What can a momma do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
What can a momma do?
I really....I mean really don't know what I do without my SR friends! Thank you to all of you!
My daughter has a warrant. It was expected due to her attempting to outsmart her 4x a day breathalyzer. She was 97 days sober before that incident. She knew, at probation, today that she would be arrested. The plans were to say goodbye to all....turn herself it. I took off work in the am.
She was to spend the night with me, last night, and for us to go to probation today....to turn herself in. She did not spend the night as I sensed, over the phone, that she was high. I told her to not come over.
This a.m. she texts that she will go in the afternoon (probation).
I told her that I loved her. Good luck. Text me when you are going in. I am not giving her a ride.
This a.m. my son contacts me for a ride to work. He has no money and no ride. Pretty much living in a hotel and running around; working construction. He is hard to keep up with but stops by my home, on occasion, for food/shower the last few days.
I say "sorry" to the son.
I took off work; showered; received (2) frustrating phone calls. I have pretty good boundaries but really still end up angry with times like these.
Just really wanted to vent!
My daughter has a warrant. It was expected due to her attempting to outsmart her 4x a day breathalyzer. She was 97 days sober before that incident. She knew, at probation, today that she would be arrested. The plans were to say goodbye to all....turn herself it. I took off work in the am.
She was to spend the night with me, last night, and for us to go to probation today....to turn herself in. She did not spend the night as I sensed, over the phone, that she was high. I told her to not come over.
This a.m. she texts that she will go in the afternoon (probation).
I told her that I loved her. Good luck. Text me when you are going in. I am not giving her a ride.
This a.m. my son contacts me for a ride to work. He has no money and no ride. Pretty much living in a hotel and running around; working construction. He is hard to keep up with but stops by my home, on occasion, for food/shower the last few days.
I say "sorry" to the son.
I took off work; showered; received (2) frustrating phone calls. I have pretty good boundaries but really still end up angry with times like these.
Just really wanted to vent!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
So one of the benefits of recovery is that our problems are manageable - not totally unavoidable.
(Our lives had become unmanageable, and we became irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.)
Well done Mom! I agree with Mountainmanbob - you sound like a nice mom...
Sojourner
(Our lives had become unmanageable, and we became irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.)
Well done Mom! I agree with Mountainmanbob - you sound like a nice mom...
Sojourner
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Thanks all....my daughter procrastinated and visited friends saying "goodbye." So much emotional drama. Both my kids came over...my son looked like a zombie and was very emotional. I was annoyed.
My daughter told me, when he was outside, "mom don't give him anything he is using bad." (meth)....I already knew. Today was his crash....he's been bopping around town like crazy-constantly working on who knows what. He is sore today as is feeling pain.
She went to probation much later today. Thought they were open til 7 pm....nope closed. I told her that I wasn't going another round. She needs to figure this out on her own.
My daughter told me, when he was outside, "mom don't give him anything he is using bad." (meth)....I already knew. Today was his crash....he's been bopping around town like crazy-constantly working on who knows what. He is sore today as is feeling pain.
She went to probation much later today. Thought they were open til 7 pm....nope closed. I told her that I wasn't going another round. She needs to figure this out on her own.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
(((((TX)))))). I feel your pain, your emotional drain and your sadness. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. 97 days clean. How sad. My son was over 90 as well when he relapsed his first time. Yeah it sucks big time, not going to lie.
I hope your daughter turns herself in tomorrow and things get taken care of and I pray your son wants to get clean. So much hurt, sorrow and pain. UGh. My heart hurts for you TX.
I hope your daughter turns herself in tomorrow and things get taken care of and I pray your son wants to get clean. So much hurt, sorrow and pain. UGh. My heart hurts for you TX.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This mama knows your pain. Having a front row seat to their addiction (and irresponsible behaviour) is the worse seat in the house. It took me several encores before I finally gave up my seat and left the theatre.
They will find their own way or not, regardless of how much you try to help. Sometimes it's like herding cats just to keep up with them.
Cut yourself a break and take another day off, just for you, to do something YOU enjoy doing, maybe some time with nature or just curled up reading a good book. Or check your area for meetings and grab yourself one...you just might find the peace you are looking for there.
Keeping you and your kids in my prayers. I had one child who was addicted...I cannot imagine how hard it must be having two.
Hugs
They will find their own way or not, regardless of how much you try to help. Sometimes it's like herding cats just to keep up with them.
Cut yourself a break and take another day off, just for you, to do something YOU enjoy doing, maybe some time with nature or just curled up reading a good book. Or check your area for meetings and grab yourself one...you just might find the peace you are looking for there.
Keeping you and your kids in my prayers. I had one child who was addicted...I cannot imagine how hard it must be having two.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by Ann 
This mama knows your pain. Having a front row seat to their addiction (and irresponsible behaviour) is the worse seat in the house. It took me several encores before I finally gave up my seat and left the theatre.
They will find their own way or not, regardless of how much you try to help. Cut yourself a break and take another day off, just for you, to do something YOU enjoy doing, maybe some time with nature or just curled up reading a good book. Or check your area for meetings and grab yourself one...you just might find the peace you are looking for there.
Keeping you and your kids in my prayers. I had one child who was addicted...I cannot imagine how hard it must be having two.
Hugs
They will find their own way or not, regardless of how much you try to help.
Sometimes it's like herding cats just to keep up with them.
Keeping you and your kids in my prayers. I had one child who was addicted...I cannot imagine how hard it must be having two.
Hugs
Momma, you are in our thoughts and prayers. Good for you, in being strong and not enabling. Its harder to do the right things.
hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
I though the same thing Chicory...."herding cats!"
My mom and I decided, last night, after probation was closed to let her know that she could not stay with us.
She said she completely understood. (my daughter)
Today, she had a court case scheduled for another charge from last year. She contacted me for the time. I said....call your attorney. Boy she still isn't quite there.
Overall, believe it or she isn't as crazy as last year!
My mom and I decided, last night, after probation was closed to let her know that she could not stay with us.
She said she completely understood. (my daughter)
Today, she had a court case scheduled for another charge from last year. She contacted me for the time. I said....call your attorney. Boy she still isn't quite there.
Overall, believe it or she isn't as crazy as last year!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
This was a good thread for me to read. It reinforced for me that I am making the right choices and decision around placing more distance between myself and my partner; his 23-year old daughter has been living with him for almost a year and she is a heroin addict. This has completely changed our relationship after having been together for many years. He continues to enable her despite what she does. This was a good read 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Soberclover I am so glad that this has helped a bit....
That's why I come to SR as I can take and give at the same time!!
My daughter turned herself into probation around 1:30 pm. She texted me prior and said how much she loved and was thankful for me. She called me, from jail, in the evening. She knew time was up..she had a court date yesterday at 2 pm. It would have made things worse.
She will be in jail for while until her court date. The judge will decide what to do but her probation officer will recommend inpatient via the legal system. She is locked up but has rehab through "the system." They have (2) programs and depending upon which one they choose...can last from 3-9 months. That is in addition to her jail time prior to court.
She will obviously get a real taste of what long term jail is like.
That's why I come to SR as I can take and give at the same time!!
My daughter turned herself into probation around 1:30 pm. She texted me prior and said how much she loved and was thankful for me. She called me, from jail, in the evening. She knew time was up..she had a court date yesterday at 2 pm. It would have made things worse.
She will be in jail for while until her court date. The judge will decide what to do but her probation officer will recommend inpatient via the legal system. She is locked up but has rehab through "the system." They have (2) programs and depending upon which one they choose...can last from 3-9 months. That is in addition to her jail time prior to court.
She will obviously get a real taste of what long term jail is like.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
This reminds me of some country song lyrics that really touched me when I was going through hard times (and normally I don't listen to country) - It's a son singing about his mom:
She said,son what's a momma to do?
I can save myself but I can't save you.
It goes on about how even though he's still drinking he understands.
She said,son what's a momma to do?
I can save myself but I can't save you.
It goes on about how even though he's still drinking he understands.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Thanks for sharing that song Aeryn...will attempt look it up.
I believe my children do understand.
My son is struggling without his sister-they are not healthy siblings when they are using. My daughter struggles to stay away, from her brother, when she is sober but often gets lured into the desperation of his calls. She realizes that it's not healthy.
Perhaps her present jailtime/rehab will be a chance to gain insight and disconnection from him while he is still using.
I believe my children do understand.
My son is struggling without his sister-they are not healthy siblings when they are using. My daughter struggles to stay away, from her brother, when she is sober but often gets lured into the desperation of his calls. She realizes that it's not healthy.
Perhaps her present jailtime/rehab will be a chance to gain insight and disconnection from him while he is still using.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Txhelp
They have (2) programs and depending upon which one they choose...can last from 3-9 months. That is in addition to her jail time prior to court.
She will obviously get a real taste of what long term jail is like.
hopefully she will learn a lot
regarding her condition
as I look back I see where
jail and treatment
were very good for me
MM
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