working full time so I just associated her falling asleep and weight loss to how busy she has been. I have been putting off all week having a good talk with her but I finally did today.
I asked her if she was using right now. She said no. I asked her if she was afraid that she would use again. She said Yes. So I asked her what we, as a family, can do to help her. She told me that she wanted to get a shot called Vivitrol. I've never heard of this before.
So here is where I'm at right now. I look at my daughter and do not see and addict. I can honestly say that the clues that I missed are not there anymore. I believe that she did stop but know that she is at a point that could go either way. I know that the way I help her can have a huge effect either negative or positive so I'm scared to do anything. I already told her that I will have to randomly drug test her and if she isn't clean then she will have to leave. I have another daughter who is 8 years old. I don't need her to see her older sister going through this.
Can someone tell me if I'm on the right track. Am I doing enough for where she is at? Should I be making her go to NA meetings or even a rehab?
Any advice is appreciated.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Welcome to the Board, AmberLily. I'm glad you found us, and rest assured, you're not alone. Other members will be by to greet you, some of whom have been in similar situations.
As I do not have children myself, I will defer to those who do when it comes to specific feedback regarding the situation with your daughter, and my hope is you'll pay close attention to what they share with you. There is a lot of hard earned wisdom here.
That said...I encourage you to have a healthy dose of skeptism regarding what your daughter tells you. What she tells you is going on and what's really going on are often orthogonal to each other. When you ask --
-- what you will come to understand in time is you can't make her do anything. Someone in active addiction will lie without conscience, but the biggest lies they tell are to themselves. That often makes going to meetings or going to rehab extremely difficult for them because, when faced with their addiction, they have nowhere to hide. So they bail.
In any case, I encourage you to read as many of the posts as you can, especially our sticky notes that are located on our homepage. And again, Welcome to the Board.
As I do not have children myself, I will defer to those who do when it comes to specific feedback regarding the situation with your daughter, and my hope is you'll pay close attention to what they share with you. There is a lot of hard earned wisdom here.
That said...I encourage you to have a healthy dose of skeptism regarding what your daughter tells you. What she tells you is going on and what's really going on are often orthogonal to each other. When you ask --
Should I be making her go to NA meetings or even a rehab?
In any case, I encourage you to read as many of the posts as you can, especially our sticky notes that are located on our homepage. And again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Hi Amberlily, I have a RAS who was addicted to opiates (pills and liquid methadone).
What I have found is pretty much what Zoso has told you. They will lie to not hurt our feelings or to keep from getting into trouble. They down play their addiction and how bad it is. We cannot make them do anything they do not want to.
The hardest thing for me was learning not to enable. Because they are our child, it is so difficult to follow through and throw them out in the street. I found we had to stand by what we said. I also found once we put our foot down he came to us for help because there was nothing left. Also, I am still finding (even though he is clean right now) if I allow him to figure it out for himself he will. Pulling back and allowing him to fall and get back up was the best thing we ever could have done.
Testing and trying to keep them from using is so much work. She is either going to use or she wont.
Knowing the signs and making sure you do what you say for boundaries is a definite.
If for one minute she thinks she can fool you, she will try.
I never wanted to believe these things either but was forced to.
I know the signs the minute he has used. It is so easy for me now to spot.
Reading Melanie Beattie's "Codepedent No More" was a great first read.
I also strongly urge you to read the stickies at the top of this forum and many of the threads posted. The longer you are here, the more you will learn.
Some go to NA meetings for help. If you can find one close by it may be very beneficial. I think what is most important is telling your daughter you love her but will not allow her to use drugs while living there. PERIOD. It is good you realize this cannot in any way be around your younger daughter. It will affect her. Drug addiction saps all the life out of the person using and every family member. It is awful.
I pray your daughter will stop and get help. MY son went to rehab. He lapsed a couple times but has been doing well for about 6 months now. Rehab gave him the tools to learn how to deal with the feelings and cravings.
There will be more people here, possibly in the am if not tonight to give you more advice. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
What I have found is pretty much what Zoso has told you. They will lie to not hurt our feelings or to keep from getting into trouble. They down play their addiction and how bad it is. We cannot make them do anything they do not want to.
The hardest thing for me was learning not to enable. Because they are our child, it is so difficult to follow through and throw them out in the street. I found we had to stand by what we said. I also found once we put our foot down he came to us for help because there was nothing left. Also, I am still finding (even though he is clean right now) if I allow him to figure it out for himself he will. Pulling back and allowing him to fall and get back up was the best thing we ever could have done.
Testing and trying to keep them from using is so much work. She is either going to use or she wont.
Knowing the signs and making sure you do what you say for boundaries is a definite.
If for one minute she thinks she can fool you, she will try.
I never wanted to believe these things either but was forced to.
I know the signs the minute he has used. It is so easy for me now to spot.
Reading Melanie Beattie's "Codepedent No More" was a great first read.
I also strongly urge you to read the stickies at the top of this forum and many of the threads posted. The longer you are here, the more you will learn.
Some go to NA meetings for help. If you can find one close by it may be very beneficial. I think what is most important is telling your daughter you love her but will not allow her to use drugs while living there. PERIOD. It is good you realize this cannot in any way be around your younger daughter. It will affect her. Drug addiction saps all the life out of the person using and every family member. It is awful.
I pray your daughter will stop and get help. MY son went to rehab. He lapsed a couple times but has been doing well for about 6 months now. Rehab gave him the tools to learn how to deal with the feelings and cravings.
There will be more people here, possibly in the am if not tonight to give you more advice. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Welcome to SR and sorry for what brings you here. I am a mother of a nearly 21 year old heroin addict who is currently in rehab for her second time, as of a few days ago. Heroin is a progressively intense addiction, no matter what the addict might say. Read everything you can about it!
The threads I started about our story begin two years ago, please read them if you like, but my first reaction to your post is a loud and forceful: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT HER HEROIN USE! And please do not subject your younger daughter to living with or being alone with a sister who is most likely using.
Vivitrol costs a fortune, and she won't just be able to get it by asking a doctor, at least in the US. She will likely have to detox, go to rehab, and then they will assess whether she is a good candidate for it. Suboxone is used sometimes, as is methadone, but both are being more regulated because of abuse. And if she knows about Vivitrol, she is quite knowledgeable about heroin.
Please keep reading here, and for the moment, don't trust anything she says unless it is: please drive me to rehab, Mom!
Sorry to be short, Amberlily, but I am tired--just wanted to send you a short note for the meantime. Take care.
The threads I started about our story begin two years ago, please read them if you like, but my first reaction to your post is a loud and forceful: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT HER HEROIN USE! And please do not subject your younger daughter to living with or being alone with a sister who is most likely using.
Vivitrol costs a fortune, and she won't just be able to get it by asking a doctor, at least in the US. She will likely have to detox, go to rehab, and then they will assess whether she is a good candidate for it. Suboxone is used sometimes, as is methadone, but both are being more regulated because of abuse. And if she knows about Vivitrol, she is quite knowledgeable about heroin.
Please keep reading here, and for the moment, don't trust anything she says unless it is: please drive me to rehab, Mom!
Sorry to be short, Amberlily, but I am tired--just wanted to send you a short note for the meantime. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
for what it's worth... I would look into vivitrol. It's a good start and cannot be abused like methadone and suboxone can. It's a very nice crutch for an addict. It is not a miracle injection. It removes cravings, it doesn't create recovery.
Garden mama is right. The only way for her to get it is to work with an addictions doctor.
I also would like to add... if she isn't shaking, vomiting, have diarrhea, chills and sweats etc. Then she is not in withdrawals and has used within the last 24-48 hours. No one on heroin can go from using to sober that easily. She would have been home in bed sicker than a dog if she hadn't used recently. That much is certain. She might not have gotten high recently, but she deffinately has been "staying well" beyond all shadow of a doubt.
I agree with the others who encourage you to read the stickies at the top of the forum.
hugs to you. This is a very difficult path, but we are here for you
Garden mama is right. The only way for her to get it is to work with an addictions doctor.
I also would like to add... if she isn't shaking, vomiting, have diarrhea, chills and sweats etc. Then she is not in withdrawals and has used within the last 24-48 hours. No one on heroin can go from using to sober that easily. She would have been home in bed sicker than a dog if she hadn't used recently. That much is certain. She might not have gotten high recently, but she deffinately has been "staying well" beyond all shadow of a doubt.
I agree with the others who encourage you to read the stickies at the top of the forum.
hugs to you. This is a very difficult path, but we are here for you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Shoreline area, CT
Posts: 68
Good morning Amber!
I would also chime in with what the other moms have said. The best thing you can do is read up and learn, as much as you possibly can, about heroin. My guess is, your daughter doesn't want to hurt your feelings or scare you, but she also wants to keep using, so she's lying. You know that old saw about their lips are moving? Okay for most of us, that's how our adult addict kids operate.
My AS was a drug and alcohol user before he had a liver transplant four years ago (unrelated to drug use) and afterward he became addicted to painkillers. He also uses other prescription drugs, whatever he can get his hands on, and drinks lots of alcohol. Needless to say, all of this is 110% contra-indicated by the status of his health, but no matter. He has learned very well how to manipulate the medical system into supplying what he wants, right down to timing his ER admissions and hospital stays to insure minimal oversight of his painkiller use, and has multiple doctors (in multiple states) "on the string" for when he needs prescriptions.
The point about this is... he will look me right in the eye, as sincere, innocent and upstanding as anyone can possibly be, and tell me the MOST outrageous lies about his using. He is shocked, shocked I tell you, that anyone could possibly think that he's abusing drugs, this is as he cannot string two coherent sentences together or retain a simple piece of information for 5 minutes. It's me with the problem - I'm crazy and suspicious and paranoid, to think that anybody crashing for 48 hours and barely even breathing - might have an issue. Oh heaven forfend!
I cannot tell you how many discussions we've had that have included some variation on, "this is the real me, telling you the real deal;" "I want to get better, why would I lie?;" "I love you so much and I cannot imagine not telling you the truth" - anything and everything to pull at my heart-strings and make me think it's different this time. Except it never is. It's ALL part of a game, short and long-term strategic thinking, to get to do what he wants to do, which is use.
I don't have experience with him, yet, around heroin, but my niece picked up the habit in prison, and I'm pretty sure it's not nearly as straight-forward as your daughter tells you. I don't know, maybe she can pick it up and put it down again, easy as that, but my guess is it isn't quite like that. And we both know, heroin is pretty far "out there" on the spectrum of drugs to use, it isn't like somebody one day just says, oh I think this might be fun, and goes for it.
One last point, I also agree that you can't really "make" your daughter do anything around her recovery. One condition of our son's living here was that he would attend daily AA or NA meetings, and since he went under duress, it made no different at all. Just gave him another group of folks to lie to, that's all.
Sorry to sound like such a bummer and I really do hope your daughter hasn't turned into the liar that most addicts do. But I wouldn't rule it out if I were you, either.
Jane
I would also chime in with what the other moms have said. The best thing you can do is read up and learn, as much as you possibly can, about heroin. My guess is, your daughter doesn't want to hurt your feelings or scare you, but she also wants to keep using, so she's lying. You know that old saw about their lips are moving? Okay for most of us, that's how our adult addict kids operate.
My AS was a drug and alcohol user before he had a liver transplant four years ago (unrelated to drug use) and afterward he became addicted to painkillers. He also uses other prescription drugs, whatever he can get his hands on, and drinks lots of alcohol. Needless to say, all of this is 110% contra-indicated by the status of his health, but no matter. He has learned very well how to manipulate the medical system into supplying what he wants, right down to timing his ER admissions and hospital stays to insure minimal oversight of his painkiller use, and has multiple doctors (in multiple states) "on the string" for when he needs prescriptions.
The point about this is... he will look me right in the eye, as sincere, innocent and upstanding as anyone can possibly be, and tell me the MOST outrageous lies about his using. He is shocked, shocked I tell you, that anyone could possibly think that he's abusing drugs, this is as he cannot string two coherent sentences together or retain a simple piece of information for 5 minutes. It's me with the problem - I'm crazy and suspicious and paranoid, to think that anybody crashing for 48 hours and barely even breathing - might have an issue. Oh heaven forfend!
I cannot tell you how many discussions we've had that have included some variation on, "this is the real me, telling you the real deal;" "I want to get better, why would I lie?;" "I love you so much and I cannot imagine not telling you the truth" - anything and everything to pull at my heart-strings and make me think it's different this time. Except it never is. It's ALL part of a game, short and long-term strategic thinking, to get to do what he wants to do, which is use.
I don't have experience with him, yet, around heroin, but my niece picked up the habit in prison, and I'm pretty sure it's not nearly as straight-forward as your daughter tells you. I don't know, maybe she can pick it up and put it down again, easy as that, but my guess is it isn't quite like that. And we both know, heroin is pretty far "out there" on the spectrum of drugs to use, it isn't like somebody one day just says, oh I think this might be fun, and goes for it.
One last point, I also agree that you can't really "make" your daughter do anything around her recovery. One condition of our son's living here was that he would attend daily AA or NA meetings, and since he went under duress, it made no different at all. Just gave him another group of folks to lie to, that's all.
Sorry to sound like such a bummer and I really do hope your daughter hasn't turned into the liar that most addicts do. But I wouldn't rule it out if I were you, either.
Jane
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 9
I appreciate all the honest advice. This just blows my mind. In all honesty I am so familiar with drug use. I had my daughter very young. Then decided I wanted to be a kid again and got caught up in the 90's club/drug scene. I never touched heroin but I could have come close. I just decided one day that I wanted to be a better mother and stopped. Just like that. Some of my friends weren't so lucky. My daughter doesn't know much of this cause she was very young. Then fast forward some years later, we were staying with family while our house was being finished. We left sooner than we were prepared to leave because my brother in laws wife was a full blown heroin addict and I wasn't going to be around that with my kids.
I just can't believe I missed/ignored all the signs. She has never gotten anything for free so she has been working since she was 14. She's always been such a hard worker. She looks great except for the weight loss. She eats dinner with us most of the time. She doesn't disappear. It's just normal around hear.
She was sick a few months ago. We thought she was coming down with the flu but then she got better. Vomiting, chills, body aches. She stayed in her room all day. Maybe she was going through withdrawl then? But she did say that the last time she used was the end of June. I don't know. I don't deny that she could be using now. I'm just trying to sort this out in my head.
I'm looking into the Vivitrol shot since she said it could help her. I'll see if my insurance will help with it. At least my eyes are open now and we are prepared to tell her to leave if the time comes.
I just can't believe I missed/ignored all the signs. She has never gotten anything for free so she has been working since she was 14. She's always been such a hard worker. She looks great except for the weight loss. She eats dinner with us most of the time. She doesn't disappear. It's just normal around hear.
She was sick a few months ago. We thought she was coming down with the flu but then she got better. Vomiting, chills, body aches. She stayed in her room all day. Maybe she was going through withdrawl then? But she did say that the last time she used was the end of June. I don't know. I don't deny that she could be using now. I'm just trying to sort this out in my head.
I'm looking into the Vivitrol shot since she said it could help her. I'll see if my insurance will help with it. At least my eyes are open now and we are prepared to tell her to leave if the time comes.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ambebrlily, I am the mother of an adult addicted son and I know the pain of fearing that our children are using drugs.
You have done the right thing by talking to her, even if her responses may or may not be truthful. Keeping an open communication may help her realize that she is not fooling anyone and may be in deeper than she, herself, thinks.
Is she willing to see an addiction counselor or to seek treatment at a rehab? Salvation Army rehabs are free and quite good programs.
If she is willing to to what she needs to do to stay off the drugs, then I would encourage her recovery efforts.
Whether you allow her to live at home or visit without solid recovery in place is up to you, but if I had other children at home then I would make sure addiction didn't live in my house.
My prayers go out for all of you, it breaks our hearts to know the sadness of addiction.
Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
You have done the right thing by talking to her, even if her responses may or may not be truthful. Keeping an open communication may help her realize that she is not fooling anyone and may be in deeper than she, herself, thinks.
Is she willing to see an addiction counselor or to seek treatment at a rehab? Salvation Army rehabs are free and quite good programs.
If she is willing to to what she needs to do to stay off the drugs, then I would encourage her recovery efforts.
Whether you allow her to live at home or visit without solid recovery in place is up to you, but if I had other children at home then I would make sure addiction didn't live in my house.
My prayers go out for all of you, it breaks our hearts to know the sadness of addiction.
Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Try to not get caught up in guilt about "missing all the signs." I was in stun-mode, too, and once I learned more about heroin, many odd things in my AD's behavior began to make sense. The important thing is that you know now, and you are going to take steps to assist her to the best of your ability and protect your other child.
Going to NarAnon meetings was the best thing I did for myself since it gave me support and a big reality check on addiction. I also learned at those meetings that there is nothing unique about anything addicts say and do--in fact, the stories we share have so much in common, and so much repetition that you'd think they all shared the same exact script. Take care!
Going to NarAnon meetings was the best thing I did for myself since it gave me support and a big reality check on addiction. I also learned at those meetings that there is nothing unique about anything addicts say and do--in fact, the stories we share have so much in common, and so much repetition that you'd think they all shared the same exact script. Take care!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: long island ny
Posts: 64
amber lilly,
i am also new to this forum and i feel your pain and confusion as well. my son now 23 is also a heroin addict. i played dectective and snooped and caught him in every lie but i was always painted the crazy one who was out of control. i found in this forum many wise words from people who lived through the chaos and found themselves in our shoes at on time. i read everything i could to learn about addiction. took him to 9 rehabs, bailed him out of jail 13 times and sat by his bed while he recovered from stab wounds. The truth hurts - but addicts will lie, steal and run over anyone in their way to get what they want even those they claim to love,they don't care. i draggged my son everywhere to get help- he used fake urine everytime. we only kept plastic spoons in the house- lied to me every minute . until the addict wants it for himself all efforts to "FIX" them are exhausting and leave us angry and resentful. as parents we try to fix their messes but it really is enabling them to continue on their path of self destruction. my son now sits in jail with felony charges amoung murderers and rapists. it breaks my heart every minute to think about it, but i will not bail him out anymore. i wish i knew much more back than what i do now.like you, i also have a younger son who was greatly affected by my sons addiction, he saw his brother as being everything that he didn't want to become. addiction affects everyone in your family differently and rips them apart differently. living with an addict can take our souls from us. i wish you the strength you need to get through it all.
i am also new to this forum and i feel your pain and confusion as well. my son now 23 is also a heroin addict. i played dectective and snooped and caught him in every lie but i was always painted the crazy one who was out of control. i found in this forum many wise words from people who lived through the chaos and found themselves in our shoes at on time. i read everything i could to learn about addiction. took him to 9 rehabs, bailed him out of jail 13 times and sat by his bed while he recovered from stab wounds. The truth hurts - but addicts will lie, steal and run over anyone in their way to get what they want even those they claim to love,they don't care. i draggged my son everywhere to get help- he used fake urine everytime. we only kept plastic spoons in the house- lied to me every minute . until the addict wants it for himself all efforts to "FIX" them are exhausting and leave us angry and resentful. as parents we try to fix their messes but it really is enabling them to continue on their path of self destruction. my son now sits in jail with felony charges amoung murderers and rapists. it breaks my heart every minute to think about it, but i will not bail him out anymore. i wish i knew much more back than what i do now.like you, i also have a younger son who was greatly affected by my sons addiction, he saw his brother as being everything that he didn't want to become. addiction affects everyone in your family differently and rips them apart differently. living with an addict can take our souls from us. i wish you the strength you need to get through it all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
A great book is Setting Boundaries with Adult Children by Allison Bottke. She writes of the family and setting boundaries with the addict. She done it all, like we have, and has set some pretty hard examples of what setting boundaries may look like.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
When I first found out my husband was using he said he would quit on his own and it would be ok for me not to worry. Didnt work unfortunately.
YOUR daughter is telling you Ive used and Im afraid I will use again, and I want help, and even telling you about a medication to help her stop. Be really grateful for this, and be proud of her for having the willingness to share with you. Maybe she is withholding some things out of fear or regret but I feel like you must have a close relationship and she knows you will be there for her. Try not to panic but face it like a medical problem. There is usually a reason young people start using drugs, sometimes its only because of their group of friends but other times its something deeper. There is help for her with an Intensive outpatient program, or independent counseling. Im attaching a link to a thread contains the 20 minute guide for parents and it has things in it to help you and her. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ide-craft.html This book is also very good: Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change.
YOUR daughter is telling you Ive used and Im afraid I will use again, and I want help, and even telling you about a medication to help her stop. Be really grateful for this, and be proud of her for having the willingness to share with you. Maybe she is withholding some things out of fear or regret but I feel like you must have a close relationship and she knows you will be there for her. Try not to panic but face it like a medical problem. There is usually a reason young people start using drugs, sometimes its only because of their group of friends but other times its something deeper. There is help for her with an Intensive outpatient program, or independent counseling. Im attaching a link to a thread contains the 20 minute guide for parents and it has things in it to help you and her. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ide-craft.html This book is also very good: Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by Amberlily 
I'm looking into the Vivitrol shot since she said it could help her. I'll see if my insurance will help with it. At least my eyes are open now and we are prepared to tell her to leave if the time comes.
My husband used the Vivitrol injection at the beginning of his recovery. It was a monthly shot for him and his experience was very positive. We were advised that it should be used in conjunction with therapy. This is what my husband did and never looked back to the drugs. He did go off the injections after a while but continued with therapy for much longer. He also said it helped with cravings, etc. I think it comes in various forms: daily pills, injections, and even a slow release implant. So definitely talk to your doctor.
I think its positive your daughter is being so open with you, and if she wants the vivitrol then to me its a good sign she is not wanting to go down the road of addiction.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Hi,
Sorry to hear about your daughter honestly I saw lots of signs with my addicted son but there was not a thing I could do to stop his descent , as for Vivitrol it does work , my son was on it for 6 month he said it really helped and no cravings until he didnt want the shot anymore go figure ,
Sorry to hear about your daughter honestly I saw lots of signs with my addicted son but there was not a thing I could do to stop his descent , as for Vivitrol it does work , my son was on it for 6 month he said it really helped and no cravings until he didnt want the shot anymore go figure ,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 9
I want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to me. I have learned a lot from this site in the last couple of days.
My daughter definitely knows I'm there for her. I've always been very open with her. She has come to me with other personal situations and we have worked through them. Hopefully we can get through this one.
I appreciate all the book recommendations. My favorite past time is reading. I guess my material will be changing for a little while.
My daughter definitely knows I'm there for her. I've always been very open with her. She has come to me with other personal situations and we have worked through them. Hopefully we can get through this one.
I appreciate all the book recommendations. My favorite past time is reading. I guess my material will be changing for a little while.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Amber,
I've been reading your thread, and it brings back so many memories of what addiction has put me through, put my family through. The disease doesn't care, it just takes and takes and takes some more. The lies and manipulations that my TWO ADs did to the family, especially my younger son cannot be forgotten anytime soon.
That being said, I think the lies were a way of my daughters to "protect" me and shield me from their heroin addiction. Until one day, while one was in the hospital because of a suicide attempt, the older girl told me the truth, as best she could. (That AV was trying its hardest to silence her), but somehow she won that battle and the truth can out.
Well, the whole family has come a long way since that day, a short year ago.
All the guilt, blame and shame and judgmental people have slowly lifted from my painful heart, sad heart.
The first thing I did, was to take care of myself. I started by taking a deep breath...and many deep breaths, then I started eating better (from not eating at all) and drinking tons of water and getting the rest my body so desperately needed. Then I had myself a plan, I set boundaries (suggested by the SR family) in my home. I sought out support, face2face support I learned how not to be codependent in this sickness of addiction.
Both my daughters desired and were wanting to be sober. If they didn't, there was no way I could of "forced" them into rehab and recovery.
Being a mom, your first instinct is to fix this addiction, and I quickly learned that I didn't cause it I couldn't control it and I couldn't cure it. The desire to fix your children's problems is so strong, but this wasn't a skinned knee or a broken bone.
So off to rehab, IOP and counseling (she still goes) the younger AD (19) went. She went c/t because her blood pressure was too low to receive any help with medications to ease the w/d symptoms.
The older AD (22) tried the Methadone clinic, that didn't work for her, then she found Suboxone, another maintenance medication, which she is on now and is tapering down, she also sees her therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly now. Both daughters are drug tested every two weeks (they had some legal problems related to their heroin use) and have clean tests for...one year now. This one year felt like an eternity.
I don't want to frighten you, but help you. Take care of yourself first. Think, what would happen if you drove yourself insane with worry and guilt? Who would take care of your children if you were not around??
Breathe, take care of yourself, seek out support set your boundaries and have a plan.
My daughters are sober (from Opiates) today after a long rocky roller coaster ride, a ride the whole family was on. Will they relapse? I pray they won't, but if they do, I have a plan, boundaries set up and the knowledge and support only a phone call away.
Much gentle love and support and prayers going out to you.
Welcome to our SR family.
TF
I've been reading your thread, and it brings back so many memories of what addiction has put me through, put my family through. The disease doesn't care, it just takes and takes and takes some more. The lies and manipulations that my TWO ADs did to the family, especially my younger son cannot be forgotten anytime soon.
That being said, I think the lies were a way of my daughters to "protect" me and shield me from their heroin addiction. Until one day, while one was in the hospital because of a suicide attempt, the older girl told me the truth, as best she could. (That AV was trying its hardest to silence her), but somehow she won that battle and the truth can out.
Well, the whole family has come a long way since that day, a short year ago.
All the guilt, blame and shame and judgmental people have slowly lifted from my painful heart, sad heart.
The first thing I did, was to take care of myself. I started by taking a deep breath...and many deep breaths, then I started eating better (from not eating at all) and drinking tons of water and getting the rest my body so desperately needed. Then I had myself a plan, I set boundaries (suggested by the SR family) in my home. I sought out support, face2face support I learned how not to be codependent in this sickness of addiction.
Both my daughters desired and were wanting to be sober. If they didn't, there was no way I could of "forced" them into rehab and recovery.
Being a mom, your first instinct is to fix this addiction, and I quickly learned that I didn't cause it I couldn't control it and I couldn't cure it. The desire to fix your children's problems is so strong, but this wasn't a skinned knee or a broken bone.
So off to rehab, IOP and counseling (she still goes) the younger AD (19) went. She went c/t because her blood pressure was too low to receive any help with medications to ease the w/d symptoms.
The older AD (22) tried the Methadone clinic, that didn't work for her, then she found Suboxone, another maintenance medication, which she is on now and is tapering down, she also sees her therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly now. Both daughters are drug tested every two weeks (they had some legal problems related to their heroin use) and have clean tests for...one year now. This one year felt like an eternity.
I don't want to frighten you, but help you. Take care of yourself first. Think, what would happen if you drove yourself insane with worry and guilt? Who would take care of your children if you were not around??
Breathe, take care of yourself, seek out support set your boundaries and have a plan.
My daughters are sober (from Opiates) today after a long rocky roller coaster ride, a ride the whole family was on. Will they relapse? I pray they won't, but if they do, I have a plan, boundaries set up and the knowledge and support only a phone call away.
Much gentle love and support and prayers going out to you.
Welcome to our SR family.
TF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 9
Thank You. I actually thought today that maybe I should sit down with a pen and paper and write down some ground rules for my daughter. When I first realized what was going on, my plan was to force her into sobriety. I quickly learned from this site that by doing that, I would only physically and mentally exhaust myself.
So I was thinking that I would write her a letter telling her how much we love her and what we are willing to do to help. Then I wanted to make sure she understood in advance what we are not willing to do.
1) We are not willing to let her live here while she is using.
2)The minute something is stolen, she will have to leave. (We have already gone through that and will not go through that again.)
3) If she gets in trouble legally, I will not help her financially.
So on and so on.
Has anyone done this? I feel like if she is not to deep into this than this could help her see what she will have to face?
I'm sorry for what all of you are going through or have gone through. I know that heroin is very big in my area but to actually hear from other parents going through it breaks my heart.
So I was thinking that I would write her a letter telling her how much we love her and what we are willing to do to help. Then I wanted to make sure she understood in advance what we are not willing to do.
1) We are not willing to let her live here while she is using.
2)The minute something is stolen, she will have to leave. (We have already gone through that and will not go through that again.)
3) If she gets in trouble legally, I will not help her financially.
So on and so on.
Has anyone done this? I feel like if she is not to deep into this than this could help her see what she will have to face?
I'm sorry for what all of you are going through or have gone through. I know that heroin is very big in my area but to actually hear from other parents going through it breaks my heart.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Amberlily
Has anyone done this? I feel like if she is not to deep into this than this could help her see what she will have to face?
Just the other day we talked about what she calls the 'lost years'. She remembers zilch about my stated rules/boundaries, heart to heart talks etc, but she absolutely remembers my actions as they were consequences for her.
If I had to do it over again, I'd still write up those rules/boundaries. They ended up providing clarity for me, and a way to hold myself accountable.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Amber,
How did your evening go? Did you talk to your daughter about your boundaries? Just last night I had to ask my 23 yr old RAD to leave our home because she crossed a verbal boundary. I asked her calmly without much hysterical emotions. She was shocked and couldn't believe it. I gave her an hour to gather her things and leave. And she left. I'm not a tough love kind of person, but, I was yesterday and I'm feeling ok today. I let go of those guilt feelings and took care of my other children and myself.
Wishing you a peaceful Thursday!
TF
How did your evening go? Did you talk to your daughter about your boundaries? Just last night I had to ask my 23 yr old RAD to leave our home because she crossed a verbal boundary. I asked her calmly without much hysterical emotions. She was shocked and couldn't believe it. I gave her an hour to gather her things and leave. And she left. I'm not a tough love kind of person, but, I was yesterday and I'm feeling ok today. I let go of those guilt feelings and took care of my other children and myself.
Wishing you a peaceful Thursday!
TF
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