dogged

Is it a normal progression for the addict to not want to discuss any issues in a relationship? I have tried and hee flips out on me saying im too negative andto figure it out? Theres no figuring it out.i should be happy with whatever he can give to the relationship.. we cant even talk anymore its gotten so bad..im done. Does anyone else experience this

zoso77

Is he still active?

dogged

Yes he drinks and i know when he had. Cancer of his vocal chords he was taking pain medication and took them for a year.. he says he doesnt take them annymore. I dont believe hiim. Cuz i wpuld find. A variety. Of different pills around his place hidden. Hydrocodine..he took my blood pressure pills..of course he denies it.. i dont know if he is back to using crack or meth? I know his back is broken out out with. Sweat bumps.. and e complains of the tip of his nose hurting. From ingrowen hair? I think its. From. Snorting..he wont let me ua him. He is always angry with me.i can never do anything right the. Only internet i have is on my phone. So bare with my spelling the keys are so small. I live in a small town and he works at the small town bar..our relationship has gone down hill since we moved here..full of addicts and alcpholics..he has everyone convincrd im crazy and delusional...i need to get away but he always comes back..he has ruined me ..there is so much. More to this story but i cant expllain using this phonri will go. Find a computer anf write more

Live

Your story sounds oh too familiar to me.
((((hugs))))))

Try not to isolate, as hard as it is to get out and do normal things, you need it. If he is your only input you will feel as crazy as he claims you are.

zoso77

No, he hasn't. If he had ruined you, you would not have had the presence of mind to post here. Posting what's going on in your life can be a very difficult thing, for a variety of reasons. But yet you did. You're reaching out. So, he has not ruined you. Far from it.

You joined 7 years ago this month. Let's assume you joined because of what you're going through with him. That means you have 7 years of evidence, enough to answer your own questions. But since you're asking...

He will not change. You do not have a relationship with him. You're his punching bag. Addicts don't ever want to accept responsibility for anything they do or don't do. That's why they blame others, or make others feel that they're the problem.

So, in my view, everything comes down to one question: when are you going to decide enough's a f**king 'nuff?

Think about that.

juskeepswimin

He's argumentative because he's avoiding the reality of his life spinning out of control around him. His life is unmanageable (whether he sees it or not right now) so in order to manage it without facing the addiction and harm they've done to their lives, they shut down sometimes and avoid the hard reality....Or also turn the spotlight on someone else instead. He's not healthy and honestly nothing is going to even start to get fixed in a relationship until he is... And as you might know, that's not in your control.

juskeepswimin

no one has this power to make you feel this way but yourself. He has as much control over you then you have of him and his addiction. By staying with him YOU are letting him make you feel this way. This might be helpful for you. I know it was for me. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

dogged

s alI have a hard time dealing with. Him just throwing me away after so many years... im gping on vacation for a week staying at the llake..i. have a feeling he has replaced. Me already he doesnt have relationships he. Takes victims...feel sorry for the next victim. Hoping this vacation will center me. And air out thoughts and put them into perspective..i almost feel like ive been brainwashed.and i have to get back to reality and face the denial ive been avoiding all these years..i cant change anything and i dont evven want to try...i am so tired of it all..i just want to be happy and not think about him 24/7

chicory

Hey Dogged, keep posting here.... it will help clear your mind and give you back hope.

If he 'threw' you away, he'd be doing you the biggest favor. But he is just being abusive to you, because he can.

Gather your precious self up, and tell yourself that you deserve better. realize that if he had a angel in his presence he would not know it, nor care about anything but his self and his addictions.

It does not make you worth less because he treats you that way.

What do you want out of life, sweetie? Not to think of him? well, you have to find another focus, and you are a good place to start.

I hope your time at the lake helps you to clear your mind. He is keeping you foggy and sad... so wrong to do to someone.

hugs.

Praying

Hi...I was thrown away as well. I may have been the one who filed for divorce, but he had left and checked out. He just wanted to keep financial ties and a family on call for his whims.

Saddest moment ever was when I told DS12 dad is choosing a rough path and making poor choices right now, but deep down loves him... And DS said after pondering... No. If he loved us he wouldn't have left and not come back. He'd have tried. Mom. He just THREW US AWAY.

And he did.

But... we are all glad. He gave us a freedom to live in a safe, happy home, even though he left painful marks everywhere that we still struggle with.

Sending you hugs and prayers.