My son's bottom....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
My son's bottom....
Some of you already know about my two young adult children...
My 19 year old daughter is in jail awaiting sentencing (more than likely drug rehab via the legal system)-lock up. She has progressed and seems to be learning lessons. I has been a long road of almost 3 years (psych wards; rehabs; jail; suicide attempts; calling cops; kicking her out; letting her in.
My son is 25 years old. He has struggled with substance abuse for along while. Mostly synthetic but the last year or son has been meth and heroin. He has struggled to work; keep jobs and maintain stability. I have also had the long road with him...same as his sister.
Two kids at the same time. What has saved my life is getting help-getting counseling; reading self help books; and SR.
I've learned my lessons. My son has been working and living in a hotel down the street from me. Whatever money he'd get was gone quickly. He doesn't work then he doesn't get to sleep at the hotel. Drugs sometimes interfere with this process of working (sarcasm). He ended up withdrawing many times and ends up on my door step for "food; water; rest." I allowed this, for a few times. He knows I am not a shelter for him.
I decided, last week that I didn't want the front row seat of his withdrawals-it was dramatic; annoying; and there was nothing that I could do. Obviously, it's happened more than once. He always denies drugs or withdrawal from them. I told him "no more witnessing your drama." He was angry and didn't contact me. Good.
He did show up this Tuesday and met my husband in the driveway. He was with a friend and drinking out of my water hose. Looks homeless and skinny. My husband got them a hamburger and dropped them off at friends. Then, he invited them to dinner. Mistake! My husband didn't know that I didn't want to see him.
After witnesses more drama, before-during-after dinner. I felt sick. Sick in my head. I had no empathy. Not much. He wanted to sleep "just lay down." I said "ok but I am going to bed in 30 minutes and you need a plan if you want me to give you a ride anywhere." He said "Ohhhhh...don't rush me. I am so tired. I can't think."
30 minutes later he asks for a pillow and blanket. We dropped them off at a bench-down the street. I suppose they slept there. Sad but I was giving it to the Lord.
Next morning my husband answers the door "can you take me to Ch.... Place." rehab. My husband says "yes." Buys them tacos and drops them off.
There was a waiting list, for the rehab. My son knows that he might need to wait for days. He knew because last week we attempted to give him a ride but never made it before lunch and he "had to work and would get a ride from a friend."
Long story short my son stayed in a shelter and had his dad best friend, who is in AA and has connections...help him get into another program. It's a short term program but the original rehab said they take him after he finishes at the place he is currently at....The original rehab has a casemanager and residential program that helps him get on his feet.
He stuck it out. He has nothing but the clothes on his back. Nothing.
My son's dad said his best friend that was helping our son said "he looks pretty bad and desperate." Good. Desperation is where change takes place!
My 19 year old daughter is in jail awaiting sentencing (more than likely drug rehab via the legal system)-lock up. She has progressed and seems to be learning lessons. I has been a long road of almost 3 years (psych wards; rehabs; jail; suicide attempts; calling cops; kicking her out; letting her in.
My son is 25 years old. He has struggled with substance abuse for along while. Mostly synthetic but the last year or son has been meth and heroin. He has struggled to work; keep jobs and maintain stability. I have also had the long road with him...same as his sister.
Two kids at the same time. What has saved my life is getting help-getting counseling; reading self help books; and SR.
I've learned my lessons. My son has been working and living in a hotel down the street from me. Whatever money he'd get was gone quickly. He doesn't work then he doesn't get to sleep at the hotel. Drugs sometimes interfere with this process of working (sarcasm). He ended up withdrawing many times and ends up on my door step for "food; water; rest." I allowed this, for a few times. He knows I am not a shelter for him.
I decided, last week that I didn't want the front row seat of his withdrawals-it was dramatic; annoying; and there was nothing that I could do. Obviously, it's happened more than once. He always denies drugs or withdrawal from them. I told him "no more witnessing your drama." He was angry and didn't contact me. Good.
He did show up this Tuesday and met my husband in the driveway. He was with a friend and drinking out of my water hose. Looks homeless and skinny. My husband got them a hamburger and dropped them off at friends. Then, he invited them to dinner. Mistake! My husband didn't know that I didn't want to see him.
After witnesses more drama, before-during-after dinner. I felt sick. Sick in my head. I had no empathy. Not much. He wanted to sleep "just lay down." I said "ok but I am going to bed in 30 minutes and you need a plan if you want me to give you a ride anywhere." He said "Ohhhhh...don't rush me. I am so tired. I can't think."
30 minutes later he asks for a pillow and blanket. We dropped them off at a bench-down the street. I suppose they slept there. Sad but I was giving it to the Lord.
Next morning my husband answers the door "can you take me to Ch.... Place." rehab. My husband says "yes." Buys them tacos and drops them off.
There was a waiting list, for the rehab. My son knows that he might need to wait for days. He knew because last week we attempted to give him a ride but never made it before lunch and he "had to work and would get a ride from a friend."
Long story short my son stayed in a shelter and had his dad best friend, who is in AA and has connections...help him get into another program. It's a short term program but the original rehab said they take him after he finishes at the place he is currently at....The original rehab has a casemanager and residential program that helps him get on his feet.
He stuck it out. He has nothing but the clothes on his back. Nothing.
My son's dad said his best friend that was helping our son said "he looks pretty bad and desperate." Good. Desperation is where change takes place!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi TX. I am happy to hear your son is attending a program. My view is that is a positive step forward, not matter what. I also agree with you, desperation is where change has it's opportunity to catch someone. I have heard many addicts say they only made change because they had lost everything, every single thing.
I think you are amazingly in touch with your own recovery and I commend you on sticking so firm to your boundaries. It has to be very hard and you are doing an amazing job.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend!
XXX
I think you are amazingly in touch with your own recovery and I commend you on sticking so firm to your boundaries. It has to be very hard and you are doing an amazing job.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend!
XXX
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
TX, thank you for your forthright post. Sharing the details of your journey is important for my journey. Both your children are safe and in a position to get help and that is all good. My son didn't chose recovery until he broke - spiritually, mentally and physically. Only then could he even reach out for help and accept it.
How are you? You sound strong and I am so glad you are getting help! Sending good thoughts and hugs your way. Breath. Enjoy the small things that give you pleasure. Be kind to yourself. I hope your husband is also taking care of himself.
It is truly a marathon and I am so grateful none of us need do it alone...
How are you? You sound strong and I am so glad you are getting help! Sending good thoughts and hugs your way. Breath. Enjoy the small things that give you pleasure. Be kind to yourself. I hope your husband is also taking care of himself.
It is truly a marathon and I am so grateful none of us need do it alone...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
((((TX))))) so thankful to hear your son is seeking help. It is probably the hardest thing to do to turn our own children away but when they have nothing left "helping" them it is when they can finally see the need to get help. I pray your son gets the best help possible and flourishes in his sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Dear TX, I am walking along beside you here right now, no longer able to believe her words about wanting rehab, just having to wait to see what she does. I so empathize with the skinny, desperate, hose-drinking pathetic messes our children have been and are in. Being a drug addict takes a heck of a lot of work and devotion to the cause! I pray for your son, and for your continued strength and insight regarding both of your children. Take care. Big hugs.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Glad both your kids are safe and I hope the desperation helps with embracing a better way. I really hope that you will be able to breathe a little easier now and do some wonderful things for yourself. Fighting this battle with two children no matter how much we focus on recovery is a daunting task. I'm so glad you do have support and have sought help for yourself - You must be exhausted. I wish you peace and many drama free days to come. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
It's my hope that my detailed posts helps others that read it. Posts that show details, especially in regards to setting boundaries have really helped me.
Before this...I have learned to let go. Not easy. I still worry but not as much. For the most part...my sleep has started to stabilize. I do have off nights.
I see my kids are in a better place (jail and rehab hospital)...who woulda thought that would be better?!
I see this as a step. I see that they are taking responsibility.
My son admitted, on the phone today, that he uses (first time) When I asked him about his withdrawals he said "oh no. I am almost never with the stuff. I always have some. Even if I have no money. I have it made for me, sell it and get enough to take home." He then went on to say "I would rather die sober than an addict." He is so addicted to the synthetic marijuana with meth added in. He said the synthetic really has it in for him right now... He is hurting now without it!
Thank you for your support!
Before this...I have learned to let go. Not easy. I still worry but not as much. For the most part...my sleep has started to stabilize. I do have off nights.
I see my kids are in a better place (jail and rehab hospital)...who woulda thought that would be better?!
I see this as a step. I see that they are taking responsibility.
My son admitted, on the phone today, that he uses (first time) When I asked him about his withdrawals he said "oh no. I am almost never with the stuff. I always have some. Even if I have no money. I have it made for me, sell it and get enough to take home." He then went on to say "I would rather die sober than an addict." He is so addicted to the synthetic marijuana with meth added in. He said the synthetic really has it in for him right now... He is hurting now without it!
Thank you for your support!
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