Cycles of Life....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Cycles of Life....
It's been a while since I've been here. I seem to come and go. I lurk a bit. (A lot, actually.) Most of the time, others seem to have better to say than I, so I simply absorb.
My story (quick and dirty). Husband recovering meth addict. Been sober for 6 years. (We had our 7th anniversary.) A few slip-ups in there. Thousands of dollars in dental bills. His brain is still "rewiring" according to his doctor. Some battles with depression (and antidepressants).
Our marriage almost didn't survive. Even in sobriety, we almost didn't survive. How do you be a "recovering couple?" What does that look like? I still don't know, only that we work hard to figure it out. We stumble. We've been in marriage counseling for a while and making very good progress. I'm hopeful that we'll make it. So is he.
The last thing I want to do is say, "OH! Look at me. WE DID IT. YAY FOR US." It's a struggle. A battle. I don't think he'll use again, but one never knows. You just never know and you have to live with that for the rest of your life. There's a price.
And the last thing I want to do is give "casual" hope, to tell people, "It WILL get better for you and your spouse/love/partner," because I don't know that. I only know about my own relationship and while it's going okay, there's always that "what if" factor.
The thing is, just when you think you've got life by the reins, you get thrown off again. By something else. By someone else. My mother passed a few months ago. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. My family is grieving. We're hurt and angry and upset. My younger brother is trying to drink himself into oblivion. My older brother is right behind him. (I know this isn't the alcohol area, but it's a mixture of drugs/liquor, so perhaps it's okay here.)
It's that feeling in your gut again. That hurt. That desire to "fix" and "help" and make peace.
Three weeks ago, my recovering husband lost his cousin. She drank herself to death. (Was so bad that she was brown. Not yellow due to liver issues, but brown.) Six months before that, my husband lost his best friend to alcohol and prescription drug abuse.
So much grief. So much that you begin to get sick of it. Weary.
We're hanging in there. But it's a lot. Maybe someone out there could send some good mojo my way. Prayers. Whatever you call it.
Thank you for reading.
Sending light and love to all who are in dark places, sitting at a computer in the middle of the night, looking for a little comfort. You are not alone.
My story (quick and dirty). Husband recovering meth addict. Been sober for 6 years. (We had our 7th anniversary.) A few slip-ups in there. Thousands of dollars in dental bills. His brain is still "rewiring" according to his doctor. Some battles with depression (and antidepressants).
Our marriage almost didn't survive. Even in sobriety, we almost didn't survive. How do you be a "recovering couple?" What does that look like? I still don't know, only that we work hard to figure it out. We stumble. We've been in marriage counseling for a while and making very good progress. I'm hopeful that we'll make it. So is he.
The last thing I want to do is say, "OH! Look at me. WE DID IT. YAY FOR US." It's a struggle. A battle. I don't think he'll use again, but one never knows. You just never know and you have to live with that for the rest of your life. There's a price.
And the last thing I want to do is give "casual" hope, to tell people, "It WILL get better for you and your spouse/love/partner," because I don't know that. I only know about my own relationship and while it's going okay, there's always that "what if" factor.
The thing is, just when you think you've got life by the reins, you get thrown off again. By something else. By someone else. My mother passed a few months ago. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. My family is grieving. We're hurt and angry and upset. My younger brother is trying to drink himself into oblivion. My older brother is right behind him. (I know this isn't the alcohol area, but it's a mixture of drugs/liquor, so perhaps it's okay here.)
It's that feeling in your gut again. That hurt. That desire to "fix" and "help" and make peace.
Three weeks ago, my recovering husband lost his cousin. She drank herself to death. (Was so bad that she was brown. Not yellow due to liver issues, but brown.) Six months before that, my husband lost his best friend to alcohol and prescription drug abuse.
So much grief. So much that you begin to get sick of it. Weary.
We're hanging in there. But it's a lot. Maybe someone out there could send some good mojo my way. Prayers. Whatever you call it.
Thank you for reading.
Sending light and love to all who are in dark places, sitting at a computer in the middle of the night, looking for a little comfort. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
So much tragic loss for your family to endure. Im especially sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and how your brothers are responding. My heart goes out to you, and I will send up prayers for all of your family this evening.
My husband has two years in recovery; there's always that chance of relapse - so true. But we cant stop living and loving....and having faith and hope for the future.
I hate addiction and how it destroys life. Im so sorry the darkness of addiction has taken so many that you love. I hope the tides turn, and more light comes into your world very soon.
My husband has two years in recovery; there's always that chance of relapse - so true. But we cant stop living and loving....and having faith and hope for the future.
I hate addiction and how it destroys life. Im so sorry the darkness of addiction has taken so many that you love. I hope the tides turn, and more light comes into your world very soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
ZombieWife,
I am sorry for your losses. I hope you are doing alright. Its good to see you post-hadn't seen you here for a while.
Sending prayers, that things get better, and that you find peace, and that joy fills your life, to help push out some of the worries.
take care.
I am sorry for your losses. I hope you are doing alright. Its good to see you post-hadn't seen you here for a while.
Sending prayers, that things get better, and that you find peace, and that joy fills your life, to help push out some of the worries.
take care.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
So sorry to hear of all the loss. It's difficult to go through that and particularly to see its impact on loved ones. I'm glad you have checked in and it's good to know that your husband and your marriage are both progressing. PhD - wow- impressive!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Life is so difficult and add addiction it's x10 worse!
Grieving for our love ones that are lost in their addiction or have loss to their addiction is so surreal. I imagine you ask yourself "when will it stop?"
I know that is something I ask myself.
I try to stay in the present and pray a lot. I try to detach with love and allow others to live their life as they see fit! UGH! Sometimes it is crazy to watch a car crash and then add love/emotional ties is can really break you down.
No easy answers. I am impressed at the hard work that you and your husband have chosen to do. You must really mean a great deal to each other!
Grieving for our love ones that are lost in their addiction or have loss to their addiction is so surreal. I imagine you ask yourself "when will it stop?"
I know that is something I ask myself.
I try to stay in the present and pray a lot. I try to detach with love and allow others to live their life as they see fit! UGH! Sometimes it is crazy to watch a car crash and then add love/emotional ties is can really break you down.
No easy answers. I am impressed at the hard work that you and your husband have chosen to do. You must really mean a great deal to each other!
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