VelmaMae

Another update. I emailed my lawyer and he called me right away (at 8pm. My lawyer is awesome) He is gonna prepare an emergency custody order and DVP and meet me at the courthouse tomorrow. My heart is breaking for my daughter. She is so scared her dad will hate her and never forgive her. Thank you all for your continued replies and reassurance that I'm not over reacting here. It has helped me keep my resolve

zoso77

Velma,

Thank you so much for keeping us posted. I know this is an extremely difficult and heartbreaking time.

Re: your daughter...at the end of the day, her father made some very, very poor choices. And as Dee noted, there should be a penalty for those choices. All you can do now is protect her, assure her, and let her know that you love her.

We're all pulling for you.

Firefall

Ok, being a mom with an ex if they are about themselves, they are about themselves. Even sober they will tell their kids if you don't side with me, then your not my kid... users don't care about who they hurt. You need to make sure you communicate that to her and a counselor cause no matter what he has already injured her emotionally. Thank God you have good communication with her you need to do everything possible to keep him from making you the bad guy in his mess.

It is just too bad that before the courts will do anything they have to drag the kids through it to.

Stay strong you are the best momma.

Ann

VelmaMae, please let your daughter know that this isn't her fault, that her father created the dangerous situation and must pay the consequence and that if he is angry it is just another sign that he is not accepting responsibility for what he has done.

As a side, your other daughter may have seen more than just the porn incident too and is only talking about it now because you have been so open and supportive to the girls. It may be a good time to sit down, unemotionally, and talk openly to both of them about all that has gone on and then listen to what they say to you too. They may be scared, of hurting your feelings or betraying their father. That's why I say "unemotionally", which doesn't exclude lovingly.

Family counseling may help all of you to work through the feelings you each must be feeling right now.

I am so sorry all this happened. I am also very proud of you for being the grown up here and doing what is necessary to protect your daughters. That took real courage and energy that you probably don't have right now. Those girls are blessed to have you for their mother.

Hugs

VelmaMae

Home from court. Man I had forgotten how exhausting being this stressed can be! We had an emergency hearing and the judge granted me temporary full custody. My daughter did not have to testify. We go back to court Tuesday am. My XAH has been served. According to my lawyer he was "not happy". Too bad. I wasn't happy he put my daughter in that situation! Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I cannot express how much this board has helped me!

Hope4Life

EXCELLENT VelmaMae! Now maybe the dirt bag will get the idea that you mean BUSINESS!

Stay Strong MOM!

Firefall

Velmamae you are so inspiring! You saw what needed to be done and you did it!!
Stay strong... we are here.

Ann

I am so darn proud of you, that took real courage and determination to do the right thing to protect your children.

And God bless the judge for having the wisdom to make a good decision.

Hugs

hopeful4

Good for you! Praying for all of you!

XXX

PurpleWilder

Good job, Mommy! Stay strong!

VelmaMae

Why do I let him make me doubt myself?? I got the angry text today accusing me of slander and libel and of course denying he had any idea what this could be about. He claims he is not taking anything not prescribed by a doctor. I know without doubt that my daughter is telling me the truth and my gut has said all along he's still using, but I thought my ace here was gonna be asking for a drug test. If he can prove he's taking these meds "legally" all I have is my daughters testimony. I hope that will be enough.

We are giving him the opportunity to agree to custody modification and not go to court over this. I am meeting with him tomorrow, under advice of my lawyer to discuss it. Please send me prayers and positive thoughts that I can stand up to him. I plan to ask for a lot in hopes of getting what's reasonable and will keep my children safe. Thanks in advance

Ann

You're doing okay, because he says something doesn't make it so.

I trust your daughter too, she had no reason to make that up and stand by her story. Odds are very very good that she is telling the truth.

Hugs

Firefall

Don't get caught up in their lies. They are experts at making us doubt ourselves.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...destroyed.html

zoso77

When I read the text I highlighted in bold, I admit I rolled my eyes and laughed a little bit. His victimization is wholly unoriginal. Not to mention he's completely full of sh*t.

When someone makes a concerted effort to make you doubt your sanity, there's a term for that: gaslighting. It's a form of emotional abuse. If your gut is telling you the same thing that your daughter is, then you've got nothing to worry about. Stand your ground, be mature. And don't buy any bullsh*t he hurls in your direction.

VelmaMae

Update: we met and were able to come to an agreement that I am happy with. He Still "had no idea what could have even appeared to be something like that". I refused to discuss it. I feel such a sense of relief right now. Back to my peaceful life...until the next time lol

Firefall

Thanks for the update. In my prayers

zoso77

And the lesson learned is you can handle these types of conflicts maturely and without compromising yourself. Very nicely done.

needingabreak

Thank you for your updates. So glad that everything has worked out. Sounds like he knows darn well what he did and is why he is being accomodating. I am so proud of you for not letting him get to you AND your daughters see how much you care, you believe them and will always protect them. I wish the best for you going forward.