Letter from rehab
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 117
Letter from rehab
My daughter received a letter from her ex-fiancé who is now in rehab. The letter was dated five days after her entered treatment. She admitted that she hoped he would be apologetic. Instead, he turned it on her and how she needed to let go of all the bitterness and anger. Said he learned that in rehab. There was no acknowledgement of the things he did to cause anger and bitterness. The only thing close to "amends" was the admission that he "had everything and was a fool to let his disease allow him to loose it all". The rest of the letter was about the place where he's staying...disorganized, not enough workers, etc. Is this normal? I honestly thought five days in was not near enough time for there to be a difference in him. Made sense to me that it would be his same old BS.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree, rehab, meetings and recovery have one thing in common...they don't blame others for their poor choices and bad behaviour.
That's a red flag that recovery isn't in place. He's new in rehab so it's to be expected right now. Maybe stand back and see how he expresses himself in a month.
The "rehab told me to..." is just a copout and rarely the truth.
Hugs
That's a red flag that recovery isn't in place. He's new in rehab so it's to be expected right now. Maybe stand back and see how he expresses himself in a month.
The "rehab told me to..." is just a copout and rarely the truth.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Chino ... yes, I agree!
One good thing though, my daughter expressed a desire to return to the NA family meetings. I really think she needs to do that. She quit going because she felt that was putting the focus on the addict. After everything she's been through she needs to get help to put the pieces back together. She has maintained some very firm boundaries but I worry about her emotional health.
One good thing though, my daughter expressed a desire to return to the NA family meetings. I really think she needs to do that. She quit going because she felt that was putting the focus on the addict. After everything she's been through she needs to get help to put the pieces back together. She has maintained some very firm boundaries but I worry about her emotional health.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I got a letter from my brother once when he was in treatment. It was the only one that he sent me as far as I know. It went on and on how he did not want help. He was being forced into treatment. He blamed our parents. He was in a pity party because he could not come home for Christmas because there was not enough time to finish the 28 days that the treatment required.
He wanted me to know the "real" truth of why he was not coming home soon. It went on and on.
I still have this letter. It is 31 year old. He never completed treatment and was dead a year later.
They do not see it. They will not see it until they are ready. When and if they are ready they will have to do it alone. You can support but you cannot do it for them.
It is sad but it is a fact. I have seen a few people in treatment take the advice to "let it go" or "let it out" to mean they need to tell all the people in their lives what they have done to wrong them.
They do not understand it is meant the other way around. That you have to look at yourself and see the things you have done, see your side of the anger and resentment.
I hope she gets some help and understands that it is not her fault.
He wanted me to know the "real" truth of why he was not coming home soon. It went on and on.
I still have this letter. It is 31 year old. He never completed treatment and was dead a year later.
They do not see it. They will not see it until they are ready. When and if they are ready they will have to do it alone. You can support but you cannot do it for them.
It is sad but it is a fact. I have seen a few people in treatment take the advice to "let it go" or "let it out" to mean they need to tell all the people in their lives what they have done to wrong them.
They do not understand it is meant the other way around. That you have to look at yourself and see the things you have done, see your side of the anger and resentment.
I hope she gets some help and understands that it is not her fault.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 117
Another letter yesterday...seemed better than the first. Still, his words have no value with us just need to see some action. In my opinion, the true test will be what his plan is after leaving rehab. He has no place to live and no family that will allow him to live with them (even if he stays clean) and he is certainly not coming back to our house. I hope he goes to a sober living home but if he gets out after 30 days, gets his Dad to set him up in an apartment, and gets another server job that will say it all.
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