Duped. Again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Duped. Again.
When will one learn?
My xah abandoned his family. Defaulted on the divorce. Has supervised visits. Has disappeared during all this 3 times. Cheated and is currently still in a relationship with this woman, who I believe he is STILL doing drugs with. He signed court papers that this woman is not to be around our son, but he is still with her. He has lived with her for the past 3 years. For the past year in and a half he hasn't seen his son. He hasn't paid child support. She was with a man who did all this. Baffles me. Drugs. I believe, but cannot prove, that the link between them is drugs. She is 13 years his senior, and alcoholic, multiple DUi's, jail time...a total catch! Sorry if that offends anyone. She even have more than 1 mug shot on mugshot.com. Like I said, a total catch.
So why am I going off on her? What does she matter? She represents his drug use. If he is with her, he is doing drugs.
Long story short. We didn't hear from him for almost a year and a half. No child support. And then poof, he appears. He is currently out of state (thank god) and wants a relationship with his son. I asked him about his addiction and whether or not he was in recovery and if so, how, what, when? I got no response. He totally ignored me...AGAIN. He always ignores me. He finally got what he wanted and has begun talking to my son on the phone. He was more respectful and kind to me than ever before. My son was excited talking to him. He was being nice to me. The elephant was still in the room, but I had hope. I had hope that he was clean. Or, trying too.
I should of realized if he truly was clean he would of called me and discussed his recovery, and/or even apologized for the hurt. I thought maybe he was in too much pain. I felt bad for him. I had empathy. I was happy for my son. Maybe my son could have a father. He even left a message for me ending it with "luv you". I was excited. Let me be clear, I do not want him back. BUT I would love to be friends with him. I would love to trust him. I would love to co-parent. I would love it. I am so sick of being a single mom doing everything myself 24/7 sometimes, but at the same time it is great not having to discuss all decisions with another soul. I'm good. But, my son would love a father.
Anyways, being behind on support and no explanation or apology he has asked us to come visit. All expenses paid by him of course. Being a romantic, I imagined how beautiful this would be. Again, not romantic like us getting back together, but a romantic like us being friends and co-parenting. I even considered moving up there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For him! So he could be near my son and have a relationship! WTF? So, I sobered up and did some research and realized that he is still with the woman. The woman who represents drug use. So disappointed. Yet, again. When will I learn? I was bummed and angry for a bit. Then I started to realize that he sucked me again. Such charm and manipulation. point for him. But, I thankfully realized what was going on before I said yes to anything stupid.
I cannot trust this man. It is so sad to me. I will treat him with respect and love, but I am tapped out. I moved more towards moving on...yet again. I can't wait to be officially moved on.
I love him. Not as a husband or a father, but I love him. I always will. It just breaks my heart my family is destroyed. BUT...it's all good. I am just so glad I am a strong woman who can not only take care of myself, but my son. Alone. I got this. I always will!
My xah abandoned his family. Defaulted on the divorce. Has supervised visits. Has disappeared during all this 3 times. Cheated and is currently still in a relationship with this woman, who I believe he is STILL doing drugs with. He signed court papers that this woman is not to be around our son, but he is still with her. He has lived with her for the past 3 years. For the past year in and a half he hasn't seen his son. He hasn't paid child support. She was with a man who did all this. Baffles me. Drugs. I believe, but cannot prove, that the link between them is drugs. She is 13 years his senior, and alcoholic, multiple DUi's, jail time...a total catch! Sorry if that offends anyone. She even have more than 1 mug shot on mugshot.com. Like I said, a total catch.
So why am I going off on her? What does she matter? She represents his drug use. If he is with her, he is doing drugs.
Long story short. We didn't hear from him for almost a year and a half. No child support. And then poof, he appears. He is currently out of state (thank god) and wants a relationship with his son. I asked him about his addiction and whether or not he was in recovery and if so, how, what, when? I got no response. He totally ignored me...AGAIN. He always ignores me. He finally got what he wanted and has begun talking to my son on the phone. He was more respectful and kind to me than ever before. My son was excited talking to him. He was being nice to me. The elephant was still in the room, but I had hope. I had hope that he was clean. Or, trying too.
I should of realized if he truly was clean he would of called me and discussed his recovery, and/or even apologized for the hurt. I thought maybe he was in too much pain. I felt bad for him. I had empathy. I was happy for my son. Maybe my son could have a father. He even left a message for me ending it with "luv you". I was excited. Let me be clear, I do not want him back. BUT I would love to be friends with him. I would love to trust him. I would love to co-parent. I would love it. I am so sick of being a single mom doing everything myself 24/7 sometimes, but at the same time it is great not having to discuss all decisions with another soul. I'm good. But, my son would love a father.
Anyways, being behind on support and no explanation or apology he has asked us to come visit. All expenses paid by him of course. Being a romantic, I imagined how beautiful this would be. Again, not romantic like us getting back together, but a romantic like us being friends and co-parenting. I even considered moving up there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For him! So he could be near my son and have a relationship! WTF? So, I sobered up and did some research and realized that he is still with the woman. The woman who represents drug use. So disappointed. Yet, again. When will I learn? I was bummed and angry for a bit. Then I started to realize that he sucked me again. Such charm and manipulation. point for him. But, I thankfully realized what was going on before I said yes to anything stupid.
I cannot trust this man. It is so sad to me. I will treat him with respect and love, but I am tapped out. I moved more towards moving on...yet again. I can't wait to be officially moved on.
I love him. Not as a husband or a father, but I love him. I always will. It just breaks my heart my family is destroyed. BUT...it's all good. I am just so glad I am a strong woman who can not only take care of myself, but my son. Alone. I got this. I always will!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Then I started to realize that he sucked me again. Such charm and manipulation. point for him. But, I thankfully realized what was going on before I said yes to anything stupid.
And apparently you've learned some things, too, and you were able to hit the brakes before committing to anything. So that's progress.
When your XAH comes calling, simplify things by remembering he's full of sh*t. Profane, yes. But it has the benefit of being true. Always remember that.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by story74 
ps- yes it is a REAL website that she graces 2 times!!!! LMAO!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Story, I am sorry this didn't have a better outcome for you but there is a blessing in there somewhere...maybe it's that this lesson has taken you one step closer to closure.
He wants his life of drugs and the life he left behind too. You and I both know that drugs will win every time. Sad as that is, at least it's predictable.
I wish you and your dear child a wonderful life of new beginnings and happier days ahead.
Hugs
He wants his life of drugs and the life he left behind too. You and I both know that drugs will win every time. Sad as that is, at least it's predictable.
I wish you and your dear child a wonderful life of new beginnings and happier days ahead.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
What ever happened to the good-ole days.....when these phonies could lie
their butts off and their "stories" ........."could possibly be true" !?!?!?
Oh yeah, right.....Google! (and mugshots.com!)
Scumbags (like cockroaches!)....HATE the light.
their butts off and their "stories" ........."could possibly be true" !?!?!?
Oh yeah, right.....Google! (and mugshots.com!)
Scumbags (like cockroaches!)....HATE the light.
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