Sorry for my novel....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 76
Sorry for my novel....
I am having a really hard time this week. I'm going to call it what it is, but my SO has full on relapsed. He's back to daily use and the same old excuses of "Its hard to quit, I don't want to be sick at work." I know how stupid it sounds, but I didn't want to see it, so of course, I didn't.
Yesterday I found out that he stole $60 from me. I told him not to come home and to find somewhere else to stay. By the time I got home from my NarAnon meeting, he was already there and in bed. I wish I was ready to be more headstrong about this. Living with an addict when you are 7 months pregnant is horrible. I barely sleep and I just feel stressed and worried all the time. And the worst part is, I can't afford my rent by myself, so I'm really between a rock and a hard place right now. For now, he's helping pay bills, but who's to say he won't lose his job or start spending bill money soon? I drive him to work, so who's going to take him if I kick him out? Now, before you start telling me about myself, listen: the logical part of me says, "Get a grip. He obviously finds a way to go get dope. I'm sure he'll find a way to get to work." I know this. Buuuut, you know that when you love someone, it is hard to shut off your feelings and be logical. It's not a flaw- It's amazing to me that I still have the capacity to love someone, even when I feel completely destroyed emotionally and even when they are not lovable. It isn't helpful in the least bit, it makes everything 100% harder, but I don't believe it's a completely bad thing either. I'll have to gather up some sand and do something here soon, but today isn't that day.
My NarAnon meeting was interesting. I haven't been there in close to a year and only saw 2 familiar faces. I met a girl who is dealing with about the same thing with her husband. It was nice to talk to people who can relate and who won't judge you when you have a weak moment. It's awfully hard to admit you aren't doing your addict any favors by catering to their needs, also. I feel like I'm back at step 1 with NarAnon...I'm back to wondering "Is my life really unmanageable?" Yes. Wake up. It absolutely is.
He told me he made an appointment with a counselor tomorrow and a suboxone clinic down here, but once again, I'll believe it when I see it. The clinics around here have waiting lists because there is so much drug use where we live. Even if he does make an appointment to get suboxone, it will be quite a while before anything starts happening. And as everyone knows, it's no guarantee that it will help. He still takes my car while I'm sleeping, steals from me, lies and I'm just really disappointed in him. I know that addiction is an illness and I shouldn't take it personally, but it makes me feel like he really doesn't care about the fact that we are about to have a baby. I know that's not all true, but it feels that way. When they are using, they don't care about anything. Why is this still a shock to me?
I just want to go back to bed!
Yesterday I found out that he stole $60 from me. I told him not to come home and to find somewhere else to stay. By the time I got home from my NarAnon meeting, he was already there and in bed. I wish I was ready to be more headstrong about this. Living with an addict when you are 7 months pregnant is horrible. I barely sleep and I just feel stressed and worried all the time. And the worst part is, I can't afford my rent by myself, so I'm really between a rock and a hard place right now. For now, he's helping pay bills, but who's to say he won't lose his job or start spending bill money soon? I drive him to work, so who's going to take him if I kick him out? Now, before you start telling me about myself, listen: the logical part of me says, "Get a grip. He obviously finds a way to go get dope. I'm sure he'll find a way to get to work." I know this. Buuuut, you know that when you love someone, it is hard to shut off your feelings and be logical. It's not a flaw- It's amazing to me that I still have the capacity to love someone, even when I feel completely destroyed emotionally and even when they are not lovable. It isn't helpful in the least bit, it makes everything 100% harder, but I don't believe it's a completely bad thing either. I'll have to gather up some sand and do something here soon, but today isn't that day.
My NarAnon meeting was interesting. I haven't been there in close to a year and only saw 2 familiar faces. I met a girl who is dealing with about the same thing with her husband. It was nice to talk to people who can relate and who won't judge you when you have a weak moment. It's awfully hard to admit you aren't doing your addict any favors by catering to their needs, also. I feel like I'm back at step 1 with NarAnon...I'm back to wondering "Is my life really unmanageable?" Yes. Wake up. It absolutely is.
He told me he made an appointment with a counselor tomorrow and a suboxone clinic down here, but once again, I'll believe it when I see it. The clinics around here have waiting lists because there is so much drug use where we live. Even if he does make an appointment to get suboxone, it will be quite a while before anything starts happening. And as everyone knows, it's no guarantee that it will help. He still takes my car while I'm sleeping, steals from me, lies and I'm just really disappointed in him. I know that addiction is an illness and I shouldn't take it personally, but it makes me feel like he really doesn't care about the fact that we are about to have a baby. I know that's not all true, but it feels that way. When they are using, they don't care about anything. Why is this still a shock to me?
I just want to go back to bed!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Is there any way you can stash your money away somewhere he won't find it...and maybe a little extra for if you need an exit plan down the road?
I understand your situation, you rely on him financially right now, but maybe look at ways to support yourself once your baby is born.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your baby, try to work through the stress and keep yourself healthy right now, for you and your baby too.
Hugs
I understand your situation, you rely on him financially right now, but maybe look at ways to support yourself once your baby is born.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your baby, try to work through the stress and keep yourself healthy right now, for you and your baby too.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I so agree with Ann!
Everything does not have to be right now. Make an exit plan and take baby steps towards those goals.
Tight hugs. Please take care of yourself and your baby, he or she needs you to be healthy during this time!
XXX
Everything does not have to be right now. Make an exit plan and take baby steps towards those goals.
Tight hugs. Please take care of yourself and your baby, he or she needs you to be healthy during this time!
XXX
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
It is so much easier for people to tell you to up and leave but not so easy when you need the money and have a baby on the way. I get it. I agree with Hopeful4 and Ann.
1) HIDE YOUR MONEY and give NO access to it in the bank!
@) Start thinking of ways to make sure you and the baby are protected financially.
Also do you have any family members of good friends around for help or support? A church? It takes time and planning to figure out what will be best.
I hope you continue with your meetings. It helps to have others who understand and can give good advice. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. HUGS
1) HIDE YOUR MONEY and give NO access to it in the bank!
@) Start thinking of ways to make sure you and the baby are protected financially.
Also do you have any family members of good friends around for help or support? A church? It takes time and planning to figure out what will be best.
I hope you continue with your meetings. It helps to have others who understand and can give good advice. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. HUGS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 76
I am working on saving some money and I made sure my bank account was secure. Im really trying to get some type of plan together for if/when things go really sour. Im just getting back into nar anon and making some connections there. They have a kind of sister group they are collaborating with starting in june that is affiliated with a church so I am going to look into attending those meetings also once they start. Thank you all for being a source of support for me right now; your kind words mean a lot to me. im pulling my hair out trying to get ready for the baby and it just feels good to have some encouragement, especially since im not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life. I will have plenty of help for the baby once he is here, now I just need to save and plan. Wish me luck xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Mass
Posts: 25
BlueBones, you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Right now get that plan going. Stress is not good for you and the baby, and you deserve to enjoy this special time (pregnancy). I always feel better when I have a plan B, or even a C. Stay strong!
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
My AH has insurance, has a doctor, has 3 doctors, has a car, has a NICE job (considering his criminal record), HAD a house (i just kicked him out) and he is on suboxone. He is still using, now shooting Heroin and uses suboxone not to feel withdraw. He has destroyed me financially and currently driving a car that is on my name with a $24k loan on my name, which he just crashed yesterday. He stole my LAST money yesterday.
Hide your stuff, hide your money, nothing is safe, you cannot trust someone in active addiction. Period.
Hide your stuff, hide your money, nothing is safe, you cannot trust someone in active addiction. Period.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
I'm starting to feel as if it never ends when it comes to dealing with a significant other addicted to opiates. I have been on this hellish rollercoaster ride with my bf addicted to oxys/opiates as well. Without a doubt he relapsed tonight and I plan on packing his things. Good to hear your attending support groups. I need to find my way to one as well.
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