Struggling with RAH

Old 04-18-2014, 07:14 AM
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Struggling with RAH

I am very grateful that my H has been sober over 4 months now. However, he has been home from treatment for nearly a month and I am really struggling. I have been the only one working for almost 2 years. I know he wants to be back working but I am growing more and more impatient as the struggle to feed our family and keep a roof over our heads continues.
He used to tell me (when he was using) that he had a job prospect just to get me off his back. He said to me last week that he has a job opportunity that he just has to find a ride there to talk to the owner. Well, of course, this put me right back in that old state of mind. I do not want to be the overbearing wife. I am trying to just stay on my side of the street and focus on letting him find his way. I am trying to reign in my codependent brain. But this is freaking important. My work cut my hours and so we are really struggling. I am really resenting him for not having a job yet. If I say anything he says that he is trying but I just feel like he could try harder. I am sorry this is so rambly.. I am just at my wits end here. He is so focused on recovery and I am truly grateful for that, but I have been doing this on my own for so long and I NEED HELP! How do I put that in terms that don't make me a nagging codependent lunatic? Any support or insight is appreciated.
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:25 AM
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I think just say it how you just typed it. "I am not trying to hurt you or be overbearing but am struggling to keep a roof over our heads and keep everyone fed. You HAVE to get a job immediately."

It is not always about them and their needs. It's a partnership and you will have needs too. It's ok to voice your concerns also.

Good Luck and God Bless!
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:11 AM
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I think you said it well and to the point. You need've needed it for awhile but now it's time for you to get it! He can work on recovery and still work.

Don't feel guilty or a "nag" for wanting assistance from your husband!
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:09 AM
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sometimes we have to be blunt and frank, especially when it comes to financial well being!! i like the suggested approach above.

many years ago when my husband just up and decided to stop going to work (i was out of the country, he was still using) and then sat on his gorgeous rump for a few months, one day when i came home from WORK i are you planning to go back to work ever? cuz i'm thinking maybe i should just quit MY job too.....THEN what do you propose we do, hmmmmmmm?

he was back to work the next week. occasionally the note stapled to the 2x4 and whacked upside their head is called for!!!
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