February13

One of my single mom friend is an alcoholic. Her ex is a drug addict and is unable to consistently care for their child. My friend had been sober for a few years but has been drinking for months now.
She sent her child to visit her dad's family for a few days last week and they haven't returned the child. Of course they have no right to keep the child and yet the mom is drinking. I have seen her very very drunk and with the child.
When my friend told me how they kept her daughter i wanted to run over to pick her up and drive her to the house (hours away) where he child might be. I keep telling myself this is none of my business and hoping the best for the child.I have no idea what is best for the child.I pray she is safe. Pray that it pushes my friend to sobriety.
I am such a big codie. Still.

lovetohikect

Just to be clear - you really think it would be a good idea to get involved in this situation? By facilitating your friend's access to her child, when your friend is an alcoholic and the safety of the child may be at issue?

Am I missing something here?

Jane

chicory

I hope this little child can stay where she is safe.

GardenMama

Yes, isn't it something when we want to rescue someone or something when we have no idea what is really going on? I understand completely. When I have done this, it doesn't usually turn out well...Good for you for realizing your codie-ness!

Ann

My prayers go out for this child, God bless the grandparents for saving her from a life with an alcoholic mother and drug addicted father.

The child is loved and safe. Not interfering was the right thing to do. Thank you on behalf of the child.

Hugs

February13

lovetohikect--- my first reaction as a single mom was to want to help this single mom get her child back RIGHT AWAY! but I didn't do anything as I did not know that it would be in the child's best interest.
Tonight the child is back with her mom. (Nothing to do with me.)
If her ex's family is concerned about the child they should probably contact child protection services. Keeping the child away from her mom, hidden at an undisclosed location, is against the law.
I hope my friend gives sobriety another try after this scary episode but I won't be surprised if I see her drinking at the picnic in the park next week-end. At least I bet my friend's mom now has an idea that her daughter is drinking again,that grandma is really close to the child.

chicory

It is against the law to take a child away, but it was done with the childs best interests at heart. I would kidnap my grandchild in a heartbeat if her mother was very very very drunk while caring for her. and I would contact child protective services , so I could take the child into my care.
Perhaps you can call them yourself, if this woman is caring for a child while very very drunk. How does she transport the child, when she is drinking? And what happens at home? Does mom drink a lot there too?
To see a child being neglected by someone impaired by alcoholism is very upsetting to me, to all of us here, and doing nothing about that could cost the child dearly.

I would step in and make family aware, if you can. The child may not be able to cry for the help needed. The childs welfare is more important than a friendship, IMHO.

lovetohikect

I understand that you care for your friend. All of us here with children (which includes me) can identify with the urge to help and to re-unite the mother and child. To say the least, this must be hugely confusing and upsetting for this little girl.

However, whether it's against the law or not for your friend's parents to keep the child at their home, that doesn't seem cause, to me, to get involved with the situation. The potential risks to you are huge. What if you played an active role in re-uniting them and some harm came to the girl? And, in family situations, things are always very complicated and nobody can ever really be aware of the entire history.

This strikes me as a perfect example of "accept the things I cannot change." It would seem that the best help you could be in this situation would be to assist your friend in moving into recovery, perhaps by volunteering to take care of her daughter while she goes to a meeting, or helping her research therapists or rehab facilities, or some other step towards actively seeking recovery.

Jane

atalose

And so should you!!! If at any time you feel this child is in danger (mother driving drunk) neglect (mother passing out). Mother being intoxicated in public (public intoxication is against the law).

This child deserves to be more then the can that gets kicked down the road in hopes someone else will deal with it.

atalose

PS: when it comes to a child.......it's everyone's business.

hopeful4

My sister is a highway patrol officer. We were just talking yesterday about the alarming rate of single moms they have been finding driving around their children while they are intoxicated. It is your duty to the child to call CPS if you believe the child is in danger, end of story.

needingabreak

I just saw a video on FB from a father whose ex was driving drunk with his 7 yr old daughter and they were both killed. I think not only is it your business but I cannot for the life of me understand why you would not call child protective services on her. MY God. I do not blame the father of the child for keeping her longer and to tell you the truth Id be keeping her too AND calling the police and CPS.

Too many people refuse to get involved and guess what? The child ends up dead and then people come out of the woodwork to say how they knew something was wrong but never did anything about it.
Hopeful, you are right. Many single mom's and dad's going out partying and driving with their kids drunk or leaving them alone at night once they are in bed. I could not sleep knowing I was allowing a child to be endangered like this.
February, I understand she is your friend but when she gets arrested and possible kills herself, her daughter or someone else how would you feel then?

Sorry, I'd be on the phone to CPS immediately.

hopeful4

It's also the duty of anyone to call 911 and report drivers driving drunk, especially with children in the car, but even without. Just because we hear this all the time does not make it ok.

GardenMama

Based on your recent post, Feb13, I encourage you to call CPS! Your friend needs help and the child definitely needs protection. Make haste!

Eddiebuckle

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

- Edmund Burke

My friend works for child protective services, unfortunately this is not at all uncommon - here is my advice: call CPS in the county where the child currently is, give them as much information as you have, including the Mothers name & address.

You are right that it is not your business to solve this, but that doesn't mean that the best you can do is pray for the child. Don't wring your hands and say this isn't your business - this is a child who is defenseless. The parents clearly are incapable of being adults... this isn't an intrusion of their personal business, it's a child's welfare.

February13

they ride the bus.

February13

Drinking is legal and they sell booze Everywhere!

February13

I have seen my friend very very drunk once months ago and it was at a special occasion.

Because she has relapsed I assume she is drinking more than one night a week, I have no idea how drunk she gets and what else might take place. I suspect that her daughter is upset about her drinking and "rang the alarm" by telling her dad's relatives who also have addiction problems.

Sober she is/was an amazing mom. Her daughter is very smart and has always been very well taken care of,fed healthy meals, bathed, taken to activities,etc. When I see my friend she is fine, I just know that some drinking is happening at other times.

My friend's mom is very involved with the child (unlike her ex's family who sees her during the summer and for christmas).

I do not feel like I should call CPS at this time.

chicory

Its not being codependent to worry about a childs safety. It is however, wrong to do nothing when we see a child in the care of someone who gets very very drunk. I was that child at one time. I wish someone had done more than pray for my safety.

You would not have posted here if there was not a significant risk to this child. It isn't codie to protect children.

Care more about the child than the friend. please. the friend has a choice. the child does not. Never shut your eyes to a child who may need help.

chicory

This makes me ill to read. It must be the Alcoholic's Anthem.

Does that mean to you that it's ok to be very very drunk with a child? Public intoxication is illegal. Child endangerment is illegal.

they take people to jail when they are very very drunk when caring for their children.

you are defending her behavior.