My sister, her "man", and a child
 

I want to start by saying I'm a recovering addict - I'm 5 months clean on May 4th. I've been in and out of active addiction with various drugs (cocaine and pills primarily) since I was about 19-20, and I'm now 25.

My sister and her "man" are both still in active addiction. My sister's been making promises to slow down since New Years, and every time push comes to shove she says "well I was stressed" etc etc and uses events or her the fact her "boyfriend" uses as excuses. I know what excuses are, I used to make them up as I went along too, LOL.

The part I'm concerned about is that they have a 5-year old daughter. Standing from a distance they look like a good family. However, obviously as an addict you can't be a responsible parent. She's late for pre-school almost every day. I had to help set up a dentist appt for my niece. My sister focuses more on her "boyfriend" (I believe she's codependent), and often my niece looks to me for attention. Her "boyfriend" has been jobless for awhile, has no desire to work, and is basically sleeping on couches here and there. She was supposed to be gradually cutting down, but we realized by the evidence in her room that she's not.

My sister right now weighs about 100 pounds (stands 5'4). She says she doesn't eat because of stress. I'll give her kudos for keeping up with housework and laundry, but it's only because of the pills. We're both adult children of an alcoholic (my dad), and I'm worried my niece is going to suffer the similar fate.

Anyone else have a similar experience?? I'm totally lost as to what to do.

Hi PlasticInsanity, welcome to SR! The support here is awesome, I hope you'll settle in and soak up the experience, strength and hope.

Way to go on 5 months clean time! That is truly fantastic! I am ACOA (alcoholic father), AA (recovering alcoholic 16 yrs), and my son is a recovering addict with a five year old. So your post really spoke to me on many levels. I know I will find myself thinking of you and your niece and your sister and will keep you all in my prayers.

The best thing you can do for your sister, imho, is to make your recovery the first and highest priority. And it is also the best thing you can do for your niece. But most importantly for yourself!!! Your niece is blessed to have you being there for her - to show love, and attention, and caring - I am still dealing with the fact that my parents weren't able to give me these things (all those many years ago!) but I do remember my aunt and a neighbor really looking out for me.

I am so glad you have chosen a better life for yourself! Keep your focus on your program and living the best life you can and I believe your HP will lead you. Being a loving presence for your niece is a wonderful gift you are giving to her. I have many concerns for my granddaughter and since I have been working a new program of recovery from codependency with help in alanon I find the tools I gain, and have gained in other programs, help me to help her in very subtle but I believe powerful ways. I cherish her and let her know that. We have a deep trust between us. We talk, constantly! These are things I did not have as a child in a dysfunctional family and I think they may be coping tools for her that could break the cycle.....

Didn't mean to ramble but like I said, I can relate! Sending good thoughts your way and hope to hear more of your journey. We learn so much from each other here. Never underestimate that reaching out for help not only lifts you up, but it lifts others up as well...

Welcome...

Hello PlasticINsanity. Welcome!

Congrats on your five months clean! I am happy for you. and I am glad your niece has you to watch out for her. I hope your sister can see what you are doing , and what you have and that she will see what she needs to do for her and for her daughter.

Lovenjoy said it so well. I could not add to that, but hope you will stay and that you find answers . there is much experience here at SR, and so many nice people.

Prayers for your family.
chicory

What is your sister's DOC?

It is very scary that a small child is left alone with 2 addicts.
I don't know what I would do in your position.

How is your niece doing? Does she seem happy?

Both of their DOC's are pills.

My niece seems really happy - but I'm usually the one giving her undivided attention.

Thanks for your support. I wish there was a clear cut answer to all of this, but I see now that there isn't. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in a similar situation - although I wish nobody had to go through this, lol.