Love lost,numb
 

My axbf left a recovery program today...he called me to pick him up but he had already used. I told him he could not come home. He called all morning until I took him his check. I told him I will no longer bail him out or help him manage his money. Since last July he has ruined every holiday with his addiction. I have recently learned that my trying to help him actually has not. I am working on no longer being codependant. We just started a business together, however his addiction was strong. He claimed he was working his steps...Before I saw him this morning I prayed to my God. Although it's not the answer I wanted I must live my life...so I type this feeling numb....the day before mother's day...again

It's not easy to say no more. It's not easy.

Good luck.

Thank you KeepinitReal....no it is not

Hi dreads, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is very hard to stop behaviors we have had for long periods of time but it can be done. A positive is you realize you were being codependent and wish to stop.
Because he left the program it shows his unwillingness to stop using. You need to do what is best for yourself and move forward. Can your business survive without his input? Personally I wouldn't have even brought him the check. Please keep coming here as you will find so much understanding, caring, supportive people who want to help. Don't ever give up. You can get through this. It's not easy but you can do it with many here supporting and guiding you, it will help so much! HUGS

Thank you @needingabreak....I only took the check because he called from his counselors office before my visit....but I even think he could have been lying then.....yes my business can survive without him but at this moment I don't have the drive to make it work.....I've become angry because I feel robbed......he was a different man when we met and he was clean......I feel angry because he is rude to my family and blames me/them for his relapse....I just listen when he talks.....not when he is rude but when he is thinking out loud....I spend slot of time on here and praying

Be strong, Dreadsgirl. You are a woman of faith. So can you turn it over to God, and move forward with YOUR life? Sounds like its been a long time since you felt peace.

hugs

I am totally working on letting go and letting God.....