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a weight has been lifted

Old 04-18-2014, 09:19 AM
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a weight has been lifted

last night, my husband with his mother borrow money and spent 60, on I don't know what. He has no concern. I have given him plenty of chances. I told him I'm tired of feeling this way. I have given him an ultimatum before and it didn't work so I told him I was done. He then asked about seeing his son still, which of courseI would never take away from him. He apologized and stated that he saw this coming. He then talked about his tooth being broken. His tooth!? I just told him I want a divorce and he talks about his tooth. He slept at his mom's last night. I can't stop crying. It feels like he didn't even care. He didn't even fight for us too stay together. I don't get it at all. I have thought about attending an al anon meeting but I'm scared to make the first step and go. Three months he had been sober. Applied for one job. Thank you all for your advice. I don't understand what is going through his mind. This wasn't the person that I feel in love with, that I said I do to, I lost my beSt friend somewhere along the way. I understand that addiction ifs a disease. But why doesn't he see the damage he has caused. He lied to me for months when I asked him if he was having withdrawal symptoms.I stood up to everyone when they said he was addicted. The addiction happenedafter he hurt his back at work. The doctor prescribed vicodin, the percs, asteroid shots. He just built up such tolerance that they all stopped working. In the end he was taking 120 perc 10"s in about a week's time. When he had his pills he was my old husband again. When he was out, it was hell. I felt horrible he was in pain. Now that he is off the meds he doesn't look injured. Still has back pain but not like before. ,3 days before he told more about the problem, he informed his mom. She knew before his wife. I told her on Friday I couldn't do this relationship with him anymore. She told me she would always be there for me. 2 days later he told me. I screamed and cried and threw him out of the house. I'm angry bc for 2 straight years he lied to my face every time asked. I never knew. U embedded up getting him help threw my work. (I work for a psychiatrist..very well known one). He went to detox for only 5 days bc he didn't have health ins. The Tuesday that he was leaving his mom wrote me via fb, that she never liked me. For 11 years she just put up with me bc of her son. She said she hoped that my son grew yup to know how to treat people unlike me. I was so hurt after I read that, betrayed, and shocked. I did reply to it. Stated calmly she didn't underrated what I was going through since I was married to him not her. I apologized again for ever causing her pain and was sorry for coming too her for advice regarding him not working. 5 minutes after she read it she walked up to my house and freaked out.ripped the things off my wall.She kicked me in the leg. I was sitting on the couch just talking it all. My husband then grabbed her and tried to hold her back. She managed to throw a large jar candle at me. Left a huge bruise on my arm. Destroyed my lr. I was terrified and just sat there. Tools her thank you. My so called friend was with her and blamed me for causing all this. His mom called me every name in the book, said I was happy he was leaving too detox. He left that day. I stayed at my bros for the duration of his stay. She actually called my husband in serious to tell him I was leaving him and offered multiple times too hip pick him up. He never did leave. I have a great support system of co workers and my only brother that lives here. Now I know I have too do what is best for our son.I don't want him too suffer bc mommy and daddy aren't together any more. How do I tell him besides he's sick, went he doesn't live here?
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:47 AM
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I am so very sorry. I know how very difficult all this has to be for you. You have done the right thing in leaving.
To address his mom, quickly... people need scapegoats. Someone they can blame for all that's happened. And instead of accepting that her son is an addict and confronting the actual problem she blames you because its easier. Hopefully for the sake of her son, she'll get over it and see what's going on and that you had NO control over the situation. Let alone any fault.

A lot of us go through a period of, why didnt he fight for me. But if you're going to be the main road block to his addiction - there's your answer. Addiction is all consuming and for some it's easier just to walk away so the fix will be easy...But then, who knows what's in his head.

You tell your son in the simplist of ways. Mommy and daddy aren't happy together so daddy went to stay with gma. Then continually remind him that you both love him, that he'll still get to see his dad, etc. Simple is best at that age.
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:56 AM
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I read my kids books that were directed towards talking and support through divorce. Even though we didn't get divorced. I did leave him for 8 months and then he went to jail for 6 months (so 14 months apart) then he was home for 30 days and then shipped off half way across the USA for another 12 months to get away from the drugs in our area. (old friends, contacts, etc.) Then back to jail. My husband is an IV heroin addict.

What his mom did is totally unacceptable. Your son shouldn't be dragged through a war between anyone. He's half of you and half of his father - and that will always be that way. There are ways to get the courts to help you.

I would take your decisions slow and just try to keep as peaceful as you possibly can around your son. He will obviously know his dad isn't living there... but one day at a time. One day at a time. Good luck!
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:04 AM
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Thank you. I will try the easy approach with my son.right now grew hasn't noticed his dad isn't sleeping here. Do u think it's wrong I let him lay down with our son until he falls asleep? My husband left right after that last night.
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:23 AM
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He probably loves his son. As my husband loves his son. It just makes it hard for the whole family to adjust. If you are comfortable with him coming over and putting him to bed.. then it's up to you. Just my opinion.
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