ontherightpath

Well, my son is putting it all together about my husbands marijuana use- and I am at a crossroad.

I am an alcoholic in recovery. (Have had multiple slips)-- but I keep going to meetings and keep working a program. My kids are aware of my drinking issues and support me in recovery.

I told my husband tonight about what my son talked to me about and I told him he has 24 hours to make a decision- drugs or family. I will not cover for him any longer. It's not an ultimatum, it's a boundary, right?

His drug use has been a major downfall for our marriage but I have really listened at meetings, and I don't push recovery on him, although he is not supportive if me in recovery. He wants me to do it alone. I can't do it alone. And I am
Very honest about that.

I don't know what will happen in 23 hours, what he will choose, but I am prepared for both options. I know I can't force him into recovery, which I why I stated he could choose his drugs or his family. There isn't enough room for them to occupy the same space anymore.

Any experience is gladly welcomed here. Thanks for reading.

chicory

ontherightpath,

Your children are very blessed to have you as a mom. You are taking care of yourself, and the kids are learning healthy things.

I am sorry you have this on your plate, but your boundaries will help you to keep the focus on what you can do,,, take care of you. and your children.

I hope your husband gets it together.

the serenity prayer is a good friend.

Mountainmanbob

Sounds like you are right on track so as to do right for your family.

All of the old pot heads in my church
outgrew smoking pot many years back. Bout time for your husband to grow up a little. The kids are watching us.

MM

chicory

ontherightpath,

I was confused by this part. Do you mean that you cannot do it without meetings and AA? Or do you mean you cannot do it without his support?
Because you are doing it without his support, right?

Good for you, for taking care of yourself, inspite of his using. That must be tough , but hang in there, and I hope today brings you some resolution. Detachment is critical in your case, I would think. Take care of you.

ontherightpath

I mean that I cannot do it without outside support, as in AA. My husband cannot stand me going to AA. And there are multitude of reasons. Mainly because I get better.... That whole control thing. My sobriety used to hinge on his support, and it no longer does. I go to AA to work on me, not him. When I took the focus off of him, my program changed immensely for the better.


And shame on me for saying his drug use plays a major problem in our marriage, so did my drinking. I own that.

Also, I should note that I have not pushed recovery on him, because if he's not ready, he's not ready. I wasn't ready, until I was ready

ontherightpath

Husband got home from working out of town late last night. I asked him this morning if he plans to address it with our son. He said yes. Guess now we wait and see. ((Praying))

chicory

ontherightpath,
thinking of you, and hoping things are going alright. we are here for you.

hugs
chicory

ontherightpath

We can't even talk normally. I get it. I get the wake up calls and the anxiety from addiction. He won't talk about it. It's a ridiculous tit for tat game. I can't continue it. I have said for years that I am done. And this goes beyond the drugs. Or the drinking. I'm so much happier when he is gone working. Ughhhh so many decisions to make and conversations to be had-- oh wait-- he doesn't wanna talk about it.

chicory

that stinks, ontherightpath.

guess he leaves you no choice but to make your own decisions on matters. his actions speak louder than words.

its hard. but happier times are ahead for you. if you make them.
hugs
chicory