New here
 

Hi I am new here but not to addiction. My husband of 26 years has been an addict for 20 or more of these years. I am totally devastated over this and I don't know where to turn why is there not more help for the families of addicts if this is a family disease why don't the rehabs have more resources for us? He is currently in IOP finishing which is the last step down in the current rehab program which is his 2nd this year alone and I think he is using again already. I can't stop crying and I am in so sad I am in physical pain.

There's no help I can give you and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're in the right place, this forum has helped me immensely already and I signed up yesterday.

Know that it is his choice and his alone to recover. He needs to get to that place where he needs and wants to be better more than anything and you can't push him there, or love him there, or take him there. This is a hard road but we can walk it together.

Welcome to the Board, Winter. You've come to the right place.

Because rehab centers cater to the addict and/or alcoholic. There are hospitals where the social workers on staff will set up family meetings with the patient and the family, but generally speaking it's not under the purview of the rehab center to help the family.

With that being said, there are programs such as Al Anon and Nar Anon which are geared towards the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. Like AA and NA, these are 12 Step based programs designed for the loved ones to regain control over their lives regardless of whether the addict is using or not.

But let's get back to you. Twenty years is a long time to be dealing with this. I'm glad you've reached out, and others will be by to greet you and offer you support. My hope is you take advantage of this moment and start to take care of you. We'll be here to help you do that. It's far past time that you start.

Again, Welcome to the Board.

Bump.

A friend sent me the book "Codependent No More" it is very thought provoking. I highly recommend it. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. You're in my thoughts .

Hello Winter. Welcome to SR! Its pain that brings you here, I can hear that in your post, but here you will find some help. there are so many who are where you are, who have been where you are, and those who have found joy again, even after being in your shoes.

As Zoso noted, you have been hurting for a long time. And we can help you, with sharing our own stories, of pain and of found hope.

I know what you are saying... I have wondered that myself. why there are not more social services, for instance, to counsel the families of addicts/alcoholics. I definitely believe there is a need for more help.

Al-anon is a wonderful source. Or Nar-anon, for addicts families. Have you tried one ? You must be in such need, such pain, if you have not gotten any help during all this time.

we have some wonderful 'stickies'-stories about addicts and their families.. their struggles,,, and their successes.

You may have heard about the three C's? You did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. However, you can change how you react to it. You can decide what you want in life. some people detach... that helps a lot. face to face meetings with others who have been there. reading literature about addiction and what you can expect.

Do you have any family support, or friends who know? If not, you are not alone there either. Many of us pretty much only have each other here, and it works miracles sometimes, and we can be a pretty strong support !

Please, keep posting. It sounds like you could use some help and we are willing and we care.

I am sorry for your pain. It can get better, though, believe this.

:hug:

Thank you for your support. Tonight I went to a naranon meeting and it was very good yesterday I went to a CODA meeting but it was not as helpful.

Im surprised your husbands rehab doesn’t offer anything for family members. Ive found its very common now for rehabs to offer services such as family group meetings, intensive 3-4 day sessions for family, individual therapy for family members, etc. My husband’s rehab even had marriage counseling as part of his official treatment. I really wish they would all offer these things…. my therapist pointed me in the direction of Community Reinforcement and Family Training (craft). I have been using this program on my own and through support from Smart Recovery. Im happy to hear your naranon meeting was helpful. Its really great your reaching out for support; I hope things look brighter soon.

Hello and welcome to you Winter.

Have you sought out a therapist or psychiatrist that specializes in addiction? When I left my X husband that is what I did, and it helped me immensely.

I credit that process along with Celebrate Recovery (and these fine people at SR of course) for getting me through some of my darkest days.

I am glad you went to a meeting that was helpful to you. I don't think it is what meeting you pick so much as finding a group of people who understand, can give you face to face support, and you click with.

I hope you keep coming back. The people here at SR do truly understand what pains you and understand where you are coming from. You are not alone.

I wish you a peaceful day and hope to see more of you on the board!

Understanding devestation
 

I know you posted 4 days ago - I'm new to this and just saw your post. The word devastated is something I can relate too - I'm sorry you are hurting -!its a lonely world out there with this addiction. I have a daughter who is a heroin and crack addict. I just feel like my soul has been sucked out.

I recently left my bf and have 2 kids with him and one on the way. I signed us up for our own personal councling and I am dueing intakes this Tuesday. I think it'll help us a lot I would reccommend it. My children are 2 &3, they told me they do younger too cause I was hesitant for my younger one going and if it'd even do anything. I know its hard and well idk where our relationship will stand after all this, but I'm happy I'm doing what's needed for us.

Idk ur guys story but I wish u best. I felt that way and. Somedays most days I still feel that way. Trying to control something and figure something out that has to do with a loved one is very hard and physicaly and emotionaly draining.

They wont change till there ready and me personally I've decided If I am going to worry about something it'll be me and my boys. There's a lot of relief. I'm not saying leave him that choice is urs alone, I'm just trying to say think about where u are where uve been and what would make u happy, and if he's not ready to change he might not be in that picture.

There very good with words making u believe things that there just telling u to keep u around and content. I think its nit the way to live for anybody. Child or adult.