Stepmother in need of advice
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I just want to say that I have an 8 yr old DD. I let my X husband stay in our house for too long before I finally divorced him. The stress and anxiety are huge for her. Her counselor and psychological tester both said that while she is doing good, her tests show that she has a lot of anxiety that will need to be monitored over the course of a very long time. I am so sad about this and it makes me ill.
Stay the course, do not expose your baby to addiction. It impacts them in a huge way.
XXX
Stay the course, do not expose your baby to addiction. It impacts them in a huge way.
XXX
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: simi valley, ca
Posts: 10
So long story short, Husband HATED the meeting
last night. He hated to hear the people go on
and on he said they said nothing new and OMG
he thought he was going to die when he had to
hold a strange man's hand and recite the
serenity prayer. He says everything they say
has no proof of working but if it makes the
people attending the meeting feel better, then
that's great for them. He went on and on
about how none of it has real proof working
so why do it. He says it's a cult. Bottom
line I told him he survived, (even after he
said he was having chest pains during the
meeting) give me a break, and he is going with
me again next week. He agreed and when we got
home I made light of it but we had heavy
discussion back and forth on the way home. I
said I view these meetings as a way to cope
with what is going on and protect our family.
It's a way to react in a healthy way to the
addict. He is still of the mindset that the
"not enabling the addict" tactic doesn't work
and is leery to use it because it hasn't been
proven to work so he doesn't agree with it.
Oooo such negativity, but he did admit it he
could see this did help other family members.
I'm a total people person so I was all over
the meeting and my husband hates to deal with
people and talk about anything, he doesn't
think it does any good. Overall I felt great
and he has agreed to go again with me again
and I view that as a testament that he is
wanting to help me feel better. It's an
effort I totally acknowledge. So back to the
Cult we go, next week. LOL
last night. He hated to hear the people go on
and on he said they said nothing new and OMG
he thought he was going to die when he had to
hold a strange man's hand and recite the
serenity prayer. He says everything they say
has no proof of working but if it makes the
people attending the meeting feel better, then
that's great for them. He went on and on
about how none of it has real proof working
so why do it. He says it's a cult. Bottom
line I told him he survived, (even after he
said he was having chest pains during the
meeting) give me a break, and he is going with
me again next week. He agreed and when we got
home I made light of it but we had heavy
discussion back and forth on the way home. I
said I view these meetings as a way to cope
with what is going on and protect our family.
It's a way to react in a healthy way to the
addict. He is still of the mindset that the
"not enabling the addict" tactic doesn't work
and is leery to use it because it hasn't been
proven to work so he doesn't agree with it.
Oooo such negativity, but he did admit it he
could see this did help other family members.
I'm a total people person so I was all over
the meeting and my husband hates to deal with
people and talk about anything, he doesn't
think it does any good. Overall I felt great
and he has agreed to go again with me again
and I view that as a testament that he is
wanting to help me feel better. It's an
effort I totally acknowledge. So back to the
Cult we go, next week. LOL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
What a post, heaven! A funny description of what some people probably feel in 12 Step Meetings. I can almost hear your voice! I think that it is great he went and has agreed to go again, but if he keeps balking at it, let him stay home. You will get even more out of it without the negativity and doubt he's bringing along.
One kind of tangential story--a recovering addict of three years came to my NarAnon meeting awhile ago and said that when he was in active addiction he had always viewed 12-Step meetings as weird cults...that is until NA meetings kept him sober, and he knew that was the only way he could stay sober was to keep attending. He is also an agnostic/atheist who admitted some kind of powerful "force" spoke to him on his third near-death overdose...So even the resistance can change when we are finally ready to heal ourselves. There is no proven CURE for any of this, except the one that the addict chooses for herself in her own time and way.
If it works for you, keep going! I think that goes for all of us here--we learn what works for us alone. We hope, we doubt, we fail, we hope again, and then at some point we start taking care of ourselves in the midst of very painful situations...And then slowly things change because our perspective changes. That is what the meetings do for me. They offer insight and support, empathy and love, all while we share in the wisdom of others' successes and failures.
I am so glad you went!
One kind of tangential story--a recovering addict of three years came to my NarAnon meeting awhile ago and said that when he was in active addiction he had always viewed 12-Step meetings as weird cults...that is until NA meetings kept him sober, and he knew that was the only way he could stay sober was to keep attending. He is also an agnostic/atheist who admitted some kind of powerful "force" spoke to him on his third near-death overdose...So even the resistance can change when we are finally ready to heal ourselves. There is no proven CURE for any of this, except the one that the addict chooses for herself in her own time and way.
If it works for you, keep going! I think that goes for all of us here--we learn what works for us alone. We hope, we doubt, we fail, we hope again, and then at some point we start taking care of ourselves in the midst of very painful situations...And then slowly things change because our perspective changes. That is what the meetings do for me. They offer insight and support, empathy and love, all while we share in the wisdom of others' successes and failures.
I am so glad you went!
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