swowens50

My son has been asked by his wife to leave their home, 3 great kids and a smart, beautiful wife, that is a actually an alcoholic herself but handles it very well. he had been sober for five years when SHE started dabbling in social drinking. I think this opened the door for him and he went all the way!! He just got out of a short rehab, and 1 week later got locked up for fighting at a bar. Now he has no home, I gave him money so he could live till his next pay check. I guess I'm actually resentful toward his wife for not loving him enough to quit drinking herself and kicking him out of the house that belongs to both. My heart is so broken for him and his family, I am depressed, and I really just need someone to help me figure out how I need to react to him and her?? Please help me!!!

Croissant

Hi swowens. Welcome to the forum and I hope you find lots of resources here.

It's natural to care for your son, but blaming his wife will not help him. You say she is an alcoholic and she should love him enough to stop? If that was the case, and love was all it took, then why is your son drinking again and risking everything - shouldn't his love for his children make him not drink? (If applying your logic.)

This is hard to say, but the truth is, he has his own life issues and problems in his marriage that he has to fix for himself. I think it's very unfair to put all the blame on his wife. He is the one who picked up. If it was that hard being around her drink and she wouldn't stop, then HE could have left the marriage.

swowens50

and yes, all that you state is probably right, I just am so hurt for their family that My thoughts are grasping at straws. Is it normal for me to be so depressed about this, I did look up locations and times for the AL anon meetings close by. by all means please speak the truth to me!!! Thanks so much for responding!!!!

needingabreak

Hi Swowen and welcome to the forum. Watching a child self destruct is one of the hardest things to face. My 30 yr old son is a recovering opiate addict. When I found out I was devastated. I couldn't believe he would do drugs and asked him how it even started. His "friend" offered him oxy. Of course I was at first very angry and blamed her (in my mind) but then reality check time came and I had to admit to myself no one made him take it and no one made him take the next one or all the others that followed. He stupidly made those choices himself.
Did your son's wife 's drinking help him stumble? Quite possibly, but he is in control of his own decisions. Right now, the best thing you can do for him is be supportive for getting clean, listen but do not give him anything that helps him continue on in his addiction. Let him know he can stop this and make his life better, that his choices led to this. I hope things turn around for him and he wants to stop the drinking. You cannot worry what will happen with their home. That is what they have lawyers for. Let him know his children always should come first and never talk bad about their mother. That just makes things worse. Remember, the only person's actions he can control are his own.