Huh?
 

The addict who is clearly high is like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar and saying they were not taking cookies

The addict saying their not using is like a child caught with cookies crumbs all over their clothes ... swearing they didn't eat the cookies.

The addict promising to stop using is like a child who promises never to tell another fib.

The addict saying their going to change is like a bear saying it is going to be a zebra tomorrow. (stop) Mediate on that for a minute. Okay, lets move along.

Not saying Children are like addicts ... Not at all

Though if the next time your addict is trying to talk himself/herself out of a situation. Refer to the child like excuses and behavior and maybe, just maybe you'll be less likely to invest into every word he/she says.

The addict mouth moves, but the addiction speaks. It will tell you whatever you want to hear so it can continue along peacefully without any flack from you for a while.

When you confront your addict about his/her drug use, behavior. You are not confronting a normal functioning brain. You are confronting a person with a brain that has been high jacked by drugs. You can't expect to get normal behavior from an abnormal mind. But funny enough we do expect the addict to keep his promises, to stop using, stop spending money, to come home on time. We are fooling ourselves to think that this will actually happen. It is not going to happen.

No matter how much you, LOVE, beg, plead, argue, rationalize, cry, bargain, yell, scream, hit, give ultimatums, threaten, force, or ignore. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE ADDICT.

You can want them to change, but until they want to they are not going to.
You can try and force them into change, but all that does is deepen the secrecy and they had more, lie more and deny more. It is not your fault. That is just how addiction works.

Your addict is no different then my addict or your neighbors addict. There may be a different drug of choice or gender of person, but that is it. Addiction is addiction.

When you begin to remember that the addicts brain does not function like a "normal persons" brain. Then you can begin to pull out of arguments or better yet not engage in them. You can stop asking if he is high because you'll know he is addict of course he is high. An addicts job is to feed his addiction. Expect him/her to do this willingly and daily, multiple times. Addiction causes the mind and body to demand this. Loyalty. The addict must never betray his addiction. There is great pain and anguish to pay if she tries.

Addiction is cruel and shows no mercy. Though the addict may appear happy and content to be high it comes at a price. Unfortunately because of the power of addiction we are willing to pay the cost. And it isn't real until it becomes real and even then we have drugs to take away reality. Living in a world of numb. Can only feel sorry for ourselves. Don't expect the addict to be able to feel for you. It is not possible with a mistress on his back. The love of his life and the life of his love. A sick and vicious circle that leads to loss.

What can you do? Don't feed the sickness with money. Don't pay bills for the addict. Don't do for the addict what they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves and don't believe for one minute that they are not capable. It only cripples them further to treat him/her as if they were a child. Resist the urge, even if you feel it is out of love. When we get our heads all wrapped up in the love factor we end up doing things that are not in our best interest or the best interest of the addict. In the name of LOVE - Just stop.

Put your focus somewhere it is needed. ON YOURSELF, your responsibilities, your mental and physical heath. Having an addicted loved one can take a lot out of a person. Especially if we are constantly putting ourselves aside and giving them our all. It is futile you know. All that you do doesn't matter and the more you give the more of you will be required. You can give and give until your are blue in the face or have nothing left to give, addiction is like a vampire it will come to suck the blood out of you.

He/she is not going to stop until they are ready. When will they be ready? No one knows if that will ever happen, but if it does it will be because the addict has been given the chance to suffer the consequences of their addiction and they are sick of having their ass kicked by it.

So what can you do to help your addict? Help yourself. Put all that energy that you've been investing into trying to get your loved one clean and lavish yourself with it. Do for you. Give to you. Love you. Think about you. No it is not selfish. No you don't have to feel guilty. You deserve a good life. Go make the life you dream of even if it means you have to do it without him/her.

The addict saying their going to change is like a bear saying it is going to be a zebra tomorrow. (stop) Mediate on that for a minute. Okay lets move along to the part where you start getting outta life the things you want and rightfully deserve. Enough of this addiction stuff already. It has robbed you far to long and your not even the one using a substance. The pay off, but we'll save that for another day and end this post on a happy note :)

Now get up and get going on you

Passion
Recovering Addict
Recovering co-dependant - enabler
I'mma survivor baaaabbbyyyy!

frickin awesome post lady! i fell flat this week and know it is because i was slacking on my program of recovery. so have worked all day solidifying my program and recommitting to ME. came home and read this - it's the icing on the cake for pumping me up and turning me away from his stuff. thank you!!!

:c011:

Yeah, that about sums it up. But, if you're comfortable, please share what life is like for you these days? :)

'frick'in AWESOME!!!!!

Thank you so much Nyte:hug:

Hey, Passion, wise words as always. :wave:

Bravo!!

Admins... this should be a sticky in my opinion.

What a wonderful way you are able to articulate life with an addict.

Thank you so much for sharing this!

Thanks, I'm having a rough night tonight and these words really helped me feel strong and that I'm making the right choice

Im sorry your night has not been a good one. I do think your strong. I hope tomorrow is a better day!

Simply brilliant; this should be a sticky.

"The addict saying their going to change is like a bear saying it is going to be a zebra tomorrow."

This is something I could have used a few years back, it would have helped me break through my denial and terminal uniqueness sooner, realize that we were not "special", and that nothing was going to change unless I did.

Once I realized I didn't have to pay the consequences for someone else's addiction, I regained the joy in life I had been missing for so long.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful way with words.

NYTEpassion, one of the best posts Ive read! This part really should be in bold and probably written every day on both F+F! For anyone who has a loved one in addiction, please read this part over and over and over till it sinks in! I know it has helped me today.

"What can you do? Don't feed the sickness with money. Don't pay bills for the addict. Don't do for the addict what they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves and don't believe for one minute that they are not capable. It only cripples them further to treat him/her as if they were a child. Resist the urge, even if you feel it is out of love. When we get our heads all wrapped up in the love factor we end up doing things that are not in our best interest or the best interest of the addict. In the name of LOVE - Just stop.
Put your focus somewhere it is needed. ON YOURSELF, your responsibilities, your mental and physical heath."

I agree, Hopeful, definitely stickie material!
Thank you so much for sharing!

Thank you so much Passion. Today has been a difficult day and reading and re-reading this post has given me the strength I desperately needed.

I always get so much out of your posts because I know you truly understand both sides!! Thank you again!