LoveMeNow

I need some help here. Just a little.....lol

Why am I struggling so hard with blocking him? I delete his texts without a response yet I still can't seem to fully block him. It feels wrong and I don't know why.

Sometimes, I think I still worry about him, other times I think I am just curious, other times it feels mean but I am ignoring him anyway.

What the heck is my problem? On this subject.

Ps. I have no desire to try and fix or rescue. I am past that but the thought of blocking him....just doesn't feel right yet.

Raider

I don't know. Feelings are strange aren't they. Stay true Honey.

Vale

We feel what we feel. Not what we are supposed to feel.
Humans (me included) do stupid things when our "feelings"
take over our cortex.

Things we KNOW will destroy us.........we do anyway.

( Just like addicts, but without the biochemistry excuse to hide behind)

JUST DO IT!

(nice slogan to sell athletic shoes-----really,REALLY bad as a life strategy)

Lara

Because you are human. And you love.

Croissant

Your post sounds like our relationship with alcohol. We know it isn't good or healthy for us....but it's a source of comfort, our "go to".

Before I was a drinker, long before....I was married to a man addicted to prescription drugs, opiates and misused alcohol. I briefly saw a psychologist to deal with some of the things you mention. I wanted to engage with him, but knew it was wrong or would damage me more because the exchange would never be what I'd hoped for.

She encouraged me to write a journal. Write out my conversations with him....it did bring relief in time. Not only that, it served as a diary of how much pain I'd been in and I didn't want to go back to that. I found it really helpful, and still do now.

Croissant

To clarify..That was years ago, I don't journal over him now! But I so find journalling helpful in getting my feelings out, particularly when it's not useful for me to directly engage with a person.

Also, I understand pining for human contact is different. I just meant that feeling of wanting something you know is no darn good for you.

sojourner

Nature abhors a vacuum. When you block him, you have created a vacuum that needs to be filled up. Try filling it up with other, better things - 60 seconds a time at first and then you may find you can extend the time to 90 seconds without thinking about the problem!! Sit-ups, Sudoko, sorting the laundry - anything!!

Ann

If blocking him makes you uncomfortable, then don't block him. But maybe pay attention to your body's response when you read a text or listen to a message. If it upsets you or makes you angry or hooks you back to sadness...then you will know that blocking is the right thing to do. If you feel some kind of relief because it means he is still alive, then don't block.

We move at our own pace here, you know the drill and have the tools to decide what is best for you.

Just pay attention to what triggers you and what brings you peace. You will know the difference.

Hugs

Bullfrog

Here's one thing I did that might help you... I can't block because we share kids together and I need communication lines when they are with him. In fact, I even had to organize the texts in case I needed them for legal purposes.

In doing so, I had to reread them while slightly separated from the initial contact. Kind of fresh eyes. Suddenly, I saw patterns emerging and blatant attempts at manipulation and control. Basically, reading them again as a whole actually HELPED me see how abuse and nuts he is. Now when new texts come in (don't get me wrong-- they still get under my skin and hurt), I am often able to say, "oh, he's in the poor me stage" or "here comes the wrath. Guess it's anger time."

Maybe let go by taking by facing it head on.

incitingsilence

Do you have to block him to go on with life? Do you need to in order to?

If you don’t, then you don’t.
If you do, then you do.

Your problem, well you are human, it is an awesome "condition", well most days!

hopeful4

You will when you are ready, and that's ok too. Your emoations don't change overnight my friend, it takes time!

XXX

zoso77

Ask yourself what's easier, blocking him or continuing to deal with him and everything that he brings.

For me, when the end came with my AXGF, blocking was easy and automatic. When I've had enough with something (or someone), I've had enough. When there are people in your life that cause you emotional distress, you do what you have to do to protect yourself.

Even if it doesn't feel "right", it is right.

ZoSo

AnvilheadII

well - if you do block him, then how will you know if he keeps trying to contact you??? the ego kinda likes that....being chased, wanted, pursued, begged....well mine sure does!

Vale

Changing my phone # was a big step.
But before I did it---- I wanted to be
sure she could not separate it from
a tech error....so I tried it first on a
friend who had just changed their number.
The text msgs went to ether---no hurtful
"You have been blocked" msg.
God knows SHE went through about 30
phone numbers during the time we interacted
( an addict MO if there ever was one!).....so it
didn't seem a stretch.

Fade to black.No drama. No caterwauling
or knashing of teeth. SR taught me that.

Just gone.

I am not in any way suggesting that this is an
appropriate mode for a long term marriage. I just
sensed it was not something I could do 95%. It was
all in or all out.

LoveMeNow

That was the case a while ago but not today. In fact, I find his texts insulting because of how manipulative they are. But they do not cause me any real distress or anxiety. They are a reminder of who he has become and I don't want that person in my life.

It has to do with obligation and guilt, I think. Or maybe, I haven't really accepted or got comfortable with the idea that he is becoming someone "I used to know."

Some people find this weird but i didn't care. I am still good friends with my college boyfriend of 3 years. We were best friends before we started dating, and although it took some time after the break up, we became close again. I love him dearly as a friend or like a brother. He has visited me several times and my husband and he became good friends too. They golfed together, went out for a couple of beers, etc.....I wasn't even invited, lol. I also got along good with my husbands ex, mostly because of the kids, until....she became unbearable. Despite it all, she has still called me and tried to friend me on FB. I declined because she hasn't changed a bit and that's not a good thing.

cece1960

Just a thought: When I am no contact with my son ( as I am now) I sometimes stress over when and how he will manage to to reach me whether I want him to or not. At times I feel the need to know what to expect and when.

AnvilheadII

LMN, after we got thru the first 2 years of break up, my 1st ex and I DID remain close and good friends, even after I remarried. most of our interactions were around renee, but not always.

so when I left my 2nd ex I thought for sure we could also follow that model and remain "friends." except.....he didn't want to have much to do with me and my life after the fact. not to be mean, just not interested. I asked him when I moved out if he wanted to know where my apt was or come by and see it and he said quite simply NOPE.

he did reach out to me a few years ago when his wife (he had remarried, #4) was diagnosed with a certain type of breast cancer - as I work at a renowned research center and he wanted some qualified advice. but since then? nothing. and that's ok....he gets to choose how he lives his life, not me.

story74

LOVE. We love them. We have compassion and empathy.

It is REALLY hard to let go. I thought I had, but then I struggled with it again.

If someone was walking down the street and about to get hit by a car would one watch, or try to help. I think it is compassion and love for humanity.

It isn't easy.

Lara

This is so so true - never thought of it like this "nature abhors a vacuum" - well stated