Boyfriend Who Smokes Spice AND WONT STOP!!! HELP!
 

Ok, so my boyfriend of a year and 2 months has been smoking spice and I need some ideas of how to get him to stop. I'm going to give you a little background knowledge so you understand better.
Ok, well my boyfriend has been smoking spice now since he was like 14. He's now 22 turning 23 and wont stop smoking spice. When we first met each other we fell in love instantly and he moved in. He stopped smoking spice (that I know of) when he lived with me because we were always together! 5 months later and he moved out (due to complications with my family and his plus we were fighting a lot!) After that he started smoking marijuana, which didn't bother me because I use to smoke it. I stopped and he continued. Than he started getting into spice and not smoking any weed at all. All of his friends do it except like 4 of them. I had a fight with him today about him quitting and this is what he does... he promises that he'll stop after this bowl, or that bowl. But after that bowl that hes suppose to be stopping he just packs it up again and smokes another with his damn friend! One thing that irritates me is that he's 10x nicer when he's spiced out, and I know some people think of that as a good thing, but it's not because he's only being nice because of the spice! He even told me that he loves me and that we cant breakup and how he's going to buy me this big ring in one month and all this other stuff but if he doesn't stop smoking spice I don't want to be with him. I love my boyfriend, I do, but I don't know how to get him to stop and any suggestions would be great. I just want my boyfriend back. Because when he doesn't have any spice he's as mean as he could be. And since were together, my home is his home, so when he comes over he'll invite his friend over WHO IS A FRIGGIN' FUGITIVE, for dealing the stuff among other things. I know this can get me in trouble but what am I suppose to do! Please ANYONE suggest how I can get my boyfriend back. I've already tried leaving, and even threatening and even paying him to get him to stop smoking! (yes he has a job he's not a bum!) He has a great head on his shoulders and I want a family one day that's not surrounded by drugs. Please, someone just help.

You can't make him stop. You can't convince him to stop. You can not threaten him into stopping. He will stop when HE is ready to stop, if that ever happens.

The only thing you can control in this situation is YOU and what YOU are willing to live with. What are you willing to live with? It doesn't sound like you are happy in the current situation.

I am sorry for the reason that brought you here i wish I could tell you something that would be a magic cure but it simply does not work that way. My suggestions are to read the forum especially the stickies.

There will be some people later with more advice I saw the post and didn't want you thinking no one was responding. Late night and weekends can sometimes be slower.

Just wanted to add: You didn't Cause it, You can't Cure it, You can't Control it

All those fall on him.

He was using when you met him.
During the short period of time you've known him sober- you fought a lot.
Now he's nicer loaded than when sober and he's not saying he wants to quit.

Which one do you want back?

Accept others as they are.

Make a list of the qualities and values you want in a partner and wait for the right one to come along without compromising yourself or trying make someone be who they are not.

duse1321,

I was wondering if you have ever done any research on what spice does to the brain? He has been doing this for a long time now. it is a very scary behavior and it does not look like he is going to change any time soon.
Him bringing criminals into your home is very thoughtless and reckless. Please give some thought to what sort of life you want for yourself.

take care of yourself.
hugs

Good morning Duse.

I think you have picked this person for a role in your future, but he is not following the script of happily ever after. You wrote the script. You are the director of your life movie. You might need to let the spice smokin leading man go because he is not up to the task of being a decent life mate.

My husband is a recovering heroin addict. You cannot beg, plead, manipulate or love them sober. The only thing that works is professional help and the addict accepting that help.

I know you will try to convince him.. and feel that in someway things will be different between the two of you.. but addiction is progressive. That means it starts out not so bad.. and turns into your worst nightmare.

You can accept him the way that he is. Accept that without professional help - his disease - addiction - will get worse and their is not one thing you can do about it. Maybe - Maybe - you can convince him to get help.

However, when I was an addict - if anyone tried to separate me from my drugs or convince me I needed help - Well.... they would have been wrong. I needed to decide that for myself.

I want a family one day that's not surrounded by drugs.
then don't pick an addict for a partner............

Ugh. Sorry you are going through this. Spice is terrible. I heard it's comparable to meth. My ex fiancé's doc was spice/marijuana. It all started with weed and then it lead to other drugs like spice. He said he did it because it wasn't detectable with the home drug tests. hope things will be ok for you!

:a213:

yup :( hate to say it

My sons has been heavily addicted to spice for years. It's a nasty drug and nasty to come off of (irritabiity; agitation; vomiting; lack of appetite; anger; achiness; etc)...that's why he is "nice" when he is on it! The withdrawals are bad.

The others are correct......not a darn thing that we can do. Nothing! Figure out what WE want and what we can do to PROTECT ourselves. That is about it!

It’s disheartening when you come to a site like this with desperate expectations on how to get another person to NOT be the person they are.

I could tell you that you ignored a big red flag by rushing into a relationship with someone you didn’t allow yourself time to really get to know. Moved in together before you had the opportunity to see what each other were all about………….but I’m sure you realize all of that by now.

5 months into this and you got to see the real him and what he was all about…………..and the fighting started. Now you are 7 more months further into this bad relationship and the only solution you can accept is for him to change and to stop doing what he was doing long before you ever came into the picture and no doubt will be doing long after you accept you can’t change him and he’s not going to change for you and you walk away.

Otherwise the only other answer is to accept him for exactly who and how he is and stop trying to change that.

My EXAH smoked spice among other things but it was the spice that broke the camels back. It led me to divorce him. He was never a violent person when he was on all of the pills etc but spice did something to his brain that made him crazy. I came home one day and approached him ( something you must never do to an addict when he is high) and he pushed me.. Done the end, I put up with a lot of **** but physical violence I was not going to tolerate. I filed for divorce a few days later and that was the best decision I ever made.

Like you, I got very involved with my addict very quickly. After two months of knowing him he was living with me and a few months after that we were married. I thought i could help him, I thought I could save him, instead I lost myself in his addiction and lived through five years of hell. Almost a year and a half after our divorce I'm still struggling with some issues stemming from that relationship. Go back and read my earlier posts and you will see what kind of life I lived with the addict in my home.

You are young and you have the world by the tail.. Please please dont make the same mistake I did. Chances are if he is smoking spice he is taking other drugs too.. Run honey, run as fast and as far away as you can