Is He just manipultaining me again...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 53
Is He just manipultaining me again...
Hi everyone with out writing my entire story again let me just say I got handed a divorce proposal last week and today My AH is saying he loves me cant live with out me or his kids .. So I said the forbidden words --- Are you ready for rehab now ... His reply is no I just cant get off them with out you in my life I need you in order to do the right thing?!---
But for the past 5 years you needed pills while with me !? At this point he was honest enough to say he has been using 2 a day to prevent w/d.. Is he trying to just get me back in graces until those 2 will end up being 4 ,5 ,6 and 10 a day ..If he is even telling the truth about 2/day which I still doubt. All this time kicked out we have no money our life is in shambles and he's still using just 2 a day !! I expected to hear 10 days clean and still going feeling great lets pick up our life again and this is my plan and all that ..
I want to be proud that he was trying to at least tell me something but that killed me I wanted to rip him for it.... This is suppose to be time for him to see he cant come back until hes sober mind body soul .. I'm trying to keep cool and choose my words wisely not to push him into giving up or dying bc I do love him put these things got their hooks in him .. So in a nutshell he went from divorcing me to now saying I love you and I want to come back and do the right thing ..Just tell me its manipulation right ?! Its a trick and in one week the cycle of me chasing his addiction will go on again ..
But for the past 5 years you needed pills while with me !? At this point he was honest enough to say he has been using 2 a day to prevent w/d.. Is he trying to just get me back in graces until those 2 will end up being 4 ,5 ,6 and 10 a day ..If he is even telling the truth about 2/day which I still doubt. All this time kicked out we have no money our life is in shambles and he's still using just 2 a day !! I expected to hear 10 days clean and still going feeling great lets pick up our life again and this is my plan and all that ..
I want to be proud that he was trying to at least tell me something but that killed me I wanted to rip him for it.... This is suppose to be time for him to see he cant come back until hes sober mind body soul .. I'm trying to keep cool and choose my words wisely not to push him into giving up or dying bc I do love him put these things got their hooks in him .. So in a nutshell he went from divorcing me to now saying I love you and I want to come back and do the right thing ..Just tell me its manipulation right ?! Its a trick and in one week the cycle of me chasing his addiction will go on again ..
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Sounds like manipulation to me. In our situation, I saw the A try to convince my daughter he needed her to help him get clean. She had the same feelings you have ... "I've been 'with you' but you were still using". I saw him make her feel like she was causing him to use. You know, for stressing him out (!!!) I also saw him go from hating her and never going to be able to forgive her (for what? I don't know) to loving her more than life and wanting to be with her forever. It's all a game!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by MamaCas 
Sounds like manipulation to me. In our situation, I saw the A try to convince my daughter he needed her to help him get clean. She had the same feelings you have ... "I've been 'with you' but you were still using". I saw him make her feel like she was causing him to use. You know, for stressing him out (!!!) I also saw him go from hating her and never going to be able to forgive her (for what? I don't know) to loving her more than life and wanting to be with her forever. It's all a game!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I want someone else to get the blame for his crap.. Only thing I am guilty of is begging pleading and crying for him to change for the sake of our family we have two sons and life is too short and we cant stop life we have no choice but to raise them right that's our job!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
if he is not willing to go to detox then he is not willing to embrace recovery.
It is true that some addicts don't ever "go to rehab"
but you say pills... so I'm guessing either opiates or benzos... chances are that going to detox would be a start.
I think this is pure manipulation.
hugs
It is true that some addicts don't ever "go to rehab"
but you say pills... so I'm guessing either opiates or benzos... chances are that going to detox would be a start.
I think this is pure manipulation.
hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
totally jerking you around and using you as his emotional punching bag. he probably thought the divorce papers would bring you to your knees and crawling back - since THAT didn't work, NOW He loves you and can't get off the pills without you.
big fat steaming piles of BS.
he admitted he's still using. 2 a day is probably at least 4...but the point is...anything more than 0 is USING. you are right, you've been in his life, you and the kids and how did that work out? he still got loaded and got addicted. so YOU aren't the answer. but he will USE you just like he uses the drugs....to mask the real problem, and to scuttle any personal responsibility.
he stated clearly he won't do rehab. why??? because that means he'd really have to QUIT. and he's not ready. which is why he's yanking YOUR chain....see if he can make you dance.
he didn't SAY he wanted to do the right thing...he said he "needed" to come home and THEN do the right thing.
if he was serious, really really serious about the loss of his family, his life, self respect, financial standing, health and sanity? he's be crawling thru alligator infested swampland to get to the CLEAN and SOBER side. he'd be DOING the right thing RIGHT NOW. anything else is pure addictspeak.
big fat steaming piles of BS.
he admitted he's still using. 2 a day is probably at least 4...but the point is...anything more than 0 is USING. you are right, you've been in his life, you and the kids and how did that work out? he still got loaded and got addicted. so YOU aren't the answer. but he will USE you just like he uses the drugs....to mask the real problem, and to scuttle any personal responsibility.
he stated clearly he won't do rehab. why??? because that means he'd really have to QUIT. and he's not ready. which is why he's yanking YOUR chain....see if he can make you dance.
he didn't SAY he wanted to do the right thing...he said he "needed" to come home and THEN do the right thing.
if he was serious, really really serious about the loss of his family, his life, self respect, financial standing, health and sanity? he's be crawling thru alligator infested swampland to get to the CLEAN and SOBER side. he'd be DOING the right thing RIGHT NOW. anything else is pure addictspeak.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's best not to hang on every word or try to figure out what it means when an addict is trying to manipulate you. The words are what he says to try to get you to do things his way. The words of endearing love turn nasty real fast when you say "no thanks, not this time around".
Take good care of yourself. He doesn't want to stop using so keeping some space between you is very wise right now...no matter what he says.
Hugs
Take good care of yourself. He doesn't want to stop using so keeping some space between you is very wise right now...no matter what he says.
Hugs
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good grief, that is manipulation at it's finest. Now you must decide for you...what are you going to do about it if anything? Only you can decide that.
I encourage you to shift your focus from his needs and issues to your own. What can you do to help and protect YOU?
I encourage you to shift your focus from his needs and issues to your own. What can you do to help and protect YOU?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 53
Oh YES I am back to every name in the book and now sign the papers he says he cant wait to get rid of me !!! This is the up and down I deal with If I had money or parents that lived out of state with money or some where to just take off with my kids I would love to just leave him here to rot in this misery he caused but I know I cant ..
He is still out and at this point the only thing I want to hear is how many days clean he has he is still saying its not the pills that caused it and blaming me !! With The famous saying how does me doing pills affect you what do I do that's so bad ?! Crazy!!!! Classic addict statement !!
God bless you all for taking time out of your life to respond to me in my hard times !! I missed my meeting today but this week is another one I have to keep going..Thanks again
He is still out and at this point the only thing I want to hear is how many days clean he has he is still saying its not the pills that caused it and blaming me !! With The famous saying how does me doing pills affect you what do I do that's so bad ?! Crazy!!!! Classic addict statement !!
God bless you all for taking time out of your life to respond to me in my hard times !! I missed my meeting today but this week is another one I have to keep going..Thanks again
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