Boyfriend in treatment... Time to focus on him/my self?
 

My boyfriend is currently in a long term treatment facility. I love him dearly. And have had to see how self destructive this disease can be. My only wish is that he can live a happy and fulfilling life in sobriety. Before he went into treatment I would encourage him to go to meetings. As I saw him take a turn for the worst, his family and I did an intervention, which turned out to be successful. He willingly went to treatment and he took it a step further on deciding to do long term. Together, we would call facilities inquiring thier amenties, structure of program, and most importantly if they accepted his insurance.

Before he left, I brought to his attention that maybe it would be a good idea if we took a break. Not break up, just space and time for him to focus on himself. He said if that was something I feel I needed to do then he would accept that, but it's not what he wanted. He said that our relationship was great. He said we get along, we share the same interests and goals, never argued about anything and the only issue in the relationship was his active drug use which he plans of taking care of. I couldn't agree more. Our only arguments (mainly one sided on my part) was when he would disappear for 2-3 days at a time. If I saw he was him high, I would verbalize my aggravation and told him it upset me to see him like that. And of he would always deny he was high.

Which brings me to my point, he is in treatment now. He sounds great and happier than ever. He calls me everyday for about 10 mins. It doesn't bother me. And actually it makes me so happy hear from him. I know he is focusing on himself. So am I. I'm doing things that I wasn't doing before such as getting reacquainted with old friends, making new ones, going to the gym and spending more time with my family. I'm spending him a care package this weekend. I'm thinking I should bring up the " let's take a break so u can focus more on yourself" conversation. I don't know how to though. And truthfully, it's not what I want. But maybe this will be good for the both of us. I'm trying to see the positive side, but I can't, honestly. I just know it's a conversation that has to happen. And I know that's what his counselor is going to tell him about us. But I'd rather beat them to the punch. Maybe it will hurt less that way. I'm also planning on going to Naranon meetings. So we'll see what happens...what is meant to be will always find it's way. That's what I keep telling myself

He's working on his recovery and you are going to meetings and reconnecting with friends and family...it sounds like you are both on a good path.

Your path no longer "relies" on him to make it happy and that alone is a wonderful place to be.

Do what feels comfortable for you. Giving it some time and space seems to have been good for both of you. Maybe just limiting contact and keeping boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable in your life, clean or not, will help you take time to decide what you want for the days ahead.

Good luck to both of you.

Hugs

Hello Ligy.
Perhaps it won't be too difficult, as you already mentioned it to him before he left, right? It won't be a hurtful surprise, I don't imagine.
I wish him well, and you too.

First and foremost, thanks for the reply!

It was very hard for me to even bring up the "let's take a break so we can focus on ourselves" convo in the first place. Honestly I was kind of relieved when he was against it. Lol

But I'm trying to be supportive and do the sensible thing (I can't say it's the "right thing" because having the convo doesn't feel right).
I just don't know how to have that conversation again. and maybe I'm just trying to talk about it before he has that talk with me (if and when he does). How do I word it when it's not what my heart wants?

Thanks for replying and your words of encouragement!

Do you need to have the conversation if you are both doing what you set out to do. You both seem to be having a break with the nature of his treatment. Also it sounds like a subject you don't agree with. Sorry if I have missed the point but it looks like your both doing great the way you are