LoveMeNow

Hi Lara, I really don't know the answer to these questions yet. I suspect I will never really know the first, nor do I want to. I never really asked because it won't change anything except probably make me feel worse. I knew he took pain pills, had a legal prescription, etc, but I never paid too much attention to it because I had no idea where it could lead to. I was very naive about addiction, obviously. I also thought I could control it and believed I had made him stop at one point. It was the end of May, beginning of June 2012, that he decided to check out NA/AA and work on his own recovery.

In February (?), he finally threw in the towel, started drinking, stopped going to meetings, I knew he was going to spiral down and I could no longer be a part of it. It wasn't easy, it has been very painful, but I just kept telling myself.....I deserved better. I miss and love him still, but I can't love him enough to want to change. BUT, I can love myself enough to want to change and that is where I am putting my focus for today, one day at a time.

Lara

HI... yes we do forget the times - and certainly sugarcoat it - it has only been 15 months - not two years...

Lara

Lovemenow - thank you for sharing your painful journey - I pray you find peace - and that the days get easier....

lightseeker

Lara,

I'm so sorry about the latest edition of your story. I definitely understand the heartache. I left my ex husband 3 years. I, too, thought that we had the fairy tale and that together were going to walk off into the sunset. Not so much.

Your update reminded me that addiction is a progressive disease and that recovery is something that must be reckoned with on a daily basis - and even then, it it tenuous.

I've learned a lot along the way....how much that "great love" was addictive to me and then....how incredibly difficult it was for me to "get clean" and stay clean (ie no contact, move on with my life, permanently close the door on that relationship).

I did not have children with this man but did expose children from a previous marriage to him. I cannot tell you how much happier they have been with my ex out of their lives. I only regret putting them through it at all. I don't care how great a love it is/was....my kids suffered from the experience. I've spent the last 3 years making amends to them and will continue to do that for the rest of my life.

Anyway.....I am sorry for the pain and broken dreams. It is so painful......

dogged

i know its hard..keep god close. he will help u get hrough this..mine did the same thing about a week ago..i. am done...i cant keep going thru this crap anymore..they had it good snd they didnt appreciate what we had to offer..what comes around goes around..i feel something is going to happen and god wants me out of the way...to protect me. thats what i tell myself..its so hard to wrap your head around all the lies and deciet and manipulation....i take it one day at a time..its hard not to call him after9yrs...and some days i feel strong and the next i will have a meltdown...take it one day at a time..u. will see the liight at the end of the tunnel...take care..we deserve so much better

Lara

Hi friends of SR
Just needed to re-read this thread - it is 2 years later - and nothing has changed!

Frightening!!

God Bless you all

Vale

Dear Lara,
One of the reasons we come here is that people here have looked the
devil in the eye and UNDERSTAND what is terribly difficult/impossible for
a 'normie' to grasp.
Like veterans of a long ago foreign war. Who could POSSIBLY understand
who wasn't there?
Wishing you peace, fellow traveler.