SadWife7

Today marks 3 months sober for my husband. Which he basically reminded me of, because it's in my head that it is the 10th, so I told him nothing against him but i'm probably going to continue believing its the 10th since it is an even number and easier to remember. Anyways, that isn't important.
Last night was a rough one. He still has not talked to any of my family, except for 1 sister who has been supportive of my decisions. My mom told me a few days ago that they are ready for him to talk to them, she is sick of her family being split apart, she had a sister that she didn't talk to for years, and my dad had a sister that didn't come to family stuff because a different sisters husband didn't like her husband, and mom never wanted that for her own family. She wants fall pictures and us kids to stop being miserable-my brothers constantly talk crap about him, or make cruel jokes about heroin/drug addicts, etc.
So I talked to him, told him since his 3 months sobriety was coming up, its a good time to talk to them, he's had some time to prove that he can stay clean, because I know my parents well enough to know time is going to matter more than the words said. They want an apology from him for hurting me and their grandkids.
Last night he brought up who is going to be allowed at the hospital when the baby was born. Due to his family being there waay too much when our son was born, I made it clear years ago that his family would not be told until the baby was actually here & we'd had time to meet her. What he was trying to get to last night is that he doesn't want any of my family there, except the 1 sister. Now, when our son was born, my parents came up only when specifically asked to be there-they respected our privacy and knew we needed that time together, that they did not need to intrude on it. My mom will have our son-so if he doesn't want them at the hospital, that means he will not get to meet his sister till we come home, and that we won't get to see him for a few days. I'm not okay with that. He does not want to talk to my parents. He feels resentful towards my mom because of how she handled finding out about his heroin addiction. (she yelled at him. she is scary when she is angry.) He thinks none of this is their business, this is his problem, etc. I asked him if he was unwilling to apologize for hurting us because he didn't think he did do anything to hurt us, or because he doesn't think its their business-he said it was the resentment towards my mom that makes him not want to apologize. Which was good, because if he had said he didn't do anything to hurt us, I would have had to punch him in the nose.
I tried to make it clear to him that it became their business because I needed them. I was going crazy during the active addiction when he was hiding the heroin use, I was absolutely miserable keeping everything a secret. I don't have friends, I didn't have time or means to visit his sister to confide in her (because of his failures during that time, we had 1 car & he was spending so much on gas I couldn't bring myself to drive it any extra) I needed my mom, and I needed her to be there for me, and she was. So it became their business. I am their little girl, and I've given them a grandson my mom would die to protect, so how on earth is it not their business???
I told him even if he waits 5 years to talk to them, it won't fix the situation. I'm not going to just bring him to the family christmas and say "Look, here he is! He's been sober for 5 years so you can't hate him anymore!" That won't work. The longer he puts off talking to them, the more they feel like he is refusing to man up to what he did. And I don't think he realizes how miserable I am at the situation. I've been forced to choose between him & my family, and I chose to give him a chance, but I'm not willing to lose my family over it. I want my husband to be allowed at family functions. I don't want to keep hearing the mean **** my siblings say about him. I want him to be allowed in the fall pictures, and it not be completely awkward.
We also got into a lot of other things, it led to him telling me I had no empathy & I was dense for not understanding, so I replied that "really? I'm dense because I don't have a drug addiction?" and us walking away from each other. He later tried to fix it, I explained to him that it is not possible for me, or my parents, or anyone to understand drug addiction because their is nothing logical or rational about it. I have tried to be empathetic, or I wouldn't still be with him.
Then I told him I've been frustrated anyway because we don't have a sex life, he told me I control my own feelings, I responded that yea, I should feel like I am desirable when my husband shows absolutely no desire towards me. So then he got super pissed, I cried alot, i finished dinner & threw it on the counter and went to the bedroom & shut the door & did laundry. I went & kissed our son goodnight while my husband was reading to him, and then went back to the bedroom. (It was pretty amazing knowing that he actually fed him supper ((sort of)) and changed his diaper & put him to bed-I think this is the 2nd time he has ever actually done that) Then I could hear him sobbing while he was in the shower later. Which made me want to go in there & hug him- I know that he hates hearing me complain about our sex life because he is letting me down so much. I didn't get married to be celibate, I'm Catholic, I could have become a nun. And, honestly, I can accept that he has failed us, as long as it gets better, but, I don't want to be in a marriage that does not include us having a sex life. I can picture our marriage failing because of that. I'll never cheat on him, but I refuse to be sexually frustrated for the rest of my life. But I finished all the laundry, and when he came out of the bathroom he was still acting super pissed, so I just waited till he got in bed & laid next to him for a while and told him I loved him, and then got up and shut down the house & went to bed & we cuddled. and today has been fine. But...I don't know. Just sucks. I hate the fact that my life includes a heroin addict. That isn't what I wanted for myself, for my children. But here we are, and nothing can change the past, so all we can do is go forward & him stay in recovery so that we can have a future. We have a counseling session later this week, so we'll address the situation with my parents & what to do about it there because I don't think we can resolve it on our own. We've been addressing the intimacy problems, she tells him to rub my back etc since I am pregnant, and he doesn't do it, and I don't think he will even if I ask, since not long ago I rubbed his feet & he promised to rub mine the following night, and he didn't, and I refuse to nag him on that. He just wants to hold my hand in public to show intimacy, which just irritates me.
UGH. A lot going on right now. A lot of it has to do with being 2 weeks away from having a baby, and knowing those issues won't change in those first couple months after having the baby. I'll stop typing now though

Ann

Wow, it sounds like a whole lot of family with a whole lot of opinions right now, and not that an apology wouldn't help, but it's best when it comes from the heart and is sincere and that may take time...and approachability.

Imagine apologizing to someone who then listed how much you hurt them and how often and picked you apart...at exactly the time you are trying to put yourself and your marriage back together. 3 months is still early recovery and maybe it would be good to give him time to work this out himself.

I hope you both can work things out and that when this new baby is born it will be a joyous occassion...and not a family feud.

Take a deep breath, maybe tell everyone to back of while you find your balance here, and then do what feels right for you. You get to make that call, you know?

Hugs and prayers for all of you. It's never easy but peace is always possible when everyone is willing.

incitingsilence

Him making amends will come on his timeline not anyone else’s. And you make amends for your direct behavior toward a person not what they took as personal, because that is on them.
He needs to makes amends to you and your children and one of the best ways he will do that is by his actions day to day staying clean and working on his recovery. Recovery can be a slow road and 3 months in is still very much the beginning.

And no I don’t think it is your parents business. You are an adult and you are responsible for the choices you made.

On the flip side are your brothers going to be forced to apologize for their behavior? Because they shouldn’t be either, nor should they be told how to act even if I how they are acting looks sick.

People do prove exactly what they are if they are left to do just that.

You may be miserable over the situation because you allowed yourself to be smack in the middle of it. You can’t control his actions or how he feels anymore than you can make this all right between everyone or have anyone behave as you need or wish them too.

I think with all you wrote the line about hating the fact that your life includes a heroin addict stands out the most. That you will have to work out and it might be real important to make that a priority. I know you both are doing counseling together but are either of you doing individual counseling. I am never for counseling together this early. I tend to think each side needs to understand and work on themselves before any together stuff is worked on. My husband and I gave each other a wide berth and worked on ourselves first which made working on our marriage much easier when the time came.

Good luck to you both.

atalose

You and your families expectations of him at only 3 months may be too high. Besides the counseling together, which I am not a fan of until each of you have done your own individual counseling on your individual issues first.

I also think its a mistake to force an apology when he is not there yet. Importance on fall pictures and the "happy normal family" and trying to bend, mold and fit him into that is not at the top of his list. The top of his list is to "not use today" period and accepting that is living life with a recovering addict and to expect more right now is unrealistic.

What have YOU done for YOU to learn about and understand addiction? Have you gone to al-anon or nar-non to share in person with others dealing with these same issues.

cleaninLI

Sorry you are in this difficult situation. I'm sure being two weeks away from delivery doesn't help either. Your post really stuck out to me because I have found myself in a similar situation in my past.....minus the drug addiction.....it was more alcohol...not sure about addiction though.

When I was much younger, I married my high school sweetheart. I got pregnant pretty quickly after marriage and we were both pretty immature....and dependent on our families. My parents...especially my mother did not like my ex-husband at all. She was always very rude to him....yelling at him for various things. But I remember my being in the wrong too. Because, every time we had a fight or I didn't like something my husband did...I would run to my mom's house or call her up and complain about him. Of course, being my Mom and the controlling way my Mom was....she always sided with me and seemed to even enjoy when her and I could sit and complain together about my rotten husband. Well all this did was further the wedge between my husband and I. He became more and more resentful of my Mom. He refused to participate in family gatherings (looking back...can you blame him?) This only added more fuel to the fire as far as my mother's hatred towards him. She would criticize him to the rest of the family....making him look far worse that what he actually was. Like you, my brother made wise cracks about him being unemployed for some time or drinking too much....not providing for us like he should. (Ex-husband is now very much employed....great job, great benefits, doesn't sit home drinking and remarried) You see, my mother had an ideal of what the "perfect family" should look like....my ex-husband didn't and would never fit that picture. Needless to say our marriage ended in divorce. Now my mother had complete control of me and my newborn daughter. Unfortunately, I didn't see these things until she involved herself in my brother's marriage. (His also ended in divorce......shortly after mine. Basically the same issues too...his wife not being good enough for my brother.)

But what really woke me up to her ways was when I remarried. She tried the exact same strategy with my second marriage. Good thing my husband and I were much more mature and we knew what she was up to. She tried though. It wasn't until we moved 100's of miles away, that she really couldn't have access to do damage. I never called her to complain about him and I never told her about our arguments. That way she had very little ammunition. But still she tried. My husband reported back to me the terrible things she told him about me. All lies by the way, and luckily my husband knew me enough to know they were lies. Same thing she did to me...told me lies about my husband...but I knew him well enough to know they were lies.

I guess the moral of this story, and what I learned from this experience is that not everyone close to you is truly supportive of you or your marriage. Know whom you can confide in and who you can't. I think it's just assumed that a mother for instance is looking out for your best interest, but it's not always the case. Incidentally, my mother suffers from NPD, and she is the daughter of an alcoholic, so she came from a dysfunctional family and had very poor boundaries to begin with.

So like others here mentioned, counseling for you would be the way to go. You have to decide what is most important to you....what you want your life and marriage to look like, not what your mother envisions for you. Your husband needs to work on his recovery and will have to decide if and when he wishes to apologize. As far as this looks to me....it's you he needs to make amends to and not your family. If your mother is truly looking out for your best interest she will step back and let you and your husband work things out. I really don't think your mother needs to protect her grandson from his father unless there is something you haven't mentioned....abuse or relapse or something.

It isn't you or your husband's responsibility to heal your mom's bruised ego or to make her fantasy for a picture perfect family come true.

You and your husband have enough on your plate right now.....without adding more to it.

SadWife7

I tried al anon, and I did not like it at all. I go to a weekly family group at the addiction center that actually has an educational factor, which al-anon did not have. I can't accept that it is absolutely no business of my parents, because they are such a huge part of our lives, because WE have allowed them to be. They watch our son while I'm at family group, they watch him while we do our marital counseling, we owe them thousands from helping us buy our house a year ago, they are the reason we had heat this last winter, they are the reason we were able to have a nice wedding. They have always done so much more for us than his family has, and I don't feel like they have been treated well in return. I don't want to force an apology, it won't mean anything if it isn't real, and my parents will see through it, but it frustrates me that he isn't ready to make a basic apology to them, but he was willing to take money from them while he was spending all of our money on heroin. As well as accepting free childcare from them now so that we can work on our marriage. They aren't going to list all the things he did wrong to him, they just want to hear for themselves that he hurt their daughter & grandson & that he is sorry. My siblings are young and want better for their big sister. I don't like their behavior, but I understand it. I would probably have acted the same if I saw a siblings life fall apart when I was 15 years old. I'm not expecting the relationship with them to ever be good again, and I don't really care because it isn't fixable by anything but them growing up and going through their own struggles when they are adults.
He is still doing occasional individual counseling. I won't do individual because he has already racked up so much medical debt through all of this that we can't afford it. I also don't have time, I work full time as well as take care of our 2 yr old 24/7, and I barely have time for family group, and I won't give up the board I am on in our town or attending city council meetings. Which brings it back to why it is so frustrating-If i have my family watch our son, then he has to stay there until I am done to pick him up, even though my husband is home about a half hour after I go to my meetings. But he can't go get him because he won't talk to my parents. So he loses time with our son, our son's schedule gets thrown off, and I feel guilty for my parents watching him for so long. But I will not give up the things that I enjoy doing, because that is not fair to me, and I have no social life, so 3 to 5 city meetings a month plus 4 family group is pretty damn reasonable when he has at least 12 AA meetings plus his 4 aftercare plus his weekends riding dirtbikes. My schedule is not normal, and money is tight, so hiring someone to watch him isn't really an option. It is just going to get harder since I am due to have this next baby in 2 weeks, and I will immediately be going back to work.
It is just hard for me to accept that because he developed a heroin addiction, then that is still supposed to be the center of his life, instead of the 2 children he helped bring into this world and the wife he made vows to. I am and have been perfectly willing to work around everything he needs to do to work on himself, I am the one at home alone while he goes to his meetings and I don't complain about it. I know he needs to stay focused on his recovery. I need him to stay on track so that we can have a future together. But we are still a team, and my needs have to be acknowledged. If I bend over backwards to accommodate his recovery, there isn't a damn reason he can't at least say sorry to my parents. Unless he doesn't think he hurt us, and if he doesn't think he did I don't want to be with him.

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry you're hurting.
I can't even imagine how hard all of this has been for you.

I very hope you can find peace and healing and that so will the rest of your family.
Please honor your feelings and don't stuff them.

They are valid, and real, and part of who you are.

SadWife7

I have always felt very fortunate to have the mother I have. She was always welcoming to my husband and did everything she could to make him feel comfortable. Her family always hated my dad because they didn't think he was good enough, so I think she really has done everything she can to embrace the husbands her daughters have chosen, because she does not want to be like her mother. And after the first couple weeks, she realized that only I can decide when I've had enough, so she has not said anything negative about me choosing to stay with hubby. So she has remained very supportive of me. I definitely realized very quickly to not bring any of our problems to her, because it isn't fair to her. I know she doesn't like that I stayed with him, so I'm not going to hurt her more by telling her when I'm upset with him. I try to highlight all the good things. My brothers are jerks to me, but they are very passive aggressive and they will ignore him & not say anything to him at all when he is around again. It will be awkward, but they are non-confrontational and I am glad about it. SR gets pretty much all of my venting , because I don't have anyone in my real life that I can go to. Besides the family group, but they try to stay more focused on us & not the addict, and I think I've got the taking care of myself part mostly figured out. And things have been going really well, so I want things to start improving with my family too. The closer this baby gets, the more stressed I feel about the family situation. And since he said he doesn't want my family at the hospital after the baby is born....I just don't think they have done anything to deserve that.

BlueChair

How frustrating for you to be caught in the middle especially when you have a new baby coming within a couple weeks. I think everyone should move a few inches and apologize to each other so this can be a shared time for all of you. I may be a little idealistic !! Is your husband resentful because your parents allow the siblings to make direct insults and slams about him, his character and the addiction? I see pain on both sides the way you described it. I dont have a solution except to say I think I understand where your coming from with feeling your husband should reach out and make some effort here. He may not be ready to have deep discussion with them, but if they would accept a simple I appreciate all the help you have been giving us, I have been really sick and Im trying hard to get better so I can be a good husband and dad. I want to say a lot and explain things but I cant right now because Im not there yet in my recovery. Just something, an olive branch. I personally think he should be willing to go this far, and if your family cant accept it then this proves the issue lies with them.

I think its great your in counseling together, this sounds like something the doctor could help with. This is the type of thing we would discuss in our family session because it not good to have the resentment build between the two of you. Resentment is sneaky and can undermine all your working to restore.

Im sorry for this unnecessary stress you have. I think they all need to rally around you right now, All of them.

Sara21

I'm so sorry you are going through all this, especially now that you are about to have a baby. It sounds like you and your mom have a very strong relationship and I'm glad she is someone you can depend on. I know that one of the steps during the recovery process is making amends to those that have been hurt (steps 8 and 9 I think). How is that going for him? If he himself has asked for forgiveness for some of the hurtful things he did in the past, then he should also think about forgiving others as well.

Addiction is known as a family disease, the addict becomes sick and by extension so do some of their loved ones. I'm not saying it was ok for your mom to yell at him, but many of us here have done or said things out of anger, frustration, etc. due to our loved ones addiction (things we would normally never say or do). It seems like your mom is no longer doing that, but he is still holding on to that resentment. Has he taken accountability for his role in all of this? Most people in recovery feel a lot of remorse for what they did and truly try to make amends, even though they know it may take a while.

It seems that having your mom and family at the hospital would make you feel better and relieve some of the stress. Hopefully, he'll be able to make your well-being a priority over his resentment towards your family, and not just during the birth of the baby, but in the future as well. Sending you a lot of hugs and prayers.

zilonka

My adult son was arrested for possession and since he had 5 other drug related cased served 8 months in jail to clear everything and start fresh without probation. He went straight to rehab for 3 months of his own choice, but was discharged he claims because he backed talked one of the guys in charge, so he says. He said he had always tested clean, and he only had 2 1/2 wks left till he "graduated", but they kicked him out.

He was working with a case manager who was with the Just in Reach program where if you do the 90 days in rehab, will set you up in a sober living house and assist with job leads. That never happened because he did not complete the full 90. And when I tried to call the case manager for help, he never returned my calls. Once my son was discharged, they were done with him.

So now he is back in town, a very hot trigger, and living at his dads place till we can find an opening in a sober living house in the San Fernando/Los Angeles area. Meanwhile, he has relasped a couple times already. The first time was the very next day after coming back home. And this is after being clean for almost a year! His dad does not want him in his house like this, so my son didnt come home till he slept it off. But we all knew.

I knew this would happen, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. He was advised to find a meeting right away, but of course, he procrastinated, or I should say never really followed through. I keep telling his dad to not get into a fight with him, and to not lose his cool right now. It will only make things worse, as it has in the past.

So I have gotten a list of sober living areas for him to look at and to decide what areas he would like to call. And yes, we know that he has to test clean the day he goes there or they wont let him in. Another problem is that we are not in a financial position to be paying his rent. We are hoping maybe with GR assistance that he can get help with rent. He did apply for GR while in rehab, but he only gets $200 a month, I think.

All I know is that we have got to get him out of this town asap...the longer he stays here the worse it will get...which could mean jail time again, if he is caught, he could over dose again, or, we will lose him forever.

I dont even know if anyone can help us with any advice....but thank you for taking the time to read this.

allforcnm

Hi Zilonka.

Welcome to SR... Im sorry to read about the situation with you son, and what your family is going through. I don't have experience with sober living houses or those types of things, but there may be others here who do.

I also wanted to let you know.. you might want to start a brand new thread just for this topic. It might get more attention that way.

Not as many people browse at night, but please check back as there will be more people here tomorrow.

SadWife7

I just typed a huge post & hit some button which brought up technical crap & lost everything. I want to cry. I don't have the energy to type it all again.
Long story short- Inlaws want to take the family on a vacation. They expect us to pay our way there & for anything we want to do while we are there. They are providing food & a place to sleep & that is it. We can't afford it. Is it normal to do this? The trip is a reward for the family for pulling together to help my husband, and to him for staying sober for 6 months. They are aware that our financial situation is not a good one. Husband thinks we can afford it and that we deserve it. I don't think we deserve anything, and what we'll lose on this trip could completely pay off a few bills. My mom took the family skiing a few months ago, and paid every dime. Husband thinks that doesn't matter, because it was one day skiing a few hours away & we slept at my sisters house, and this is a week 14 hours away at the beach. My mom took us skiing for my little brothers birthday, not as some huge reward crap. She wants to take everyone to Colorado to go skiing someday, and she intends on paying airfare & lodging & every expense that there is.
I know it isn't healthy or productive to our relationship to feel like this, but he didn't deserve that trip skiing & he doesn't deserve to get included when we go to Colorado. He isn't grateful to my family at all. He is just mad at them for not believing that addiction is a disease. They want him held accountable for his actions, he wants them to feel bad for him because he is sick. And I know I am coming off as ungrateful to his family, but, we wouldn't have planned a vacation because we are broke, but we get the expense of a vacation that's been planned for us that we have no say in. I would be grateful to them if they took us on a vacation. I can't be grateful for something that is going to hurt my family financially.
My plan right now is to not go on this family vacation. He can go, & ride with someone so he can split gas, and I will stay home with the kids & earn a paycheck & continue to be the financial responsible one. And we will have a schedule that is good for the kids, and we will have picnics at the park, and have a good time while he is gone. It is stupid to take a 2 year old & 3 month old on a vacation anyway.
He comes off as so much more of an ass when I am mad at him. But we had a huge fight last night about this, and I am apparently a miserable grump that spends every moment of the day thinking or worried about money.
I just scheduled an appointment for later today with our marital counselor. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to sleep on the couch for weeks. But I sure as hell am not going to sleep in a bed with him in it with how I am feeling right now.

hopeful4

I had a similar experience to this a couple of years ago. Because my family does not struggle with money, they were having a hard time understanding the extent of our financial troubles. They offered lodging and transportation on a really nice trip. I explained we could not go b/c we still could not afford the spending $ while there. We did end up going but that is b/c my mom wanted us to go so badly that she gave us that money as well. We just did not have an extra penny at the time.

I would sit husband down and go over the figures with him so he realizes you cannot afford it. I would then explain politely to family that while it is a generous offer, that there is nothing outside the budget you can afford at this time.

That really stinks, but it is what it is. It's not worth the heartache of spending money you don't have to please someone else. They don't pay your bills.

Good luck to you.

Tight Hugs.

SadWife7

The thing is, we could get the money saved up. But to me, if we can save up enough money to go, then that means we can save up enough money to get out of some of our debt. It's just not a responsible financial decision to me. To him, it doesn't matter.
I told him last night that it is ridiculous that having made it this far, he's been clean over 4 months, I'm doing okay at getting past the whole him having a heroin addiction & lying to me for months thing, I now understand how couples divorce because of money. That was always soo stupid to me-How can money be an issue that ruins a marriage? Well now I see it. When one has absolutely no respect for the others financial goals, and the one without the respect has increased the couples debt by about 7 grand, 3 of that within 4 months, and doesn't care and now is willing to spend, with lost wages & expenses, probably 1500 on an effing vacation. And he could probably say the same thing about me, that I do not have respect for his financial opinions. (I say opinions because he has no goals) He wants to pay the minimum on all our bills so that we can still enjoy our lives. Debt for 20 years while enjoying the 20 years is better than working hard for 10 years and then being able to do anything we want because we are free from debt. I know their are a lot of people that would agree with him. I don't know if that is just an inherent difference in people, or if its the way people are raised or what, but it just makes no sense to me. I will not get joy out of spending money until all of our debt is gone. And the facts of it- In ten years, our children will be 12 & 10-Old enough to REMEMBER A VACATION THAT COSTS OVER A GRAND. Why would I take them now???
Ugh. I have to get some work down, so I'll quit ranting/venting. (for now! lol)

hopeful4

Is it possible to reach a compromise? Maybe go for a weekend somewhere or to the lake for a day or some day outing instead of big bucks on a vacation?

carguysgirl

Your plan to not go sounds good to me. It will save money and give you some alone time with your kids.

I might upset some folks here-but as for his feeling resentment toward your Mom for her reaction to his addiction and how it effects you and your son- I feel like he's being unreasonable. Sure heroinaddiction us a disease-but it's not a disease like cancer that my beloved cousin died of just hours ago, it's more like drinking from an open sewer, getting sick and in the case of your husband-wanting everyone to throw him a pity party.

SadWife7

Hopeful- No, his mom has always wanted to take the family to Florida so that won't change. If he doesn't go with, then the trip would be cancelled. I don't think it would be if I don't go. I would enjoy us going somewhere for the day/weekend, but he has a chance to go to Florida and he's not going to give that up. He does NOT want to go without me & the kids. We had a counseling session yesterday, all we managed to do with that is decide that he will talk to his family and let them know that this really isn't an option for us financially. Problem is, he does think its an option, so he's not going to get anywhere with them because it's not coming from him, it's coming from me. He won't care if they refuse to pay for us to get down there. I agreed that if we can eliminate all costs of the vacation except for loss of pay, then I will go. I had never said I wouldn't go no matter what, and he seemed to think I had. I was trying to avoid sounding critical of his mom, I wanted him to come to the conclusion that them asking us to pay our own way down there is not fair or right of her to do.
carguysgirl- The last thing I really want is more alone time with the kids lol, I have them all day every day. But it would be fine.
I agree that its a bunch of crap that he has resentments towards my mom. She has been wonderful the past couple months, she wants him to talk to them but is also looking for a way to incorporate him back into the family even though he hasn't talked to them. I think his mom being so unreasonable is making her really want to prove that she is an awesome mom. If my MIL is going to have no respect for me & my position in her family, then mom will be nice & welcoming to my husband even if he hasn't earned that from her. She sees MIL making my life hard & causing fights with me & husband, so she is going to do what she can to make my life easier & eliminate the stress she knows I have due to husband being a jackass & not talking to them to make my life better. Anyways, I don't care what her motivation is, it's nice that she is on my side even if she doesn't like the choices I've made.

I struggle with the whole addiction disease thing-because he did give it to himself. And even if he was addicted to pills, and could rationalize sticking a heroin filled needle in his arm- He still KNEW it was wrong. He still KNEW it would cost him his family. And he did it anyway.
It's making me think less of his mom because she knew his dad was an alcoholic, she should have done better at giving him a chance to not follow those footsteps. Instead, she hated his dad & held it against her child that he was his father's son.
Ugh. This all sucks. I thought we had basically decided to not be mad at each other yesterday, but then this morning he was a jerk. And then he calls me that he has a doc appt & has to fill his prescription, which we don't have enough money for. We would if he paid any attention to our finances-He has spent the amount we are short in a few days on food, energy drinks & cigs, instead of taking lunch with him & cutting back on all his expensive bad habits. His mom is going to give him money. Good for her.
I don't want to do anything today. Well, I would like to go see a friend I haven't seen in a couple years, but i would have to take a shower, and that is just not a practical thing with a 2 year old loose in the house.

carguysgirl

Yeah I think I remember my sister not showering for a few years, lol!