first holiday alone :-(
 

Hello all...each day it's getting easier but I find at of moments I just break down and cry. I cry over what we had, what he has become, what he is throwing away, the small moments he is missing with our son. How can he just throw everything away after 11 yrs? This isn't the man that begged me to givehim a chance that one day in front of block buster, the one that shared all his secrets, made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry, the one that told me he loved me forever and always, the one that used to sing too me. What happened to him. How can addiction change a person that much? At certain times I catch a glimpse of the old him and I think..am I making the right decision throwing him out? Asking for a divorce? Forever changing not only my life, Or his, but out sons as well? And what really pulls me back into reality is when he thinks I'm just f***ing around with this. Why doesn't it out isn't affecting him add Much as it is me?

Sorry to say this but it's Cuz he loves alcohol and or drugs more. In that State we are messed up. We don't know what is important, we just want to feel good or nothing at all. (I am an addict in recovery)

Deeker, I don't think I have heard it expressed that way before now. glad you are in recovery:)

CMf,

I am sorry you were so sad , I know it stinks. Your little one however, is a blessing to you, in that we can still see things through their eyes, and find the joy. You and the little one deserve happiness.

I am sorry though, and I know the heartache. Time will heal it, and looking forward, not back will help the healing. It isn't in your power to make him see.
Keep posting. we care.

chicory

Is that they don't know or don't care?

This was also my first holiday alone too. I don't know, for some reason, it didn't bother me too much but I did isolate which isn't a good thing either.

I think, LMN, it's both. What is important to us just isn't important to the addict, since they don't think like we do...and in the end, unless it's about their fix, they just don't care.

I'm so sorry cmfl. One day at a time. It will get easier and time will help you to see that your decisions are the best ones you could have made with what you faced.
You're choosing to create a healthy life for you and your son (and let's face it, our little people see and know way more than we ever give them credit for), while your husband is choosing to destroy his own.

I am so sorry. Stop trying to figure out why and start figuring out what you can do for you to bring peace and happiness in your life. If any one of us could figure out the substance abuser we would not be on here. What we can figure out is ourselves, our needs, our own triggers. We can figure out what can bring us peace, serenity, and happiness. All things you deserve!

So true. It is a huge waste of time to try and figure it out. I did it for years. Now I try to redirect my thoughts. I have to force myself to think about something else.

Kari

I hate what addiction does to everyone involved. When my husband was active using he was in a lot of pain emotionally. He had to take more drugs to numb feelings because he hurt and couldnt work through in a constructive way. Its hard to look at the image and what you see is someone uncaring and unfeeling but I doubt inside him its the real truth. All you can do it try to live your life well, dont let the sadness and loss swallow you up.