gems8787

Hi all, in desperate need of advice about my mum, I am 26 and still live at home with my Mum, Dad and younger Sister. Over the last 6 years my mum has developed a drinking problem that is slowly getting worse and is really starting to affect home life. It all started after her Mum passed away which was 6 years ago so it all ties in that it has perhaps been the trigger for her behaviour.
I don't look at her as being an alcoholic as she doesn't drink that much or even everyday it's just on the days she does have a drink maybe once or twice a week the way she acts is very upsetting. She becomes very angry and keen to start an argument saying very spiteful things that she knows we will find upsetting and react to which ends in an almighty argument and her feeling like she is being ganged up on.
More recently her outburst have resulted in her wishing she was dead and saying how nobody cares about her, what does she have to live for and so on which again is very upsetting to hear. I have lost count of the amount of times I have begged and pleaded with her to get professional help for her seeming depression but she refuses to visit a doctors as had a bad experience with anti depressants making her unwell and unhelpful doctors. I have managed to get her to admit to me that she has a problem and feels sad all the time and for a short while even seems to make an effort not to turn to drink when she feels down but it soon slips back to how it was.
I do have my Dad and sister to help but they have little patience with the situation so it seems to make it worse. I feel guilt for not being able to help and also for her feeling down on life, and also for the rest of the family suffering. It really is stopping me getting on with life and certainly taking the pleasure out of it. Any advice would be great.

Ann

Hi Gems. I am sorry for your sadness and hope your mom becomes willing to get some help. Has she talked to her own doctor about this? The mood swings could be due to a hormonal imbalance that women her age often have.

You may find some help for yourself at Al-anon, if there are meetings in your area maybe check them out, they have helped many of us here find our balance.

I am glad you joined us.

hugs

chicory

Hello Gems.

I know how awful it is, when a parent has a drinking problem. My mom used to get really mean when she drank, too.

Perhaps you could tell her that there are new medicines all the time. and different doctors. a lot of us get help with no problem,for depression, that is.

perhaps she does not want to take meds, because usually you are not supposed to drink with them? And she seems to be pretty dependent on alcohol.

Al-anon is a great group. It would help you to deal with your moms drinking. It really does help to give people their lives back.

Please stick around. there are a lot of us who have had your experience, and would love to support you. Be sure to remember that your life matters too. You should not have to be miserable because of your moms choices. You can't make her want to change. but when you start doing the healthy things, it seems to relieve the tension. Maybe your mom will want help if she sees you taking care of your own self, and letting go of her problems.

I am sorry , I wish there was a magic trick to make them want to get better.

we are here for you.