He left program
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
He left program
For many reasons. But, the kicker is he's going to another program he had done research on and feels that this is his best chance.
So, yes, another promise and last time he did follow through with going so the hope candle is still lit in my mind. I don't think it's a false promise and I'm going to get through this.
I have mentioned in past post reasons why I let him stay here.
He served 110 days at this last facility and the next one is out of state. It's 6 months long and focuses more on spirituality (church everyday) and his claim is that this is what he needs. Lots of internal work and not so much a work program. He has had no previous problems holding jobs and working 50 plus hours a week before he flies on his binges.
He spoke sincerely last night and cried for a lot of it and fully admits he's not ready for success without a lot more fixing on his inside.
So, I'm going to see how it goes... And because of him telling me what where and when he's going to new program... I'm letting him stay. Of course... Unless he uses or looks high. He also will most likely be working with his previous boss.. Who's a huge advocate and tough love boss for his recovery. So... Time will tell.. And I'm ok.
Thanks for listening sober recovery friends.
So, yes, another promise and last time he did follow through with going so the hope candle is still lit in my mind. I don't think it's a false promise and I'm going to get through this.
I have mentioned in past post reasons why I let him stay here.
He served 110 days at this last facility and the next one is out of state. It's 6 months long and focuses more on spirituality (church everyday) and his claim is that this is what he needs. Lots of internal work and not so much a work program. He has had no previous problems holding jobs and working 50 plus hours a week before he flies on his binges.
He spoke sincerely last night and cried for a lot of it and fully admits he's not ready for success without a lot more fixing on his inside.
So, I'm going to see how it goes... And because of him telling me what where and when he's going to new program... I'm letting him stay. Of course... Unless he uses or looks high. He also will most likely be working with his previous boss.. Who's a huge advocate and tough love boss for his recovery. So... Time will tell.. And I'm ok.
Thanks for listening sober recovery friends.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by KeepinItReal 
It's 6 months long and focuses more on spirituality (church everyday) and his claim is that this is what he needs.
a little story if I may
many years ago now I had a friend in AA
not only was he an AA member
but he was also a alcohol and drug counselor
he went back to his old drinking ways
and was amazed that he had slipped off the wagon
I overheard him telling some people in AA
that he thought that he needed to go to church
I invited him to my church
he has been sober since with no more AA meetings
today he is a sober Pastor and travels around the world preaching
and also has several other ministries
is he the one out of a thousand
maybe so - but - God does work in mysterious ways
MM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
just a caution...this was your post in JAN when he was heading into the current rehab:
I will keep posting and giving details. It did cost $ for him to get in for the initial contribution for the first month of living expenses. After that the people from the program will be funding him 100%. The questionnaire that they gave him seems like 1,000k questions long. They don't support psychiatrist subscribed meds as they don't have a psychiatrist on staff and the counselors are called mentors. They go through training but aren't registered. Each member is designated a mentor. 1:1
It's a huge focus on bible school and church involvement and there must be a belief that the christian God can deliver them from the way they were living in the past and the past in general. I'm not saying that addiction isn't a disease but sometimes when medications don't work.. faith does. Sometimes when faith doesn't work medication does. Everyone is different!!
and since he got there he was talking about leaving....you stated clearly if he did not FINISH he could NOT come home.
he did not finish.
he's coming home.
yes maybe this new rehab will do the trick. but do not forget that you allowed him to break thru your boundary. he tried every trick in the book and found a way thru.
I will keep posting and giving details. It did cost $ for him to get in for the initial contribution for the first month of living expenses. After that the people from the program will be funding him 100%. The questionnaire that they gave him seems like 1,000k questions long. They don't support psychiatrist subscribed meds as they don't have a psychiatrist on staff and the counselors are called mentors. They go through training but aren't registered. Each member is designated a mentor. 1:1
It's a huge focus on bible school and church involvement and there must be a belief that the christian God can deliver them from the way they were living in the past and the past in general. I'm not saying that addiction isn't a disease but sometimes when medications don't work.. faith does. Sometimes when faith doesn't work medication does. Everyone is different!!
and since he got there he was talking about leaving....you stated clearly if he did not FINISH he could NOT come home.
he did not finish.
he's coming home.
yes maybe this new rehab will do the trick. but do not forget that you allowed him to break thru your boundary. he tried every trick in the book and found a way thru.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I really wanted to stick to my boundaries, but he did break thru my boundary.
I have to take accountability for any pain and stress that most likely will happen.
I do feel played in a way... But if I ask myself honestly... Am I done. No. I want him to get better. I allow myself to believe that he can stop his using and bingeing ways.
I am going into this with eyes wide open. I realize my boundary was not set in stone and yet was conditional.
I have to take accountability for any pain and stress that most likely will happen.
I do feel played in a way... But if I ask myself honestly... Am I done. No. I want him to get better. I allow myself to believe that he can stop his using and bingeing ways.
I am going into this with eyes wide open. I realize my boundary was not set in stone and yet was conditional.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by KeepinItReal
For many reasons. But, the kicker is he's going to another program he had done research on and feels that this is his best chance.
So, yes, another promise and last time he did follow through with going so the hope candle is still lit in my mind. I don't think it's a false promise and I'm going to get through this.
I have mentioned in past post reasons why I let him stay here.
He served 110 days at this last facility and the next one is out of state. It's 6 months long and focuses more on spirituality (church everyday) and his claim is that this is what he needs. Lots of internal work and not so much a work program. He has had no previous problems holding jobs and working 50 plus hours a week before he flies on his binges.
He spoke sincerely last night and cried for a lot of it and fully admits he's not ready for success without a lot more fixing on his inside.
So, I'm going to see how it goes... And because of him telling me what where and when he's going to new program... I'm letting him stay. Of course... Unless he uses or looks high. He also will most likely be working with his previous boss.. Who's a huge advocate and tough love boss for his recovery. So... Time will tell.. And I'm ok.
Thanks for listening sober recovery friends.
So, yes, another promise and last time he did follow through with going so the hope candle is still lit in my mind. I don't think it's a false promise and I'm going to get through this.
I have mentioned in past post reasons why I let him stay here.
He served 110 days at this last facility and the next one is out of state. It's 6 months long and focuses more on spirituality (church everyday) and his claim is that this is what he needs. Lots of internal work and not so much a work program. He has had no previous problems holding jobs and working 50 plus hours a week before he flies on his binges.
He spoke sincerely last night and cried for a lot of it and fully admits he's not ready for success without a lot more fixing on his inside.
So, I'm going to see how it goes... And because of him telling me what where and when he's going to new program... I'm letting him stay. Of course... Unless he uses or looks high. He also will most likely be working with his previous boss.. Who's a huge advocate and tough love boss for his recovery. So... Time will tell.. And I'm ok.
Thanks for listening sober recovery friends.
Based on what you’ve shared, I think I would be doing the same thing as you are K.I.R… this could be a blessing in disguise, but only time will tell. I think you have strong boundaries; I would ask yourself when you made the one about his needing to finish this program; what was really behind it – probably his showing dedication to recovery, and working to gain the skills he needs to give him the best chance of success? If he is sincere in wanting to transfer programs because he truly thinks this one isn’t meeting his needs; then Id say he is doing the right thing. My belief is people need to find a program that inspires them as much as possible, something they can believe in…
I will send up a prayer he sticks with his recovery and is able to transfer into the new rehab he told you about soon; its positive he did the research and found another one I think. Regarding spirituality, my husband relied on church for his spiritual needs; our religion says to trust in the Lord, read the written word from the bible.. be active in church; bible studies, devotionals, and continue to grow spiritually.
I know this has been a shocker for you. Be good to yourself, trust your instincts and know you always have the power to set new boundaries, change your mind if need be. Keep being ok
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
No one is judging you my friend. Only you know when you are done, and when you are not. We are here to support you through no matter what decisions you make. I understand, you have to know they have had EVERY SINGLE CHANCE. I totally get it.
Tight Hugs. You are never ever alone.
Tight Hugs. You are never ever alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by KeepinItReal
I really wanted to stick to my boundaries, but he did break thru my boundary.
I have to take accountability for any pain and stress that most likely will happen.
I do feel played in a way... But if I ask myself honestly... Am I done. No. I want him to get better. I allow myself to believe that he can stop his using and bingeing ways.
I am going into this with eyes wide open. I realize my boundary was not set in stone and yet was conditional.
I have to take accountability for any pain and stress that most likely will happen.
I do feel played in a way... But if I ask myself honestly... Am I done. No. I want him to get better. I allow myself to believe that he can stop his using and bingeing ways.
I am going into this with eyes wide open. I realize my boundary was not set in stone and yet was conditional.
I set boundaries to control myself. They are not contingent upon what someone else may or may not do.
I will not live with a fill in the blank is a boundary. You will/will not do fill in the blank or else fill in the blank is an attempt to control another person.
The former works. The latter, an attempt to control someone else, usually results in mutual resentment.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
It's about you and what works for you. You have reached a decision for now...You understand why you decided this and you are giving it a chance. No one gets to tell you whether that is good or bad; don't let anyone play judge and jury for you. Your eyes are wide open and you have decided for today - good for you! Lots of prayers and good thoughts that he follows through and that this new path works for both of you.
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