Listen, listen, listen - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-15-2014, 11:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 9

Listen, listen, listen


I've said my prayer for the day. I'm not even going to text,msg,or call to see where my boyfriends head is at today...we had an argument over money and he feels since he has lost everything he should just save his money, continue to work his program at home and tack on clean days....I have no problem with most of his plan but I do feel he should contribute to the household where he stays.... I was torn between an encouraging text or one that stated I know you get pd today, if you use we can not be or live together....it's hard finding the correct things to say...so I just listen....am I wrong?
dreadsgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to dreadsgirl For This Useful Post:
Ann (05-15-2014), chicory (05-16-2014), Lara (05-16-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-15-2014, 11:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 18,091
I think he should pay his way.

He's an adult, he needs to act like one IMO.
__________________
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.
~ Isak Dinesen
biminiblue is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
Ann (05-15-2014), chicory (05-16-2014), lablife (05-16-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-15-2014, 12:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,292
what he is doing is called FREE LOADING. it's not your job to pay for the roof over his head, the electricty, water, garbage, cable, whatever while he gets to "save" HIS money. especially when it sounds like he pretty much saves it until he can get drugs......
AnvilheadII is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to AnvilheadII For This Useful Post:
Ann (05-15-2014), Chibi (05-15-2014), desertgirl (05-15-2014), dreadsgirl (05-16-2014), interrupted (05-16-2014), lablife (05-16-2014), Sungrl (05-15-2014), Txhelp (05-15-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-15-2014, 09:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Chibi's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Mass
Posts: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
what he is doing is called FREE LOADING. it's not your job to pay for the roof over his head, the electricty, water, garbage, cable, whatever while he gets to "save" HIS money. especially when it sounds like he pretty much saves it until he can get drugs......
I agree 100%. This serves several purposes.
It helps with the making of amends.
It reinforces that adult behavior includes responsibility.
It takes some of the burden off of you. I am sure you were stuck with more than your fair share of bills when he was using.
It will give you some extra money to put away for an emergency.
Chibi is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Chibi For This Useful Post:
dreadsgirl (05-16-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-16-2014, 04:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
chicory's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 12,363
Blog Entries: 1
Dreadsgirl,

If he is staying with you, you have to decide your boundaries. If you are not willing to throw him out, for not helping financially, then it is better to detach, as you are doing.

If you are trying to keep him from using, though, that is futile. Keeping money out of his pocket probably wont make a difference, if he wants to use.

If you and he have any kind of working relationship, he should contribute, if he lives there. I assume he has a job, since he got paid? Or maybe he lost that job, since you said he says he has lost everything?

regardless, I think its good that you do not try to find where his head is at. Thats his job, to get his self well. You take care of you. And that means having boundaries.

best of luck to both of you.
chicory is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to chicory For This Useful Post:
dreadsgirl (05-16-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-16-2014, 08:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 9
I would like to thank everyone who has responded..I definitely am coming to understand I can not control if he uses or not....but it is understood that behavior is unacceptable in my house....I have read countless post about people who have been supportive and help their addictive loved one..and those with the addiction have causes havoc.....I know only God can turn this situation around.....have a blessed day
dreadsgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dreadsgirl For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-17-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-16-2014, 01:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,279
He is a man and can pay his way in the world.
If that sounds too unfair, you can put diapers on him
and have him subject to your dictates---otherwise known
as CHILDHOOD.

YOUR money: Bills--- Shelter, food, transportation, medical, etc, etc, etc.
HIS money: dope.

Stare at those two statements for awhile.
Vale is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Vale For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-17-2014)
Old 05-16-2014, 01:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
☀️⛳️
 
Stoogy's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,511
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreadsgirl View Post
I've said my prayer for the day. I'm not even going to text,msg,or call to see where my boyfriends head is at today...we had an argument over money and he feels since he has lost everything he should just save his money, continue to work his program at home and tack on clean days....I have no problem with most of his plan but I do feel he should contribute to the household where he stays.... I was torn between an encouraging text or one that stated I know you get pd today, if you use we can not be or live together....it's hard finding the correct things to say...so I just listen....am I wrong?

Totally agree with the others here, Bills come before thrills.
__________________
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

Carpe Diem.
Stoogy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stoogy For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-17-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Old 05-16-2014, 03:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 9
Ahahaha vale that was the funniest thing I just read...I needed that
dreadsgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dreadsgirl For This Useful Post:
chicory (05-17-2014), Vale (05-16-2014)
Reply

Tags
boyfriend in recovery , listen , love , money , question


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:29 AM.